Q: What’s the movie about?
A: An orphan gets plucked from the streets and made a prince in the Persian Empire. But when he grows up, he gets framed as a traitor by someone trying to steal a magical dagger, in order to gain power in the kingdom.
Q: Who’s in the movie?
A: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina, Richard Coyle, Toby Kebbell, Gisli Orn Garoarsson, Steve Toussaint, Reece Ritchie
Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?
A: Proceed with Caution. There is something very strange about trying to figure out what this movie wants to be. It requires too much suspension of disbelief for adults, but is possibly too mature and convoluted for kids. The special effects and warfare style are jarringly modern, despite the fact that the story and weapons are from the 500s B.C.... But I'm pretty sure that's the kind of confused mess you're gonna get when you try to make a movie about the Ancient Persian Empire that's based on a video game.
Q: Will this movie make me laugh?
A: The special effect that shows the time shifting might. Especially when you consider that a committee of people sat around for days-- possibly months-- planning what it was going to look like. Ha! Losers.
Q: Will this movie make me cry?
A: Brotherhood is a beautiful thing. And the more refined version of this movie might have got ya', but by the time this version gets around to that stuff, you're not taking it seriously enough to let it touch you. It's a lot like some dates I've been on.
Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?
A: Cleanest Shower-less Sand-Dwellers Ever! Even the dirty people look like they've recently encountered soap and water. And if you're royalty, forget it, even blood can't stick to you!
Q: How is the Acting?
A: There's something about Jake Gyllenhaal, where even when his muscles are bulging and covered in dust, he still looks like he was plucked right out of modern times. I think it's his snarky know-it-all smile. Diametrically opposed to that, I am always amazed at how Alfred Molina manages to slip into any role, in any place, and any time period, in such a way that most people still have no idea who he is, despite the fact that he's in nearly 50% of all Oscar nominated movies, and 70% of all blockbusters.*
Q: How is the Directing?
A: The special effects are distracting and confusing, both in their workmanship and in the choice to use them so obviously for acrobatics that should've been made to look like they had actually been accomplished.
Q: How is the story/script?
A: The story has some good twists, which might seem vaguely clever if the dialogue didn't spell it all out for you in excruciatingly on the nose exposition. But you know where I could have used a little on the nose exposition? In the explanation of why this character can survive deadly jumps and scale walls and single-handedly defeat whole armies. Does he have superpowers? Or is he a regular man, as the narration tries to imply? What's his deal and how did he get that way?
Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?
A: *The percentages in the Acting section are completely made-up by me, and only based on my own personal observation of how brilliant Molina is at both acting and picking parts in commercial movies as well as indies that cause him to blow your mind without ever noticing that the dad in An Education is the same guy who played Doc Ock in Spiderman 2.
Q: Where can I see the trailer?
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