The Twilight Sage: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  Bella and Edward (Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson-- like you don't know) get married and defy all possibility when she gets pregnant from his demon seed, which threatens to kill her.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Jackson Rathbone, Gil Birmingham, Sarah Clarke, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Chaske Spencer, Kiowa Gordon, Julia Jones, Bronson Pelletier,  Alex Meraz, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chon, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Mia Meastro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mackenzie Foy

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  This movie is very weird, and the only reason you should see it is if you're a Die-hard Twihard, and you're going to see it anyway.  According to this weekend's box-office, that description accounts for a butt-load of you.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  Well it starts with a human marrying a vampire, followed by some teenie-porn, and finally concludes with what I'm pretty sure is a form of pedophilia between a half human-half werewolf and a half vampire-half baby, so yeah, it's just all very, very weird.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  "Everybody cries at weddings," one of Bella's cheesier lines, turns out to be kinda true.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  I'll tell you what it won't be up for, Make-up, special effects, screenplay, directing, cinematography... The clothes are pretty good-- mostly at the weddings.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Some of the lines are so bad, that I could actually hear the actors' inner struggle to get them out.  And that's why I have the utmost respect for these actors, especially Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, who have pauses and stares that make you keenly aware that this series could not have worked with anybody else in those roles.  Taylor Lautner still can't act.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  Bill Condon is a great director, but there's no way to know that from watching this film.  Most disappointing for me are the warmer colors used in the cinematography, which are completely inconsistent with the look and tone of the first 3 movies in the series.  Even TV shows manage to look the same from week to week, and they sometimes have over 100 different episodes, using up to 50 different directors.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  It starts with a wedding and then  strains to have anything to talk about for the next two hours, proving why movies are supposed to end with weddings.  There is some very strange and illogical drama around the now-defunct love-triangle-- which no longer makes any sense because Bella has already made a firm decision-- at the wedding.   The author tries her damnedest to find reasons to keep Taylor Lautner involved, but they all ring false.  And then there's some drama about whether or not Bella will survive her pregnancy, which is also kind of spoiled by the fact that the title includes the phrase "Part 1."

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

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A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Harold & Kumar (John Cho & Kal Penn) are no longer friends because Harold is married and has decided that Kumar's friendship is trouble.  Now Harold needs to find a 12 foot Christmas tree to appease his father-in-law (Danny Trejo), and Kumar still loves him enough to help him, despite the fact that Harold has become a stuck-up douchebag.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Kal Penn, John Cho, Danny Trejo, Thomas Lennon, Amir Blumenfeld, Paula Garces, Elias Koteas, Jordan Hinson, Patton Oswalt, Bobby Lee, Ashley Coss, Chloe Coss, Hannah Coss, RZA, Da'Vone McDonald, Yasen Peyankov, John Hoogenakker, Eddie Kaye Thomas, David Krumholtz, Neil Patrick Harris, Daneel Ackles, Bennett Saltzman, Jake M. Johnson, Richard Riehle

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  It's wacky, but not in a clever way.  The most interesting thing is the weird ways in which they attempt to use the 3D psychedelically.  But I still hate 3D.  First it makes me dizzy, and then it puts me to sleep.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  The funniest parts are around a baby's first drug trips, so that's bound to be really unfunny to parents-- mostly because parents have no sense of humor about how kids do the darndest things!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  Actually, it is sort of depressing at the beginning, when you see these two best friends who no longer talk.  Why do people who get married think they're so much better than those who don't?  Have they forgotten that over 50% of marriages end in divorce?  Do they think they're unsusceptible to that statistic?  Seriously married people, get off your high horses, and respect those people who were there for you when you were just a lonely loser, you may need them again sooner than you think.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Despite Your Highness's best efforts, this one takes the award for longest penis.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Even after his hiatus to work in the White House, Kal Penn has not forgotten how to act and be charming.  A few others start to break out in some of the miniscule roles, allowing you to picture them in bigger parts in future movies, including Jake Johnson of The New Girl, Bobby Lee of Mad TV, and Amir Blumenfeld of pretty much nothing.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  The 3D effects are noticeable, especially when you consider that Todd Strauss-Schluson is essentially a first time feature director.  Aside from those, it could have been directed by anybody.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  I just wish that Harold & Kumar had rekindled their friendship earlier on, because while the plot is clearly meant to be about the rekindling, the script is missing the love that used to be the reason Harold would put up with or go along with all of Kumar's hijinks.  Without the love, it's just one character annoying another, and that's not funny.  It's sad.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

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Pariah

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  A semi-closeted teenage African-American lesbian comes of age.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Adepero Oduye, Pernell Walker, Aasha Davis, Kim Wayans, Charles Parnell, Sahra Mellesse, Zabryna Guevara, Kim Sykes

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  You've seen one lesbian coming of age film, you've seen them all.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  I laughed in my head when I realized that I spent the first 10 minutes of the movie trying to decide whether the main characters were women or men.  It was a seriously heated debate in there!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  Going in I thought this would be this year's Precious.  But it's like a Disney Channel movie in comparison, breaking almost no new ground... Except maybe uncovering how women make themselves look like men.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It won Cinematography at Sundance, which is especially surprising when you consider that all the out of focus shots were the one thing in this film that kept me annoyed throughout... Then again, most of what Sundance likes tends to annoy me, so I don't really know why I'm surprised.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  It is good to see Kim Wayans-- and in a dramatic role, no less!  I worked with her on a sit-com, back in the day, and I always thought she was one of the most under-rated talents I had ever come across.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  The odd choices about where to center the focus in many shots is clearly deliberate and artistic, but it doesn't work.  It's distracting and looks like a mistake.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  For a film getting so much attention, it's surprising how little feels original about it.  I mean, who hasn't already seen at least one movie where the Black husband is a cheater, the teenage girl hates her mother, and the mother is a homophobe?

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A:  Warning: despite the scary title, this is NOT a horror film or a video game.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Pariah Trailer

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Youth in Revolt

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A nerdy loser teenager (Michael Cera) gets an alter ego and becomes a juvenile delinquent to get a girl (Portia Doubleday). So what else is new?

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Michael Cera, Portia Doubleday, Jean Smart, Steve Buscemi, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Long, Mary Kay Place, M. Emmet Walsh, Erik Knudsen, Adhir Kalyan, Ari Graynor, Fred Willard, Ray Liotta, Rooney Mara, Jade Fusco, Jonathan Bradford Wright

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It tries a little too hard to be charming and quirky, and the result is the story of a pretentious, creepy teen who somehow finds a girl who is equally as pretentious as him- only pretty(ish)--, who has a boyfriend so pretentious that even our pretentious hero thinks he's a prick. On the other hand, some of you might be charmed by this film's quirk. I'm not judging you.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: In all its efforts to be quirky and charming, it's only natural that it should have a few successes in the cleverness department.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you believe in making criminals pay for their crimes, you might be upset by how easy the law is on our little juvie friend.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most big names with most small parts.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: You know how much I love Michael Cera, right?... Well he kind of creeped me out in this one. Although his alter ego- the very cool, very dangerous, and very French, Francois Dillinger-- was an unexpected stretch to see Cera pull off.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Miguel Arteta seems to be one of those directors who refuses to expand from the indie roots that got him where he is. So despite all the big name actors, this film looks like it was made by a no-name director on a microbudget. But at least this no-name director seems to have majored in animation, so there are some interesting animated interludes.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The precociousness of the teenagers' dialogue in this movie makes the dialogue in Juno look like Ebonics.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: There's an animated epilogue that takes place during the credits, so don't leave your seat too fast.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/youth-in-revolt/30923/trailers

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Pirate Radio

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Back in the 1960s, when British radio only allowed rock n' roll to be played for 1 hour a day, groups of DJ's formed rock stations off the coast of the UK, where they lived and partied together on boats, so they could rock out all day and night, without breaking the law. Over half the population enjoyed listening to these moderately legal radio stations on a regular basis.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Tom Sturridge, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Rhys Darby, Nick Frost, Chris O'Dowd, Kenneth Branagh, Jack Davenport, Rhys Ifans, January Jones, Emma Thompson, Tom Wisdom, Sinead Matthews, Ralph Brown, Talulah Riley, Tom Brooke, Ike Hamilton, Will Adamsdale, Katherine Parkinson

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. This is a high energy movie, based around the love of good rock n' roll music, with a lot of ambiance, and almost no st-argh-y.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Jokes there are a' plenty.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: When you watch a bunch of horny men together on a ship for months and years at a time, it quickly becomes clear why pirates obsess on wenches, ale, and walking the plank... They are bored out of their blasted minds!... But that doesn't mean their debauchery won't still make some more high falutin' moralists cry inside.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Best Soundtrack. This thing is wall to wall 60s music. And not the crappy stuff either. The kind that makes you think that for every $100 they spent, $99 of it when to ASCAP.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: I love the Brits... And Philip Seymour Hoffman is good, too. But I feel sorry for Tom Sturridge, because with his pasty white skin, dark hair and cherry red lips, if he'd come along a few years earlier, he could have had Robert Pattinson's career. The good news for old Tom is that Vampire movies seem to be getting more, not less, popular, and it shouldn't be too long before someone puts him in one.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The directing injects electricity into a so-so script... But mostly, that's because the guy can pick some music. And speaking of electricity, am I the only one who wonders how a ship can sink with all sorts of electrical machinery on it, and no one gets electrocuted as they're wading through the flood waters? Or for that matter, speaking into a wet microphone?

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The script contains little hints of story in it, most of which are gravely underdeveloped (especially the storyline about the government shutting them down, which comes and goes like a ship passing in the sea.) Some of the moderately developed, meatless storylines have set ups and pay offs, but mostly it's a fun character piece about wacky djs taking the piss out of each other. (Please tell me I used that expression right, because it would certainly be the first time I did.)

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/pirate-radio/36833/trailers

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An Education

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A English school girl (Carey Mulligan), studying to go to Oxford, gets swept off her feet by an older man (Peter Sarsgaard), and starts to question which education is more valuable, the scholarly one or the one she's getting from her new boyfriend about living life.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Carey Mulligan, Peter Sarsgaard, Alfred Molina, Cara Seymour, Dominic Cooper, Rosamund Pike, Olivia Williams, Emma Thompson, Sally Hawkins

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! If for nothing else, to feel the energy of newcomer, Carey Mulligan's captivating performance.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: More so if you're highly educated and speak British.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but you do end up feeling sorry for just about everybody in it.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It will certainly spend money on a campaign. I've already seen the propaganda machine start to spin... Oh, and it won the Dramatic Audience Award for World Cinema at Sundance.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Carey Mulligan embodies the character completely, laughing nervously when she's happy, excited, and nervous.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The Cinematography, which also won an award at Sundance, is beautiful. And that always makes a director look good.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It's a somewhat original story, but still, there are several moments that may have you scratching your head. Like, first of all, why is everyone in the film so laissez-faire about that fact that a 16-year-old girl is dating a guy in his 30s? Her parents, her teachers, her friends, not one of them points out that it's a little weird. In fact, her parents, who don't seem to like anyone, love this guy, and I suppose I could have used a by numbers explanation of why.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/an-education/33272/trailers

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Adventureland

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: After graduating from college, James Bennan (Jesse Eisenberg) discovers that his parents can no longer afford to send him on vacation to Europe, and instead he’s going to have to get a summer job at Adventureland, running games and giving out stuffed toys to the winners.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Ryan Reynolds, Martin Starr, Matt Bush, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Paige Howard, Dan Bittner, Margarita Levieva, Wendie Malick, Jack Gilpin, Michael Zegen, Mary Birdsong, Josh Pais

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. What they’re selling as a comedy from the director of Superbad is actually a coming of age drama about a boy falling in love and smoking dope at work—but not in a funny way, like on That 70’s Show. It takes place in 1987, and is obviously a semi-autobiographical trip down memory lane for writer-director Greg Mattola, but the angst that he must have felt that summer, does not translate in a visceral way to the audience, so aside from the soundtrack—which includes everything 1987, from David Bowie to The Cure to Husker Du—this film won’t feel nearly as nostalgic for anyone who wasn’t actually one of Mattola’s co-workers that fateful—or maybe average-- summer.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Not nearly as much as you expect it to. But then again, Kristen Wiig has about 3 good minutes of screen time, so that at least guarantees 2 ½ minutes of laughter. What I’m saying is that everything she does is funny.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: More like, wanna eat a pot cookie and then a huge plate of pasta, while discussing your future with your parents.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: : I’m gonna give Kristen Stewart the award for Most Interchangeable Performance by an Actress. If she had shot her pouty and brooding performance up against a blue screen, they could easily use it for the sequel to Twilight.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are hardly in it enough. But Martin Starr (who played the guy growing out his beard in Knocked Up) is a good character with an original voice.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: There are some parts where the movie drags and it could’ve been paced up in editing, because as you can tell from this sentence, a thing can get boring very fast, even when it’s only dragging on for a minute here or there, and it feels like too much because it’s still going, and you don’t really care anymore, because you’ve checked out and you’re thinking about something else now, like your high school sweetheart, or what you’d like to eat as soon as you’re not reading this sentence, or something that you like, or maybe that you don’t like, wow, I could do this forever, but I think you would all stop reading my reviews if I don’t just stop now.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The biggest problem is that there is no driving force pulling you through the movie. You only casually know what the main characters want, in the big picture. They have personal problems they’re all dealing with, none of which are truly dealt with or resolved, and yet the story has very little conflict, and hardly any obstacles standing in anyone’s way. But again, on a nostalgia level, it’s vaguely satisfying.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/adventureland/30988/trailers

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Towelhead

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Based on a book by Alicia Erian, Towelhead spins a humorous tale of a 13-year-old Arab-American girl's struggle with racism, sexual awakening, and statutory rape.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Summer Bishil, Peter Macdissi, Aaron Eckhart, Toni Collette, Maria Bello, Eugene Jones III, Matt Letscher, Chase Ellison, Gemmenne de la Pena, Lynn Collins

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! Relatable, titillating and squirm inducing, this film has all the elements that make independent films worth making.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Yes.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It's moving, but not gut-wrenching, as it always stays light, even in the darkest of situations.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: You can bet on it. I don't personally believe in betting, but hey, it's your money.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Watch out, Summer Bishil! Your private life is about to come to an end. Before long the tabloids will be stalking your house, just waiting for you to do something humiliating, so they can photograph it, and expose your deepest, darkest secrets to the world... The upside is you're about to become the next "It Girl."

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Alan Ball, in his feature directorial debut, perfectly captures even the most subtle and complex of emotions as they drift fleetingly across the actors' faces. And sometimes, even the editing is funny.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: You'll quickly be reminded of why Alan Ball won an Academy Award for American Beauty. Here, in another depiction of how hard it is for us humans to walk that ambiguous moral ground, the dialogue is always unexpected and the moments are consistently original. He gives credit to the book author, but just to be safe, I'd like to give both of them a hug.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: If you're squeamish about period blood, you may want to steer clear of this one. You'll be missing a great film. But that's what you get for being a big baby.

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