Sex and the City 2

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Samantha (Kim Cattrall) gets invited to Abu Dhabi and invites Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Charlotte (Kristin Davis), and Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), on an all-expenses paid vacation where they can get away from their marital problems only to be reminded of them, while Samantha struggles with the de-sexualization of women in this part of the world.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Chris Noth, John Corbett, David Eigenberg, Evan Handler, Willie Garson, Mario Cantone, Jason Lewis, Alice Eve, Max Ryan, Alexandra Fong, Parker Fong, Raza Jaffrey, Walton Nunes, with Liza Minnelli, Penelope Cruz, Miley Cyrus

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Aside from the anticipation, the most exciting part of seeing this movie is watching all the packs of pre-arousal women entering the theater dressed up like they are characters from the film (myself included). It reminds me of another campy and oftentimes boring movie that has made an event out of audience participation. So watch out Rocky Horror Picture Show! You're getting old, and you may soon be replaced by a younger batch of overly sexed, pre-menopausal ladies, who look like they're in drag most of the time.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Some. But a lot of the jokes try too hard to be witty, young, and hip, and in so doing end up looking like old people dressing too young for their age. If you want to make up cute little terms like "friendtervention," save it for when you get hired to write Bring It On 7.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: I cried when I realized how blatantly the character and dialogue wreaked of having been written by a gay man. Gay men and straight women do not think or act the same way as each other, because gay men are still men. Sex and the City came to prominence because women were starved for stories that dealt with their issues and dilemmas in a real way. So if you're gonna have a gay man writing and directing, at least get a woman consultant on board and listen to what she has to say... And this in a film that talks about women not having a voice.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The MacGruber Award. For a scene so ridiculous, it would only be appropriate if it had been in MacGruber. Did you know that according to this movie, the women in Abu Dhabi wear big furry Versace outfits underneath their burkas? Yeah, they do that because it's not hot enough being in 109 degree weather covered from head to face to toe in a black sheet. You know what, while we're here, lets just give all the fashion in this movie the MacGruber Award.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: The girls do a good job of bringing back their characters like not a day has gone by. Separately, at the ripe age of 43, I think British actor, Max Ryan, may have finally gotten his breakout role. Move over George Clooney, there's a new silver fox in town!

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Considering some of the themes that are broached in this movie, it could have been great if only Michael Patrick King had cut about 45 minutes out of it, so he could have actually delved into the broached themes. Here are some of the obvious cut suggestions: 1) the gay wedding-- which doesn't advance the story in any way whatsoever, 2) the karaoke scene--which advances nothing, 3) the scene where they ride camels in the desert-- which seems to only be set there so that Samantha can say "Lawrence of my labia," 4) the tour of their hotel room-- which is only fun for the first 15 seconds of the 3 minute long sequence, 5) the 4 Maybachs-- if I went on vacation with my friends, I would want to sit in the car with them, and it's clear that the only reason they each get their own is so the director can shoot endless montages, that look like car commercials, of them driving together and pulling up together, 6) the extraneous costume changes-- yes we know the movie is about fashion, but we don't need to have scenes about changing into another outfit at the airport and in the desert. Nobody does that. Not even them. They know where they're going, they dress for it, and when they get back to the hotel, they change into new clothes for the next event. That also avoids clunky dialogue like, "Oh, but I can't ride a camel in this!" As well as voice overs like, "12 hours and one outfit change later, we were in Abu Dhabi."

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Sure there are a couple of classic S&TC scenes, like when Charlotte and Miranda discuss the difficulties of motherhood, and when Carrie and Aidan go on a date, but most of the drama is so light and surface-scratching that I actually thought I was watching an episode of The Hills at times. The Really Old Hills. If Michael Patrick King had cut some of the above mentioned scenes, he would've had time to get into the women's dramatic struggles in ways that had, well, drama. And I'm not into spoilers, so don't get me started on Carrie's plot's resolution!

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: What is the appeal of Mr. Big? He has no personality, and never has. He just looks like a giant-sized wallet to me, and that makes Carrie look like your run of the mill gold-digger. She has always had way more chemistry with Aidan.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/sex-and-the-city-2/35814/trailers

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Iron Man 2

(Guest Review by Annette)

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Billionaire playboy/weapons specialist Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is back. The government wants him to hand over the Iron Man technology, the energy core is poisoning him, and there’s a bad Russian (Mickey Rourke) in town who is bent on revenge.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Robert Downey Jr., Don Cheadle, Scarlett Johansson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sam Rockwell, Mickey Rourke, Samuel L. Jackson, Jon Favreau, Garry Shandling, Clark Gregg, John Slattery, Paul Bettany, Kate Mara, Leslie Bibb, Christiane Amanpour, Larry Ellison, DJ Am, Stan Lee, Olivia Munn, Jack White

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It’s not as good as the original, but if you like high-octane action (read: lots of stuff blowing up) and don’t mind a predictable storyline, go see Iron Man Part Deux.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: RDJ delivers the trademark Tony Stark snark. Expect a few chuckles, but don’t worry about popping your stitches.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you thought Mickey Rourke was hot in 9 ½ Weeks, you’ll spend the entire movie getting choked up about the fact that he never became a silver-fox like George Clooney.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The New Coke Award given out to all the sequels that just don’t live up to the original.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Robert Downey Jr. IS Tony Stark. Like every character he takes on, you just can’t imagine any other actor in that role. Mickey Rourke makes an awesome villain without even trying; he’d be the first person you’d cast in a movie about Genghis Khan or Janice Dickinson. Sam Rockwell makes a great sleazy weasel—the kind that makes you wish you had a whack-a-mole mallet. Jackson and Cheadle are under-utilized and it's sad to see their talent wasted in such underdeveloped roles. ScarJo is merely a set decoration to ramp up the comic fanboy drool factor. Don’t ask me about Gwyneth Paltrow. She irks.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: CGI heavy.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Weighed down with too many subplots. Lots of things blow up. Tony Stark has clever dialogue. That pretty much sums it up.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: I think Chelsea Handler is the only person who wouldn’t realize they swapped out Terrance Howard for Don Cheadle in the role of Lt. Col. Rhodey Rhodes. (see explanation of this joke here: http://www.tvsquad.com/2010/05/21/chelsea-handler-mixes-up-african-american-actors-video/)

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/iron-man-2/33909/trailers

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MacGruber

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Based on the Saturday Night Live sketch, MacGruber, which is based on spoofing the 1980s TV show, MacGyver, this is the story of a supposedly amazing ex-special operative who actually totally sucks. But don't tell him that.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, Ryan Phillippe, Val Kilmer, Powers Boothe, Maya Rudolph

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. This is another one of those movies that is so dumb that it's funny. I learned from my review of Hot Tub Time Machine that some of you don't find humor in complete and total idiocy, so this yellow light is dedicated to you. The dumbditude of this movie makes Hot Tub Time Machine look like it's targeted at Mensa members.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The people next to me giggled awkwardly and uncontrollably from the beginning to the end. I'm pretty sure they were high.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Personally, I had a tear of nostalgia, because in college, I, too, used to get high. With a couple of the writers of this movie, in fact. So the dialogue brought me right back to those good old days of the deep, important conversations, which if any of us had been sober, would have sounded completely nonsensical.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Best backstory in any movie, ever.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: It is some of the best acting I've seen out of both Will Forte and Ryan Phillippe... which I recognize, isn't saying much in either case.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Jorma Taccone shows a little too much gore for my taste, but aside from that, his style is perfectly matched to the broad tone of the script.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: High on potty humor and low on cleverness, but a good, dumb time, nonetheless.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: There is a homophobic joke that wants to be funny, but is only offensive. You know I'm not easily offended by humor, as I try to be an equal opportunity offender, myself. But if you're sensitive to homophobia, be warned. This joke misses the mark for anybody who understands that you can be a buff manly-man, and still want to have sex with dudes.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/macgruber/38929/trailers

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Shrek Forever After 3D

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: In the fourth installment of this animated children's franchise, Shrek gets tired of his perfect life, and wishes he could go back to being a real, scary, independent ogre for just one day. Unfortunately, to make his wish come true, he makes a deal with the devil (Rumpelstiltskin), and enters an alternate universe where nobody knows who Shrek is, and the day he saved the princess and fell in love never happened. Basically, It's a Shrekiful Life!

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, Walt Dohrn, Julie Andrews, John Cleese, Jon Hamm, Craig Robinson, Jane Lynch, Lake Bell, Kathy Griffin, Mary Kay Place, Kristen Schaal, Meredith Vieira, Ryan Seacrest, Larry King, Regis Philbin

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! While doing a take on It's a Wonderful Life isn't the most original idea anybody has ever had, it comes off as incredibly original for this franchise, which is in the habit of parodying every fairy tale it can get its hands on. It's also a clever way to reinvigorate a franchise in its fourth installment, by telling an original origin story about Shrek and Fiona, in an alternate Universe.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If you compare it to how funny the 1st Shrek was, you will remember to be disappointed by the level of humor.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you compare it to how touching and romantic the 1st Shrek was, you will remember to be disappointed by the level of emotion... But, hey, maybe that'll make you cry!

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: An Academy Award nomination for Best Animated Feature is standard operating procedure for Shrek, so now all they need to do is find some way to prevent Pixar from releasing Toy Story 3 this year. Better luck next time!

Q: How is the Acting?

A: There are some nice additions to the cast in this installment, most notably Walt Dohrn as the complex but totally transparent baddie, Rumpelstiltskin, and Craig Robinson as a lovable ogre obsessed with chimichangas.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: I tried to find the movie playing in 2D so I could enjoy the complexities of the beautiful fantasy world created by the director and the animators, but it was only playing in 3D, which I'm totally over. My eyes already see things in 3D, and after the initial 5 seconds of getting used to the effect, I tend to forget that the effect is even there... Oh, and guess what, they jacked up the surcharge again.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I wish it were as funny and touching as it used to be, but as a screenwriter, I am inspired by the device the story department came up with to make the story feel fresh so late in the game. Unfortunately, there is a misstep where the story should have ended, but Shrek makes a somewhat illogical choice in order to prolong the story, and give us what will ultimately be a more satisfying ending. The direction they go in is more fun, but it's hard to believe that he would make that choice over the one that gets him right back to his original life.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/shrek-forever-after/30186/trailers

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Casino Jack and the United States of Money

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A documentary about how lobbyist, Jack Abramoff, manipulated the system for personal profit, and how it's not really his fault that he's super clever, because the system was set up for him to be able to do that.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Real Washington mucky-mucks.

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It's really long for a movie that's basically a well told history lesson, and you practically need a Phd in political science and 5 or more years working in Washington D.C. to follow parts of it.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Some of the soundtrack choices are humorous.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, because if you cared about the sorry state of the US government, you probably would've gotten up off your lazy butt and tried to do something to make it better. But I guess, you, like I have lost all hope of actually being able to make a difference, so I forgive you. And as the movie points out, you can't get anything done without powerful connections and lots of money to pay them to agree to push through your ideas (without reading them, of course).

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: "A" for effort. At least this movie is trying to start a conversation and make a point. Then again, I think the point may have been, "Our country is screwed, it always has been, and it always will be. That's what you idiots get for worshiping money."

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Some of these criminals are really good at acting like they were the victims.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: There are several distracting shots of people's hands, kankles, and crotches. I would think that the director/producer of a vast majority of the important documentaries of our time would be able to find something a little more pertinent and interesting to cut away to when he needs to tighten the dialogue. But I guess he didn't have time to find those shots, since this is only one of three movies Alex Gibney has directed, that are coming out this year.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: If you know stuff about stuff you may not learn anything you didn't know. And if you don't know stuff about stuff, you'll learn some stuff, but you'll also be really confused about stuff, because stuff is complicated.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: There's a fictionalized biopic about this very same thing, coming out in the future, starring Kevin Spacey. I enjoyed that one more, as it was easier to follow, and had more entertainment value. But stuff was still complicated.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/casino-jack-and-the-united-states-of/10025113/trailers

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Behind the Burly Q

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Talking head documentary about the birth, life, and death of Burlesque in America.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: A bunch of very old sexy ladies and Alan Alda.

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! While the subject matter should be fascinating, the film is so poorly compiled, that you almost had to be there to know who's who. This reduces the demographic to men over 70, and since that's about the age when most people get some form of dementia or Alzheimer's, that reduces the audience to about 3 people.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: I found the amount of plastic surgery on these ex-burlesque dancers to be humorous. But don't get me wrong, some of them looked hot!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It's a problem for me that it's not emotionally compelling, despite the fact that most of these women tell the devastatingly horrible stories of the childhoods which led them to taking off their clothes for money... Well, I guess some things never change.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I was very impressed with the eyelashes. Obviously they were falsies, but they came in so many different shapes and sizes, that it seemed like women could really express themselves with the eyelashes they chose. Kind of like how we use shoes these days.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Not dissimilarly to today, most of these showgirls were failed actresses, so it's not surprising that they discussed their sordid pasts on camera like it was the most important accomplishment anyone had ever achieved. But actually, it did sound like an interesting life of travel and hard work, if you don't count the part about having to take off your clothes for a bunch of lecherous men who are objectifying you in their minds.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Leslie Zemeckis' ability to acquire archival footage is impressive, but her ability to put it together into a story that makes sense and is easy to follow leaves a lot to be desired. Most of the time, I had no idea who the talking heads were talking about or what the talker's significance was in the burlesque movement. Were the women interviewed the biggest stars? Were they the girls on the sidelines who watched the big stars make it, while they stood in the wings? If I had been told upfront, even just that, I would have become more involved in the whole thing. Most of the time I didn't even know who was talking. It got tiring, and then it started to feel too long.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It does get you thinking about how when you grow old you lose your secret weapon of beauty, and how tough that is for those of us who have learned to rely on our good looks to get what we want. There are also a lot of interesting tidbits about history, but it's just not strong enough to be watched as anything more than a television documentary on the History Channel, and I have no idea how it got theatrical distribution.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=189Zme-Ioh8

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Just Wright

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A physical therapist (Queen Latifah) meets the star player of The Nets basketball team (Common), but then her God-sister (Paula Patton) claims him, until he gets injured and needs the help of a good PT.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Queen Latifah, Common, Paula Patton, James Pickens Jr., Phylicia Rashad, Pam Grier, Laz Alonso, Mehcad Brooks, Michael Landes, Dwight Howard, Dwayne Wade, Rashard Lewis, Bobby Simmons Jr., Jalen Rose, Rajon Rondo, Marv Albert, Elton Brand, Terence Blanchard, Tim Walsh, Rod Thorn, Loe Ehrline, J.J. Thorn

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Just Wright probably should've been called "Just Pwedictable." I mean, so long as we're adding superfluous "W"s and talking like Elmer Fudd, wright?

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It's cwute enough to make you smiwel.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Pwobably a wittle, if youwe a womantic like me.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I'll tell you what it won't win: a spelling bee.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Paula Patton proved she was boring in Precious, and in Just Wright she's Just Wrong (spelled correctly). The character is hateable, but her acting makes it worse. Common masterfully differentiates his feelings for the women with a sly smile for the girl he wants to sleep with, as opposed to the sincere smile he gives the girl he wants to be friends with. And Latifah has charm oozing out of every pore.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: My friend, Aaron, really liked the way the director showed just the right amount of basketball for a chick flick, and showcased a baller's house without making him or it look ostentatious, or over-the-top ornate to the point of gaudiness, "Like they usually do." Personally, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary about the directing, except during passage of time montages, where Sanaa Hamri used little overlapping boxes of action to move through time faster. But I've seen that before.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It starts out poorly, but gradually improves as the romance builds in a very real way, and the awfullest of awful characters (Paula Patton) starts to fall by the way side. And it's a good thing she kind of disappears from the script because she is selfish to the point that you start to lose respect for Queen Latifah for continuing to be friends with her.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/just-wright/10024795/trailers

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Letters to Juliet

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: In Verona, Italy, there is a wall where broken-hearted lovers write letters to Juliet Capulet. While on a pre-wedding honeymoon with her semi-absent fiancé, Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) discovers this tradition and writes back to a woman (Vanessa Redgrave) who left a letter there 50 years ago, changing the course of that woman's life as well as her own.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Amanda Seyfried, Christopher Egan, Vanessa Redgrave, Gael Garcia Bernal, Franco Nero, Luisa Ranieri, Marina Massironi, Lidia Biondi, Milena Vukotic, Luisa De Santis, Marcia DeBonis

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. The problem with young love is that it's based on feelings, smells, and other animal instincts. That kind of love doesn't tell you anything about what your day to day life would be like with someone if you were to actually marry them. And since that's the only part of the love that is shown or expressed in either of the main couples, I am left with a feeling, smell and animal instinct that in real life, they're not gonna make it.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Some of the sincerely delivered declarations of true love are kind of laughable.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: The violins in the score sure do try hard to push you in that direction.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The award here goes out to Missed Connections on craigslist.com and Facebook. Thanks to computers, these days, we can track down all our star-crossed past loves without the nasty expense of flying all the way to Italy... Wait, what I meant to say was, "Damn you, computers!!!"

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Amanda Seyfried is lucky I've seen Chloe, Mean Girls, and Mamma Mia, because if I had to rely on this film alone to judge her acting, I'd think she was very mediocre. And I don't know where they dug up this British* guy, Christopher Egan, but he walks funny, and unfortunately, it lowers his sex appeal by at least half. (*I've just been informed that they dug up the British guy in Australia. Which explains why they liked him, because with an Australian accent, this guy is practically a clone of Heath Ledger. And who wouldn't want to discover the next Heath Ledger?... But looks aside, I'm not convinced he's it.)

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Everyone in the film has noticeably beautiful eyes, and can someone please tell me why I've never been to Italy?! Oh, wow, I just figured out what you guys are buying me for my birthday.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: So the reason we're supposed to dislike the original fiancé is because he's too passionate about his work. Okay, first of all, he works as a restaurateur, and while in Italy he wants to go to all his vendors to taste their wine, cheese, olive oil, and salami. I'm sorry, but how does she manage to find fault in that? That's what people go to Italy to do! Second of all, I don't remember the last time I met a guy who was that passionate about his work, because if I did, I'd probably be in love with him as we speak. And lastly, what on Earth does she see in the pompous English a-hole that she's forced to travel with, and when exactly do they fall in love?The only "moment" I saw, was the one when he went from hating her to staring at her with googly eyes for no apparent reason.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: There's too much looking for Lorenzo.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/letters-to-juliet/37890/trailers

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Babies

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: This documentary follows four babies from different parts of the world (Namibia, Mongolia, Tokyo, San Francisco) during their first year of life, comparing and contrasting how child rearing in civilized and uncivilized society is completely different and also exactly the same.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Four kids under a year old who already have bigger acting careers than you. And three of them don't even speak English.

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. What I like about this movie (aside from all the cuteness) is the way that without telling us anything, it reminds us that we are animals in nature who function with or without the societies that we create. What some of you may not like, is that in the age of Facebook, you've probably already seen more footage of babies that aren't yours than you can stomach.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Less if you've already seen the previews, but still quite a bit.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but I wouldn't want to be any of of these kids when they get to Junior High. When I was a pre-teen, I remember being embarrassed in front of my friends that my parents had naked baby pictures of me. Not only do these kids have a whole naked theatrical release about them, but two of them poop, one of them discovers his genitals, and one of them throws a temper tantrum over something really dumb.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: We may as well go ahead and give it the Cuteness Award, because babies don't appreciate it when you take that away from them. So far, it's all they've got.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Each child has such a distinct personality and disposition from the start, that it becomes hard to argue against nature's roll in providing us each with a soul and an essence that no one could ever imitate or duplicate.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Heartless. There are times when these babies are getting themselves into potentially perilous situations, and you can't help but wonder how the cameraman can just sit there rolling film, rather than jumping in and saving these poor, helpless things from themselves... Then again, those are the best moments in the film.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Seemingly simple and innocuous, but if you go see it with intelligent people, you will be surprised at how much there is to talk about (and argue about) afterward, both regarding societal norms and the constant learning curve of being human.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Yes. Enjoying life is not about money. We are survivors by nature and can adapt to any conditions. Don't ever forget it.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/babies/50452/trailers

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Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: An orphan gets plucked from the streets and made a prince in the Persian Empire. But when he grows up, he gets framed as a traitor by someone trying to steal a magical dagger, in order to gain power in the kingdom.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina, Richard Coyle, Toby Kebbell, Gisli Orn Garoarsson, Steve Toussaint, Reece Ritchie

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. There is something very strange about trying to figure out what this movie wants to be. It requires too much suspension of disbelief for adults, but is possibly too mature and convoluted for kids. The special effects and warfare style are jarringly modern, despite the fact that the story and weapons are from the 500s B.C.... But I'm pretty sure that's the kind of confused mess you're gonna get when you try to make a movie about the Ancient Persian Empire that's based on a video game.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The special effect that shows the time shifting might. Especially when you consider that a committee of people sat around for days-- possibly months-- planning what it was going to look like. Ha! Losers.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Brotherhood is a beautiful thing. And the more refined version of this movie might have got ya', but by the time this version gets around to that stuff, you're not taking it seriously enough to let it touch you. It's a lot like some dates I've been on.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Cleanest Shower-less Sand-Dwellers Ever! Even the dirty people look like they've recently encountered soap and water. And if you're royalty, forget it, even blood can't stick to you!

Q: How is the Acting?

A: There's something about Jake Gyllenhaal, where even when his muscles are bulging and covered in dust, he still looks like he was plucked right out of modern times. I think it's his snarky know-it-all smile. Diametrically opposed to that, I am always amazed at how Alfred Molina manages to slip into any role, in any place, and any time period, in such a way that most people still have no idea who he is, despite the fact that he's in nearly 50% of all Oscar nominated movies, and 70% of all blockbusters.*

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The special effects are distracting and confusing, both in their workmanship and in the choice to use them so obviously for acrobatics that should've been made to look like they had actually been accomplished.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The story has some good twists, which might seem vaguely clever if the dialogue didn't spell it all out for you in excruciatingly on the nose exposition. But you know where I could have used a little on the nose exposition? In the explanation of why this character can survive deadly jumps and scale walls and single-handedly defeat whole armies. Does he have superpowers? Or is he a regular man, as the narration tries to imply? What's his deal and how did he get that way?

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: *The percentages in the Acting section are completely made-up by me, and only based on my own personal observation of how brilliant Molina is at both acting and picking parts in commercial movies as well as indies that cause him to blow your mind without ever noticing that the dad in An Education is the same guy who played Doc Ock in Spiderman 2.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/prince-of-persia-the-sands-of-time/30387/trailers

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