A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Harold & Kumar (John Cho & Kal Penn) are no longer friends because Harold is married and has decided that Kumar's friendship is trouble.  Now Harold needs to find a 12 foot Christmas tree to appease his father-in-law (Danny Trejo), and Kumar still loves him enough to help him, despite the fact that Harold has become a stuck-up douchebag.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Kal Penn, John Cho, Danny Trejo, Thomas Lennon, Amir Blumenfeld, Paula Garces, Elias Koteas, Jordan Hinson, Patton Oswalt, Bobby Lee, Ashley Coss, Chloe Coss, Hannah Coss, RZA, Da'Vone McDonald, Yasen Peyankov, John Hoogenakker, Eddie Kaye Thomas, David Krumholtz, Neil Patrick Harris, Daneel Ackles, Bennett Saltzman, Jake M. Johnson, Richard Riehle

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  It's wacky, but not in a clever way.  The most interesting thing is the weird ways in which they attempt to use the 3D psychedelically.  But I still hate 3D.  First it makes me dizzy, and then it puts me to sleep.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  The funniest parts are around a baby's first drug trips, so that's bound to be really unfunny to parents-- mostly because parents have no sense of humor about how kids do the darndest things!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  Actually, it is sort of depressing at the beginning, when you see these two best friends who no longer talk.  Why do people who get married think they're so much better than those who don't?  Have they forgotten that over 50% of marriages end in divorce?  Do they think they're unsusceptible to that statistic?  Seriously married people, get off your high horses, and respect those people who were there for you when you were just a lonely loser, you may need them again sooner than you think.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Despite Your Highness's best efforts, this one takes the award for longest penis.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Even after his hiatus to work in the White House, Kal Penn has not forgotten how to act and be charming.  A few others start to break out in some of the miniscule roles, allowing you to picture them in bigger parts in future movies, including Jake Johnson of The New Girl, Bobby Lee of Mad TV, and Amir Blumenfeld of pretty much nothing.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  The 3D effects are noticeable, especially when you consider that Todd Strauss-Schluson is essentially a first time feature director.  Aside from those, it could have been directed by anybody.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  I just wish that Harold & Kumar had rekindled their friendship earlier on, because while the plot is clearly meant to be about the rekindling, the script is missing the love that used to be the reason Harold would put up with or go along with all of Kumar's hijinks.  Without the love, it's just one character annoying another, and that's not funny.  It's sad.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

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30 Minutes or Less

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A pizza delivery boy (Jesse Eisenberg) wakes up strapped to a bomb, with a pair of small time criminals (Danny McBride & Nick Swardson) demanding that he rob a bank for $100,000 if he wants to get out of exploding.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride, Aziz Ansari, Nick Swardson, Dilshad Vadsaria, Michael Pena, Bianca Kajlich, Fred Ward

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It's incredibly dumb, but not dumb enough to be awesome.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The funniest clips are in the trailer, and to add insult to injury, even those are slightly funnier when taken out of the context of the film.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No emotions of any kind will be had.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Funniest panel at Comic Con. If you weren't one of the thousand people at that panel, you may never discover how truly hilarious the actors in this film actually are. Because it's not particularly clear from watching this film.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Aziz Ansari is such a bad actor that he makes Jesse Eisenberg seem like he's over-acting just for hitting his emotions at appropriate levels. And Michael Pena, whose resume includes just about everything serious that's ever been made, turns out to be something of a comic genius... After this performance, I have a feeling that he will get a speedy welcome into the club.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The opening car scene is pretty awesome... and then you never notice the directing again.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: So after getting a bomb strapped to you, you go to your best friend who is a school teacher, and you say "Rob a bank with me," at which point he deserts his classroom full of children and agrees to rob a bank with you. Think about that... Yeah, there's no world in which it happens that way. Here's a possible alternative. You rob a bank by yourself, while your best friend calls the cops to explain why you're robbing the bank, and then the cops, using their years of professional knowledge and expertise, devise a strategy to get you out of that bomb. And don't get me started on the dialogue.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: 30 Minutes or Less Trailer

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Pineapple Express

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A process server (Seth Rogen), who is always stoned on the job, accidentally witnesses a cop committing a murder, and is forced to go on the run with his drug dealer (James Franco).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Gary Cole, Rosie Perez, Kevin Corrigan, Craig Robinson, Amber Heard, Ed Begley Jr., Bill Hader

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! It's a good reminder that drugs and guns don't mix! Or drugs and cars, for that matter... Or drugs and jobs, or drugs and friends, or drugs and... You know, after seeing this movie I'm starting to think the only thing drugs mix with is sitting in a padded room. Alone. Legalize it!

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: When you're laughing at death, you know they're doing something right.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Almost... Okay, probably not, but there is a strong, beautiful love that flows between the two male stars of this movie. You won't even want them to quit each other.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: No, but I may give out an award to the person who wins my "Seth Rogen's Celebrity Teeth Pool." Here's the idea: I recently noticed that Seth Rogen's two front teeth are exactly twice as long as any of the other teeth in his mouth, much like a member of the Rodent Family. Since he doesn't need them that way for gnawing wood, and he's eventually going to want to start looking like an actual celebrity, I imagine it's only a matter of time before he fixes his teeth through filing, veneering, or simply knocking them all out and starting over with dentures. My pool will give you, my loyal reader, an opportunity to place bets on how many more movies we will see him in before he has new teeth. The winner of the pool will get an award-- though I can't guarantee it'll be anything more than a hug. Please place your bets in the comments section of this post. (Sorry, Seth, but somebody was gonna point it out sooner or later.)

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Any good-looking actor who wants to be taken seriously, should always play a stoner. Brad Pitt won us over when he played Floyd in True Romance. Ashton Kutcher won us over in That 70's Show. Even Keanu Reeves made us think he could act in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Well, now it's James Franco's turn to prove-- through marijuana abuse-- that he's more than just a pretty face. And boy does he! Showing his comedy chops should catapult his career to the next level. Yes, I know that doing Spiderman seems like it should count for something, but if we're honest, I think we can all agree that it never got him A-list status.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: David Gordon Green, who is known for making small indy films on a micro budget, actually makes this look like a bonafide Hollywood movie. Who knew?

Q: How is the story/script?

A: From the writers of Superbad, and with the supervision of Judd Apatow, this script is exactly what you'd expect it to be: an implausible story that somehow still makes sense, about grown men acting immature and irresponsible, yet charming, as nonsense ejects from their lips, causing you to both laugh and be a little moved.

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