A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Harold & Kumar (John Cho & Kal Penn) are no longer friends because Harold is married and has decided that Kumar's friendship is trouble.  Now Harold needs to find a 12 foot Christmas tree to appease his father-in-law (Danny Trejo), and Kumar still loves him enough to help him, despite the fact that Harold has become a stuck-up douchebag.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Kal Penn, John Cho, Danny Trejo, Thomas Lennon, Amir Blumenfeld, Paula Garces, Elias Koteas, Jordan Hinson, Patton Oswalt, Bobby Lee, Ashley Coss, Chloe Coss, Hannah Coss, RZA, Da'Vone McDonald, Yasen Peyankov, John Hoogenakker, Eddie Kaye Thomas, David Krumholtz, Neil Patrick Harris, Daneel Ackles, Bennett Saltzman, Jake M. Johnson, Richard Riehle

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  It's wacky, but not in a clever way.  The most interesting thing is the weird ways in which they attempt to use the 3D psychedelically.  But I still hate 3D.  First it makes me dizzy, and then it puts me to sleep.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  The funniest parts are around a baby's first drug trips, so that's bound to be really unfunny to parents-- mostly because parents have no sense of humor about how kids do the darndest things!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  Actually, it is sort of depressing at the beginning, when you see these two best friends who no longer talk.  Why do people who get married think they're so much better than those who don't?  Have they forgotten that over 50% of marriages end in divorce?  Do they think they're unsusceptible to that statistic?  Seriously married people, get off your high horses, and respect those people who were there for you when you were just a lonely loser, you may need them again sooner than you think.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Despite Your Highness's best efforts, this one takes the award for longest penis.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Even after his hiatus to work in the White House, Kal Penn has not forgotten how to act and be charming.  A few others start to break out in some of the miniscule roles, allowing you to picture them in bigger parts in future movies, including Jake Johnson of The New Girl, Bobby Lee of Mad TV, and Amir Blumenfeld of pretty much nothing.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  The 3D effects are noticeable, especially when you consider that Todd Strauss-Schluson is essentially a first time feature director.  Aside from those, it could have been directed by anybody.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  I just wish that Harold & Kumar had rekindled their friendship earlier on, because while the plot is clearly meant to be about the rekindling, the script is missing the love that used to be the reason Harold would put up with or go along with all of Kumar's hijinks.  Without the love, it's just one character annoying another, and that's not funny.  It's sad.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Back To Top

Bad Teacher

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A gold-digger (Cameron Diaz) resentfully moonlights as a teacher, hating her job, students, co-workers, and basically anyone who doesn’t have money that she might be able to manipulate out of them.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Lucy Punch, Jason Segel, Phyllis Smith, John Michael Higgins, Matthew J. Evans, Kaitlyn Dever, Kathryn Newton, Jillian Armenante, Igal Ben Yair

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Not boring or hard to watch, but if my description of the movie sounds like it doesn’t include a plot, well…

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Jason Segel has most of the good lines.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: When I think that this crappy teacher, with a little financial motivation, ends up being about 100 times more efficient than the majority of teachers in the public schools, yeah, it makes me a little weepy... Then again, this movie has less than nothing to do with real life, so why even compare the two.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most Desirous of the Audience Noticing that the Teacher was Not Good, but "BAD." I first noticed the strong desire to get this across when in the the opening titles, they underlined the word "Bad" three times, and then circled it twice (just in case we hadn't noticed it yet.) So of course I had to ask myself why this was so important to them, and I think I figured it out. I have concluded that naming this movie "Bad Teacher" (instead of "Whore Teacher"-- which would've been a thousand times more apt), was done in an effort to create a genre based around a similar but great movie called, Bad Santa. You see in both movies, a protagonist with a drinking problem is placed in a job that involves dealing with innocent children, where the professional is expected to be sweet, but instead is an asshole-- and therefore funny. Get it? I know you do. So as a FREE GIFT from reading my blog, here are some marketable ideas that you might want to write in this genre: Bad Camp Counselor, Bad Pediatrician, and Bad Tooth-Fairy (the list of possibilities is endless). You're welcome.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Cameron Diaz is convincingly unlikeable, and Justin Timberlake is completely miscast in the role of a naïve, easily manipulated, sensitive nerd. He is so incredibly miscast, in fact, that no amount of acting could have saved his performance. This role is simply custom-made to be played by not him. And by “not him,” I mean, Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: I tend to want to blame the director for casting Justin Timberlake in a role so ill-suited to him, and thereby causing the movie to be even more stupid than it already is... But, considering all the press about how Cameron Diaz lobbied for her ex to have this role, I tend to think that Jake Kasdan's hands were tied. After all, she’s the big star, and his job is to make sure she doesn’t walk, thereby causing his movie to never get made at all.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Most of the elements of the school, the teacher-student relationships, the parent-teacher relationships, the teacher-teacher and principal-teacher relationships are as unlikely as a woman who looks like Cameron Diaz and acts like a transparent bitch ever getting hired for a job around pubescent children. But the most offensive and blatant problem with the script is the resolution, where the character turns around her whole attitude because I have no idea why.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Bad Teacher Trailer

Back To Top

The Wackness

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A coming of age buddy movie between a high school graduate (Josh Peck) and a middle aged psychiatrist (Ben Kingsley), who form a friendship as they simultaneously learn to become men.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Josh Peck, Ben Kingsley, Olivia Thirlby, Famke Janssen, Mary-Kate Olsen, Jane Adams, Method Man, Aaron Yoo, Talia Balsam, David Wohl

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! You see, indy movies can have a point!

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Right when you least expect it.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Probably not, but the feeling of heartbreak is palpable.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It won the Audience Award at Sundance.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Ben Kingsley clearly chose this role because he wanted to remind everyone of how infinite his talent is, and he does. Josh Peck makes you forget that he's a graduate of the Nickelodeon school of sitcoms. And Olivia Thirlby, in the role of the perfect woman, proves that she's got what it takes to be a leading lady.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Shot entirely in sepia tones, the film has a deliberately nostalgic feeling to it. Adding to that are a smattering of dream sequences and surreal moments, that seem to have no place in the style of the film, and yet somehow never take you out of it.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It's a small film that doesn't try to do very much, but the emotion is relatable, and the dialogue is lean and often original.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: The soundtrack is like a dope mixed tape of old school hip-hop.
Word.

Back To Top