O'Horten

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A railroad conductor retires after a life of rigidity and schedule, to finally discover the lighter side of life.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Baard Owe, Espen Skjonberg, Ghita Norby, Henny Moan, Bjorn Floberg, Kai Remlov, Peder Anders Lohne Hamer, Kari Loland

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! The only reason to see this movie is if you want to look at a snowy Norwegian vista, but you can’t afford a ticket to visit it live.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Only if you have a lot of patience and a very peculiar sense of what’s funny.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Boy, will it not do that.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: If a movie could be a wallflower, this one would define that genre. But to get awards somebody has to notice you exist.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Most of the characters aren’t on screen long enough to do anything wrong. (You have to see the movie to know how incredibly true that is.)

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The lighting, framing and production design are what make this film a piece of art…

Q: How is the story/script?

A: …And the quiet story-less story is what makes this art film another boring piece of-- art film.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: This movie doesn’t come out until May 15th in the US, but I’m posting it now because it’s already out in the rest of the world.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/search/o'horten/trailers

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The Hurt Locker

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: An elite Army bomb squad is in constant peril, as they go around Iraq’s war zone finding and disassembling camouflaged, hand made bombs.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: : Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, Brian Geraghty, Christan Camargo, Guy Pearce, Ralph Fiennes, Evangeline Lilly, David Morse, Suhail Aldabbach

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! Plot-wise, this movie would’ve worked better as a video game. Mainly because it’s the same scene over and over: We find a bomb, we disarm it. We find a bomb, we disarm it. We find a bomb, we disarm it. At least if it were a game, we’d get to participate at levels of ever-increasing difficulty.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Why anybody would want to see a movie that tries to make you feel like you’re in the middle of the Iraq War, at this particular juncture in our history is beyond me, so if you’re going to this, I probably can’t relate to you enough to tell you if it will make you laugh…

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: …or cry.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It won several awards at the Venice Film Festival (none of which I’ve ever heard of), and it was up for 2 Spirit Awards for acting. But before you question my harsh judgment of this film, may I remind you that I’ve watched it, you haven’t.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Jeremy Renner is the most under-rated actor in Hollywood, and has been for years. Maybe because he tends to pick dark, interesting roles in dark, uninteresting movies.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: As proven by her body of work, Kathryn Bigelow is a director who feels more confident about shooting action scenes than telling a story. This frantically shot film, with only a semblance of a story, continues in the tradition.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Some of the characters are interesting, but you won’t gain much insight beyond the fact that war is Hell… And we already knew that.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: If you still want to see an Iraq war movie after reading this review, rent Traitor. Here’s a link to my review of Traitor: http://moviereviewfaqs.blogspot.com/2008/08/traitor.html

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/search/the%20hurt%20locker/trailers

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Fired Up!

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Two high school football players (Nicholas D'Agasto and Eric Christian Olsen), decide that there will be more doable girls at cheer camp than at football camp, so they make up some lame excuses to cut out on one in favor of the other, and spend their summer spreading diseases. (Okay, so there's no mention of disease in the movie. I'm just prognosticating.)

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Nicholas D'Agasto, Eric Christian Olsen, Sarah Roemer, Molly Sims, David Walton, John Michael Higgins, Philip Baker Hall, Adhir Kalyan, Juliette Goglia, Jake Sandvig, Michael Blaiklock, Margo Harshman, Edie McClurg, AnnaLynne McCord, Danneel Harris

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. We spend long months and sometimes years waiting for a movie of this sort to come out, but ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, that rare commodity, that special gem... It's finally here: a movie so bad that it's good!

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Every term you can think of for breast, butt, and [insert any sexual organ here] (I know) is pulled out of the gutter in this all out effort to pretend that women's lib never happened.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Well I cried when more than one man turned me down to see this movie over the weekend, because it was too stupid, and clearly for girls. And I cried again (this time with joy), when I arrived at a Tuesday night screening filled with exclusively men, secretly watching this movie with glee.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Yeah-- right!

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Sarah Roemer is a beauty who may not have the chops to pull off comedy. Eric Christian Olsen is clearly 10 years too old to play high school. And Nicholas D'Agasto is just right.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: This movie reminded me of one of those cheesy low budget movies you used to be able to find at 3am on the USA Network. Some might take that as an insult, but seriously, when was the last time you managed to turn one of those off before the clock hit 5am and you realized that you just got caught up in a total schlock-fest and loved every minute of it!

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It starts out at the bottom of the barrel, and painstakingly climbs its way up that barrel wall, until it ends, and you find yourself saying silly things like, "That was sweet."

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/fired-up/33561/trailers

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Taken

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: When a retired spy's daughter gets kidnapped, he (Liam Neeson) will stop at nothing to get her back before she is sold into prostitution.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace, Famke Janssen, Xander Berkeley, Katie Cassidy, Nicholas Giraud, Olivier Rabourdin,

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Though it's billed as a thriller, this film fits more cleanly into the superhero genre. Despite the fact that Liam Neeson doesn't wear a cape or a mask, or have any notable superpowers, his skills at tracking and apprehending bad guys are definitely superhuman. And while the film is entertaining throughout, it is missing the one thing that makes and breaks a good superhero movie: a worthy adversary.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Human trafficking, now there's a funny topic!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Some saps I know might've gotten teary-eyed during the epilogue. But I can't vouch for them.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It's been doing awesome at the box office (on track to cross $100 million), and I think that's more than the studio behind this small January release ever expected.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Liam Neeson is intense and makes you feel his urgency from the beginning to the end. Maggie Grace does a great job of portraying that youthful high school energy, and I probably shouldn't be impressed by this, but she's a very good screamer.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: There are a lot of artful shots, but I'm a firm believer that action needs to be shown in wider shots so you can follow what's going on.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Action packed and intense because the stakes are high and the clock is ticking, but this movie could have gotten that elusive green light from me, if only Neeson had been put into a few more impossible-to-get-out-of situations. As it is now, you feel like he's always two steps ahead of everyone, and no one could possibly stop him.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/taken/28725/trailers

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Confessions of a Shopaholic

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A young woman obsessed with shopping (Isla Fisher), finds herself unemployed and in credit card debt up to her ears, so she gets a new job working for a magazine that gives advice on saving, and we all hope she will learn something from her own writings.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Isla Fisher, Hugh Dancy, Krysten Ritter, Leslie Bibb, Kristen Scott Thomas, Joan Cusack, John Goodman, John Lithgow, Wendie Malick, Fred Armisen, Julie Hagerty, Robert Stanton

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. More romantic than you'd expect a movie about credit card debt to be, but unless you can relate to spending more than twice what you make every month on designer labels that would make you a good candidate for a New York City mugging, before they work their way to the back of your closet, only to be forgotten forever (or at least until you get the credit card bill), I'm not sure what's so fun about this story.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Not enough to attract any male viewers, or any women over seventeen.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It's sad what happens to her, but it's sadder that we live in a society where anyone thinks that a $4000 purse is going to make them a happier or even more popular person. Frugal tip from me to you: Once you take the item out of the beautiful store in which it poses so luxuriously, wearing only an exorbitant price tag, no one is going to know where you bought it, or how much you paid... So you may as well be wearing a hand-me-down.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Not even the most childish and immature of awards organizations is going to remember this story long enough to think of giving it a nomination.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: I'm glad that all the more famous actresses turned this role down, so that we could get a chance to see how spunky Isla Fisher (of Wedding Crashers) can be in a starring role. She is sweet and delightful... but unfortunately for her, a poor man's Amy Adams. Which is kind of ironic considering the character's ring tone is "If I were a rich girl," by Gwen Stefani.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: P.J. Hogan is an expert at keeping things upbeat and fun, even when the plot is thin and predictable. He creates a bouncy and colorful vibe with the soundtrack, the cuts, and of course, the colors.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I didn't read the book, but I can't help but wonder if there was something more suspenseful in the writing of it than what was translated to film. Aside from a clever moment (that I won't spoil), where the main character does something smart that comes back to haunt her later, there's not a lot here that doesn't feel like it could only happen in a movie.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/confessions-of-a-shopaholic/33070/trailers

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The International

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: An Interpol agent (Clive Owen) and a New York attorney (Naomi Watts) try to expose a corrupt international bank that is selling arms to Third World countries, laundering money, and covertly killing anyone who gets close to uncovering their scheme.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Ulrich Thomsen, Brian F. O'Byrne, Michel Voletti, Patrick Baladi, Felix Solis, Jack McGee, Alessandro Fabrizi, Luca Giorgio Barbareschi, James Rebhorn

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. The question that becomes unavoidable by about the fifteenth minute of this movie, as everyone around our two leads gets killed for knowing too much, is why hasn't anyone tried to kill our two leads yet? The real answer: because they're the leads of the movie... If you can get past that elephant in the room, and you like political thrillers that force you to pay close attention, lest you miss a reference to a person or minute detail that may later come to matter, it's a well done film.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If you're committed to understanding this complicated plot, you'll be too busy putting the pieces together and trying to remember who's who amongst the many international characters that pass through this story before getting assassinated, you won't be relaxed enough to laugh.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: This film will have you so deep into the recesses of your brain, that your mind will become completely separate from your body, thus hindering the free passage of any emotions or feeling to your being. Scientifically speaking.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The action sequence in the Guggenheim Museum is likely to go down in action scene history. If it doesn't get nominated for an MTV Movie Award (which it probably won't because the rest of the movie is too heady for MTV audiences), it will at least be the most talked about part of the film as the years go by, and people forget everything else about it.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Audience, meet Clive Owen's intense side. In this film he unleashes his menacing stare on his fans, by unleashing it on his enemies... and his allies... and an empty lot... and a wall... and anything that moves... or stands still.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: There are some beautiful scenery shots of Italy, Istanbul, and France, which I'd like to give credit to not only the Director, but also the Production Designer and the Cinematographer for bringing to their full vibrancy. You get to feel like you're traveling the world for the low price of a movie ticket. The warmth of these beautiful places is well contrasted with the coolness that is used to depict the harsh, modern, interiors of the evil, but luxurious, banking establishment... And Germany.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Not emotionally involving, but on some levels intellectually satisfying, and containing a few interesting turns of phrase, including clever life lessons and philosophies. The ending is more of a downer than I would have liked, especially during a time of financial hopelessness, like the one we're in. My prediction is that this movie would have a more successful box office if they had gone a more uplifting way at the very last moment, which they could've easily done without compromising their point more than a tiny little bit.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: For reasons that I can't quite put my finger on, this 2 hour movie feels like 3. Maybe because every time you think you're getting to the big finale, a whole new plot twist begins to unfold.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-international/29837/trailers

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Coraline

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: An animated girl, named Coraline, discovers a secret passageway in her new house that leads to an evil woman, posing as a better version of her mom, in a better version of her life. But when Coraline gets wise to her Other Mom's evil ways, the Other Mom won't let her leave.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, Jennifer Saunders, Dawn French, Keith David, John Hodgeman, Robert Bailey Jr., Ian McShane

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. The colors, animation, and 3D effects are spectacular, but who is the audience for this movie? It's not clever enough for adults, it's too dark for little girls, and it's got too much of a female protagonist for little boys.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If you find giant, naked, old lady boobies funny, then sure. I think they can be funny, too... But not in a kids' movie. And by the way, when I say "giant," I guarantee that what you're picturing in your mind right now is only half the size of what they actually drew. And wearing nothing but pasties. I couldn't be more serious.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but the imitation Enya music will put you in a trance and make you very, very sleepy.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Least attractive animated humans ever drawn. Come on, they're animated, there's no excuse for them not to be cute!

Q: How is the Acting?

A: I'm a huge Dakota Fanning fan, but the animators didn't do this character any favors with the facial expressions they created. Coraline is not particularly likeable, she's not nearly as cute as Dakota Fanning, and Dakota is much better at using her eyes to look sweet and innocent when she's saying something bratty-- that's how she gets away with all the bratty things she says in live action movies. Teri Hatcher, as the Other Mom, has the opposite effect. Thanks to the animation, her textured vocal tones are, for once, matched by an expressive physicality. What I'm saying is, her performance had a complete lack of Botox!... I actually thought she was fantastic in this.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Aside from the slow pace at the beginning, the directing is quite obviously the star of this film. The animation is vivacious, and with 3D glasses, it even comes right into your seat.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It seems to have been made into a movie about one draft too soon. The beats of a story are there, but it's devoid of those clever, "Why didn't I think of that?" moments. Once we know what the story is going to be, everything is laid out too easily for the protagonist to succeed.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/coraline/26304/trailers

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He's Just Not That Into You

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Dating sucks, and the long term relationships that it leads to are even worse.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Ginnifer Goodwin, Justin Long, Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson, Kevin Connolly, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Connelly, Busy Philipps, Drew Barrymore, Sasha Alexander, Brooke Bloom, Hedy Burress, Wilson Cruz, Kris Kristofferson

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. This movie is cute in exactly the way you'd expect it to be, but it's not particularly romantic. Probably because it attempts to uncover the realities of dating, rather than rehash the usual romantic movie fantasies that we all know and love, which ultimately, are the culprits in creating our misguided dreams of fairy-tale romance. You know, the ones that lead us to being constantly disappointed in real life.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It's got enough laughs to not be a disgrace to its genre, like some of the movies that call themselves romantic-"Comedies."

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It could be a bit of an embarrassment to its genre, after all. It is supposed to be a "Romantic"-comedy.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Best Film based on a book that's based on an episode of a TV show. The competition was nobody.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Of the entire ensemble, nobody really stands out or stretches outside of their comfort zone. But Ginnifer Goodwin, the least famous of the bunch, is actually the star of the film both in screen time and in her ability to be complex, quirky, and interesting.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Interchangeable, inoffensive and unremarkable. The simple shots and standard coverage will play very well on the small screen. Which is a very good thing, since this film will likely do most of its business on DVD.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Ensemble movies are tough, but the writers do succeed at keeping all the stories compelling and interconnected-- in some cases a little too conveniently. The tone is consistently light-hearted, even when certain people's words (the men's) are harsh. And even some of the saddest moments get laughs. But when you're trying to expose the realities of dating, happy endings are both hard to come by and hard to buy.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: If they were going to have an all white cast, why did they place the movie in Baltimore, Maryland, which is 80% Black? They really could have told this story anywhere... Or cast a few Black people. Take your pick.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/hes-just-not-that-into-you/29704/trailers

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Two Lovers

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: After a broken-off engagement, a suicidal man (Joaquin Phoenix) suddenly finds himself choosing between two beautiful women (Gwyneth Paltrow and Vinessa Shaw).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow, Vinessa Shaw, Moni Moshonov, Isabella Rossellini, Elias Koteas, Jay O. Sanders, Bob Ari, Julie Budd

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Despite the high profile cast, this plays like another depressing indy movie that some people will call a beautiful portrait of love and its effect on the human condition, and which I will call a downer that was hardly worth the zero dollars I paid to see it.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The scene that introduces Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty funny. But that's about it.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: While the experience of unrequited love will always summon tears in real life, this film doesn't transmit the experience beyond the actors' own sense memory exercises.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It was nominated for a Golden Palm at Cannes, which some of my friends who saw The Class (the winner of the Golden Palm), will tell you doesn't mean squat! Not my words, theirs... They know who they are.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Joaquin Phoenix gives the type of performance that often gets lauded. Personally, I found him to be totally creepy. Gwyneth Paltrow, on the other hand, who I haven't been much of a fan of in the past, gives a vibrant performance that jumps off the screen. Apparently, the role was written with her in mind. Meanwhile, Vinessa Shaw gives a performance that explains why she's been in a fair amount of high profile movies for the past ten years, and people are still asking "Who's this Vinessa Shaw person?" In other words, she'd be awesome as the lead in a procedural TV series.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: James Gray clearly makes an effort to step away from the standard angles and coverage for this imitation art film, and for that I give him credit. I know that sounded like half an insult, but it's just hard to give the director of We Own the Night the same "indy film" pass that I might give to a first time director who has no money, no stars, and no resources.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It introduces some interesting characters and an interesting dynamic between them, but I'm not sure what enjoyment or insight the writer was hoping to give the audience with this story, besides that some forms of entertainment just aren't very uplifting.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/search/two%20lovers/trailers

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Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A fat, pathetic loser (Kevin James) falls for a girl who's way out of his league, and despite her rejection, puts his life on the line to save her from a robbery in which she is taken hostage. Do girls ever really fall for that old trick?

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Kevin James, Jayma Mays, Keir O'Donnell, Raini Rodriguez, Shirley Knight, Stephen Rannazzisi, Peter Gerety, Bobby Cannavale, Adam Ferrara, Allen Covert, Jamal Mixon, Adhir Kalyan, Erick Avari

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. If you're the kind of person who laughs at absolutely anything, this movie is for you. If you have standards of any kind, skip it. And separately, if that giant tub of man hadn't done 9 years on TV as the King of Queens, that girl wouldn't give him the time of day, even if he did save her life. She'd say thank you, and ask if they could be friends... Just in case she happened upon an unattractive lonely woman to set him up with.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If you find an hour and a half of a guy riding around on a Segway funny, all I can say is... Your mother must be very proud.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: I will say this, it is very depressing.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Yes, First Mall Cop Movie to Come Out this Year. (Seth Rogen has one coming soon called Observe and Report, which will undoubtedly be compared to this. Without having seen it, I can guarantee that the Seth Rogen one is better.)

Q: How is the Acting?

A: The ninja gymnastics was the best thing the acting had going for it. I don't know who decided that ninja skateboarders, bmx riders, and half-pipe-riding roller skaters would make for a compelling band of robbers, but if you overlook the ridiculousness of it all, you will notice that their stunts are still more interesting than the parts of the acting that involve words.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: In the scene in the Rainforest Cafe, where Blart takes down the grand majority of the bad guys, you have no idea how he got them. Why? Because the director doesn't show us those parts. Why doesn't he? My guess is because they had run out of ideas by that point in the script. After all, it's not so easy to convince an audience that an out of shape Mall Cop could take on 6 athletic ninja villains, who are all coming at him at once, and win.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: While it couldn't be more lowbrow if it had been a straight to DVD movie, it did have a few clever moments in which Paul Blart had to "outsmart" (in quotes) the robbers, in order to take them down. Considering how much money it's made, you probably have a friend who's already seen it, so maybe you can just get the Cliff's Notes from him.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: They somehow forgot to mention in the promos that this was a Christmas movie. Maybe because there's no more relevant time to put out a Christmas movie than 2 weeks after Christmas is over. God I hate January movies.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/paul-blart-mall-cop/31338/trailers

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