War Horse

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  A boy and his horse are separated during World War I, and we follow the horse's journey through the war.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Jeremy Irvine, Peter Mullan, Emily Watson, Niels Arestrup, David Thewlis, Tom Hiddleston, Bnedict Cumberbatch, Celine Buckens, Toby Kebbell, Patrick Kennedy, Leonard Carow, David Kross, Matt Milne, Robert Emms, Eddie Marsan

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Stop!  I can see the little old church ladies now, watching this movie on TV and then telling their grandchildren, "Oh, wasn't that a nice picture?"  They are the only ones who feel that way.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  I laughed several times at how ridiculously improbable every other beat in the movie was-- starting with the way the boy acquires the horse.  Any decent screenwriter knows that you can't have more than one coincidence in a script.  This movie is built around them.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  Horse lovers might, but I'd like to prevent that by reminding them that horses don't really think like humans do.  That's just a movie device.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  I think it's time to give Spielberg the Lifetime Achievement Award, because based on the movies I've seen in the last two nights, he has clearly passed his peak.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  People regularly have giant reactions to absolutely nothing; reactions that last longer than the final shot in a soap opera scene.  How do I know this style is outdated?  All of the soap operas just got cancelled.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  It's 2 1/2 hours of melodramatic acting with melodramatic music, shot in exteriors that are lit like they are on a sound stage from the 1950s.  Need I say more?

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  There is one good scene in the entire movie, and I'd seen that one done before too. 

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: War Horse Trailer

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The Adventures of Tintin

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  Based on a combination of stories from the Belgian comic books, a young journalist named Tintin buys a model ship from a flea market, and suddenly people are trying to kill him and steal the ship, which leads him on a journalistic adventure to find out what is so special about this little ship.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Toby Jones, Cary Elwes, Daniel Mays, Mackenzie Crook, Gad Elmaleh, Tony Curran, Kim Stengal, Enn Reitel, Joe Starr

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution. I spent most of the movie wondering who the target audience was supposed to be.  If it's supposed to be for grown-ups, then making it live-action would've made the action-adventure parts more exciting.  And if it's supposed to be for little boys, then why is one of the main characters a drunk?

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  For once I can say, I preferred the book.  I remember reading these as a kid, and I remember them being funny-- especially those twin cops Thomson and Thompson. Even with one of my favorite comedy teams (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) in the roles, this is not.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  I felt like crying for poor little Tintin because the way they animated it, he looks about 14, so when he gets lost at sea and then lands in a foreign country without his mommy and daddy, I worry.  Turns out-- and I had to have this explained to me-- that he's in his low twenties.  I'm not a fan of the look they chose for him.  He doesn't look old enough to be a journalist, and more importantly, he doesn't look like Tintin.  It's animated!  You could've made him look exactly like he does in the books.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  The Award for 2011 goes to Belgium!  Between this and The Smurfs, Belgium is really positioning itself this year to look like more than just the European Canada.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Once again, my favorite actor is the dog.  But in comparison to the live-action dog in The Artist, who I've heard has people campaigning for his eligibility in the Best Supporting Actor category, this dog is nothing more than a drawing.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  The choice to do this animated originally made sense to me, because the comic book lends itself to animation.  But the choice to do the animation using motion capture, so that the characters end up looking  semi-human, without  looking anything like their drawn counter-parts mind-boggles me.  Now that I've seen it, I think they should've gone with live-action  -- which was Spielberg's first instinct, once again proving the point that you should always listen to your gut.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  Tintin is such a goody-two-shoes, that his character is boring, and never gives you any sense that he might mess up, or not figure something out.  In other words, there's no suspense. 

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A:  Spielberg isn't the only master of his craft to deliver less than stellar results here, composer John Williams also creates a score that is beneath him.  The music itself is fun and light, and would probably make good listening if you were sitting around in your library smoking your pipe, but put up against this movie, it just feels wrong.  In the opening credits for example, twice as much action is in the music than in the images on the screen.  And in the rest, it would've served the movie to have music creating a greater sense of suspense in the parts when the story did not.  It's cheating, but it's exactly what makes renowned composers like John Williams so great at their jobs.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Adventures of Tintin Trailer

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The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  Based on the book of the same name, this remake of the movie of the same name that came out two years ago, retells the Swedish story of a defamed journalist and his assistant (Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara) who try to solve the mystery of a teenage millionaire's untimely death in the 1960s-- only this time, it's American-style!

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgard, Steven Berkoff, Robin Wright, Yorick van Wageningen, Joely Richardson, Geraldine James, Goran Visnjic, Donald Sumpter, Ulf Friberg

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Go!  I was lucky enough to have missed the first version of this movie as well as the book, so I got to enjoy this clever thriller as if for the first time, because it was my first time.  

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  Bizarrely, yes, about three times.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  It's pretty cold, but there is one part that will break your heart.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  Clearly David Fincher and Trent Reznor are trying for a two-peat, and I think they have a chance.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  It was a big deal when they cast Rooney Mara (best known as the girl who dumps Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network creating the impetus for him to start The Facebook) in the part of Lisbeth Salander.  Well, she lives up to the hype.  Then again, I never saw Noomi Rapace in the part, so for all I know she's just imitating the original performance.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  There's a reason David Fincher is considered the David Fincher of movie directing.  He brings movement and artistry to scenes that would be stagnant in a lesser director's hands.  With him, you can see where the script stops and the vision begins.  And yet he does it all without drawing attention to his own work-- which may be what I respect most about his style.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  A good story is a good story in any language.  The people who read the book thought so.  The people who saw the Swedish movie thought so.  And the people who see this version will think so, too.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A:  I'm assuming there will be two more parts, as with the Swedish version, but I'm still waiting to find out the significance of the Dragon Tattoo.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Trailer

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Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  Based on a book by John Le Carre, this story chronicles the uncovering of whether or not there is a double agent at the highest levels of British Intelligence who is working for the Russians.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Toby Jones, Ciaran Hinds, John Hurt, Mark Strong, Benedict Cumberbatch, David Dencik, Stephen Graham, Kathy Burke, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Peter Kalloy Molnar, Konstantin Kahabenskiy

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  Bring your intellect, your patience, and try to have read the book 5 or 6 times already if you plan on understanding anything that goes on in this spy thriller.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Yes, but mostly at your own thoughts about how confused you are.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  Yes, because the above noted thoughts of confusion will probably lead you directly to thoughts about how dumb you must be.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  This definitely gets the award for Fastest Movie to Put Me Out.  I was snoozing before the opening credits came on, and leading up to this point, I had not had a very hard day.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: All of these top notch actors have very little to do that's challenging.  Sure one or two of them cries here and there, but mostly they all just stand around looking like tough-guys who can keep a secret or two.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  It's a beautifully shot movie, but as it goes back and forth between the past (1950s) and the present (1970s), it's not always clear which one we're in.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  Mostly incomprehensible.  Assuming that the book makes enough sense to have become a best-seller, which in turn would have attracted a film company who wants to capitalize on that by making it into a movie, I would venture to say that the screenwriter didn't dumb it down enough.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A:  I just realized that reading the Wikipedia page is a great help in understanding this story.  They explain all the "inside lingo" that you're supposed to understand without ever having it explained to you.  Perhaps  read that before you go see this. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy Wikipedia Page

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Trailer

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J. Edgar

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: The history of J. Edgar Hoover (Leonardo DiCaprio) forming the FBI.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Naomi Watts, Judy Dench, Josh Lucas, Ed Westwick, Josh Hamilton, Jessica Hecht, Denis O'hare, Stephen Root, Damon Herriman

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Stop!  Technically this movie is stunning, but it has no hook, no stakes, and nothing that pulls you through it besides your deep-seeded love of J. Edgar Hoover-- a man who pretty much nobody loved.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  The guy behind me laughed awkwardly when Leonardo said, "I love you."  You never want that. He was right.  It was funny.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  It's sad that my favorite part of the movie was when they said J. Edgar was dead, because I figured the movie would be over soon.  It's sadder that the movie still went on for another 10 minutes after that.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  I usually don't like for awful movies to get any awards, but in this case it really deserves several, in particular for Cinematography, Make-up, and Leo's performance.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  From the first off-screen line, Leo blows your mind with his talent.  And because I like to say it first, I'm predicting him for the win, despite the terribleness of the movie and that false and hoaky moment when he says, "I love you." Armie Hammer will probably get nominated, too-- because he deserves it-- but he's not a sure thing for the win.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  The visuals are superb across the board, but why this boring piece of... history had to be 2 hours and 17 minutes, I'll never know.  Then again, in history's defense, I'm sure this story was much more interesting than this movie makes it seem.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  If you haven't figured it out by now, I thought the script gave me a lot of time to think about all things I need to get done for the shoot I have tomorrow.  So that was good.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: J. Edgar Trailer

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Son of No One

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  Told between flashbacks to 1986 and present day 2002, a boy, who is now a cop (Channing Tatum) must deal with the on-going repercussions of having accidentally murdered 2 people in the tenement he grew up in.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Channing Tatum, Jake Cherry, Al Pacino, James Ransone, Brian Gilbert, Ray Liotta, Katie Holmes, Tracy Morgan, Juliette Binoche, Lemon Anderson, Ursula Parker, Simone Jones, Peter Tambakis, Karen Christie-Ward, Decorte Snipes, Marilyn dobrin, Johnnie Mae, Roger Guenveur Smith, Michael Rivera

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Stop!  Either everyone in my audience was an idiot or the film didn't make any sense.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The funniest part to me were the multiple conversations in the bathroom afterwards as people tried to figure out what they just saw.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  Sure, maybe if you use the time to think about something sad.  Like a clown.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  Ursula Parker, a young blonde child, who looks like a cross between a young Elle and Dakota Fanning, will likely win All the Roles the Fanning Girls have Grown Too Old to Play.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Tracy Morgan will surprise you in this dramatic role-- mostly in that he can do it at all.  Al Pacino is strong and charismatic, despite the fact that his character motivations in pretty much all of his scenes are both unclear and illogical.  And Katie Holmes will impress you with the fact that she's not totally lame. 

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  Just about the same as in Dito Montiel's previous film, A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  The whole story revolves around the mystique of figuring out who the mystery person is who is writing notes in 2002 about the forgotten murders of 1986, and all you can think is, "Who could possibly care about the 16 year old murder of two insane drug addicts who left no loved ones behind?'  Then at the end you find out, and you still don't care.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Son of No One

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In Time

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  In a world where time is literally money, which when you run out of it you die, Justin Timberlake is given a hundred years by a suicidal man, which he uses to infiltrate the rich neighborhood, before being accused of stealing the time, at which point he kidnaps the richest man's daughter (Amanda Seyfried), and goes on the lam, while giving every hour he can back to the poor people in his ghetto neighborhood.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, Cillian Murphy, Vincent Kartheiser, Olivia Wilde, Alex Pettyfer, Johnny Galecki, Matt Bomer, Collins Pennie, Toby Hemingway, Yaya DeCosta, Brendan Miller, Ethan Peck

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  A really interesting premise gets lost inside of what becomes a never ending chase scene.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  The only joke I remember is Amanda Seyfried accidentally firing off a gun-- haha, somebody got shot.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  A lot of main characters die at the beginning, middle, and end, so-- no.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  When I was at Comic Con, the preview for this movie was By Far the Best Preview I Saw in Hall H... Which makes it that much more disappointing that the film didn't live up to its promise.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Justin Timberlake plays a character called Will Salas, but he might as well have been called Justin Timberlake because you never stop thinking you're watching Justin Timberlake.  Amanda Seyfried is cute and strong as always.  And how is Cillian Murphy not a bigger star by now?... Oh, yeah, because 50% of the roles he picks are cross-dressers.  At least he recognizes that he looks hot as a woman.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  The...  Pace.... In...  Certain... Sections.... Is... Sooooooo...  Slowwww... That...  I... Started... To... Fall... Aslee--zz-zz-zz...

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  The story starts out interesting, as you learn about the whats, hows, and whys of this world, which aims to parallel the division of wealth in our own society between the 1% and the 99%.  Then Justin Timberlake is given a whole lot of time, which he wants to use to bring down the 1% by giving it back to the 99%.  But when he gets accused of stealing that time, the script goes in a direction that doesn't take advantage of the interesting dynamic that has been set up.  The minute police take all his time, and he goes on the run.  I would've liked to see this premise go in more of a "clever mind game" direction, and less in a "who can run the fastest" direction.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: In Time Trailer

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Martha Marcy May Marlene

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  You can take the girl out of the cult, but you can't take the cult out of the girl.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Elizabeth Olsen, Sarah Paulson, John Hawkes, Hugh Dancy, Maria Dizzia, Louisa Krause, Brady Corbet, Julia Garner, Christopher Abbott

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  Interesting subject matter.  Interesting character study. I have no idea what I was supposed to think happened at the end.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  It was developed at the Sundance Institute, so I'll give you one guess, and the answer isn't "yes."

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  It's more likely to cause the deep pondering of questions like: "Why do people fall for cults?"  "How do they find them?" And, "How are they so easily brainwashed?"... I guess my parents were too loving for me to ever understand the answers to questions like these.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  Director Sean Durkin won his category at Sundance, and it was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize, but lost out to the previous movie I saw, Like Crazy.  Still, even the nomination looks a little bit like self-nepotism.  If you develop a movie, is it really fair to nominate yourself for a prize?

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Elizabeth Olsen gives a star making performance, but I knew that before I even saw the movie because of all the press and hype that's been surrounding her since last January.  What I didn't know is that she would be so interesting, that I would find myself struggling with how exactly she's related to her sisters Mary-Kate and Ashley.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  Despite Sundance nominating itself for prizes, Sean Durkin actually does deserve recognition.  He seamlessly shifts between the past at the cult and the present at a Lake House, using color schemes and clever editing that has your brain working just the right amount throughout, as you try to keep up with where each scene is taking place.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  Mostly, I just wish I understood what I was supposed to take from it.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Martha Marcy May Marlene Trailer

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The Skin I Live In

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A plastic surgeon (Antonio Banderas) holds a beautiful woman captive in his house, and by the end of the film, we will know why-- Duhn-duhn-duhn!

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Antonio Banderas, Elena Anaya, Marisa Paredes, Jan Cornet, Bianca Suarez, Barbara Lennie, Roberto Alamo, Susi Sanchez, Eduard Fernandez, Jose Luis Gomez, Fernando Cayo

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:Proceed with Caution. This one is for the hardest of hard core Almadovar fans only. Right when you thought he couldn't get any crazier, he completely loses his mind.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If you have very dark and demented sensibilities.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: I feel like crying when I look at Elena Anaya flawless skin, and remember that all youthful skin ever gave me was pimples.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: While we're on the topic of Elena Anaya, let's just give this film the ever-coveted award of Miss Universe. I can't imagine any contestant in the world pretty enough to beat her.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Speaking of beauty, Antonio Banderas at age 51 hasn't lost an ounce of it. Also, it's nice to see him still getting a chance to do a serious role once in a while, since he can really only be taken seriously in Spanish. And after Puss in Boots comes out, our ability to not laugh when he speaks English will only get worse.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Almadovar stays true to his personal style, which combines simplicity with total oddness.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It's based on book, and you can't help but wonder if the book pulls off this bizarre non-linear tale of a convoluted insane family any more logically or believably than its surreal film counterpart does.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Balloons and Steamers! This is our 500th review!!!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Skin I Live In Trailer

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Machine Gun Preacher

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: The true story of Sam Childers (Gerard Butler), a heroine addict-ex-con who finds God, decides to build an orphanage in Sudan, and becomes a key player in the civil war going on over there.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Gerard Butler, Michelle Monaghan, Michael Shannon, Ryan Campos, Madeline Carroll, Kathy Baker, Souleymane Sy Savane

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Despite the action and the guns, this is a message movie about the unsolvable troubles in Africa.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The title is the funniest part. Once you get past that it's pretty much all drugs, violence, killing, maiming, and Jesus.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: The situation is really sad.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Movies set in Africa only ever come out at one time of year, and that's Awards Season. As far as their chances at Oscar, they're the second most popular winners after movies about the Holocaust.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: I just have one question: do people in Pennsylvania have southern accents?

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Marc Forster, who is generally known for leaving all emotional moments on the cutting room floor, has his first emotional story with this one. Someone else might have made you cry-- especially considering all the children who lose their parents before their eyes-- but I'm proud of the guy for even showing a little bit of heart.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It starts a little before the beginning and therefore goes on too long. And it's not the screenwriter's fault that the true story is still completely unresolved, but it doesn't make for a Hollywood ending.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: The look of the film is hyper-grainy and sometimes out of focus, but I'm not sure if that's because of the cinematography or the theater I saw it projected in.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Machine Gun Preacher Trailer

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Drive

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A driver for stunts, robberies, and racing (Ryan Gosling) meets a girl he likes (Carey Mulligan), but her husband (Oscar Issac) gets him into trouble with the mob.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks, Oscar Isaac, Ron Perlman, Christina Hendricks, Kaden Leos

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution.Personally, I hated this movie despite its handful of interesting moments and artistic choices. I struggled to stay awake for the first half--a romantic drama-- and then struggled to justify how the tone of the second half--a gory, B-movie-style, mob thriller-- had anything to do with the first half. But I'm still going to recommend it to anyone who enjoyed No Country for Old Men, because clearly you people find characters who can kill in cold blood without thinking twice charming.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Mostly at the positive buzz it's been getting.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Mostly at the positive buzz it's been getting.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Probably. Which will be followed closely by me swearing at my TV.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Ryan Gosling is an extremely interesting and complex actor, even in the role of an empty vessel who hardly says anything and has no definable character traits besides the fact that he is a great driver, and has virtually no friends, family or confidants of any kind in his life. Without his performance, which brings just enough texture to confuse you into thinking that there might be something to this guy, this movie would be nothing more than B-level thriller looking for foreign DVD distribution at the AFM. (Definition AFM: American Film Market-- notorious place for selling action-thrillers with big stars to foreign markets because American companies weren't stupid enough to pick them up for distribution.)

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Bordering on pretentious, Nicolas Winding Refn, who is currently the hottest thing going in Hollywood, forces you at every turn to notice his directing work, with his constant use of reflections, shadows, and extreme angles. In fact, you will be thinking more about his work than about the story-- which may be a good thing for the story.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Never before has a screenwriter set us up so perfectly for a prequel. Hossein Amini gives us so little about the main character's backstory that you leave the film wondering where he came from, how he was raised, and basically what in his life makes him someone who can kill another human being so effortlessly and accurately on the drop of a dime. There are enough questions about who this talented murderer with a heart of gold is to fill an entire movie setting this one up. And the lack of dialogue, which is obviously supposed to be artistic, is completely unrealistic-- especially when it comes to the woman character.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: The blood looks like Karo syrup with red food coloring #3 in it. The kind used in amateur horror movies. Not the kind used in Ryan Gosling/Carey Mulligan films. Just embarrassing.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Drive Trailer

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The Hangover Part II

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Another night that no one can remember, ends in Stu (Ed Helms) getting a face deformation, Phil (Bradley Cooper) getting an arm injury, and Alan (Zach Galifianikis) getting a baby-- only this time his baby is a monkey.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianikis, Ken Jeong, Mason Lee, Justin Bartha, Jamie Chung, Paul Giamatti, Sasha Barrese, Jeffrey Tambor, Mike Tyson, Gillian Vigman, Aroon Seeboonruang, Yasmin Lee

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! If you want to see another Hangover, you'll get what you came for. But, since you've seen one before, everything that was fresh and original about the first one is gone, and even the surprises won't be that surprising.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: As with the last one, the hardest laughs are in the slideshow at the end... And also, the monkey does have a banana on his hat.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: That depends on how you feel about chicks with dicks. Hey, you were warned by the fact that this takes place in Bangkok.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: This gets the prize for Consistency. Whatever they did last time, they found a new way to do it all again.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Sometimes, when I stare into Bradley Cooper's steel blue eyes, or I catch a glimpse of his red-lipped, toothy smile, I can't help but wonder... why has he never played a vampire? Separately, I'd like to note that from now on, when someone tries to insult what I'm doing by telling me, "A monkey could do it," I'm going to assume they're talking about the monkey in this movie, and be flattered.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The first half is really slow and predictable. It even gave me time to wonder who could possibly be the one to get married in The Hangover Part III. I don't think Bradley Cooper can, because he's such a dick that his only redeeming quality is his marital status. Ed Helms is already on his second-- although they gave him a lot of good reasons to get dumped in the plot of this one. And Zach Galifianakis is pretty much undateable.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: They take everything so far in this one that you almost feel like you can't come back from it. And actually, their attempt to do so is passable at best.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Hangover Part II Trailer

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Fast Five

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: First of all, can you believe I saw this?! Got passes to a free screening and thought the poster looked cool, so I went to the 5th installment of The Fast and the Furious franchise, of which I've seen NONE of the the first four. So here's what I think it's about... There's this bad guy, and he befriended an undercover cop, but now the cop loves him, because he's dating the bad guy's sister, so he decides to break the bad guy out of jail, and now he's a bad guy, too. But really, they're both good guys.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Lucacris" Bridges, Matt Schulze, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, Tego Calderon, Don Omar, Joaquim de Almeida, Dwayne Johnson, Elsa Pataky, Michael Irby

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! It's loud! And crazy! And I think the heroes died about once every five minutes if this weren't a movie. But it really is adrenaline pumping, and anyone who takes it as pure fantasy, existing merely for the purpose of outlandish action, is gonna love it.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Yes. At the acting. I haven't seen the first four, so I'm assuming this is meant to be a spoof.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: They destroy at least $10 million worth of cars, so somebody should be crying. Like all those people who just lost their jobs and got their cars repoed recently. Look out for yours, it's probably in there getting smashed to bits.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I don't see how anyone could ever beat this in a vehicular stunt contest. I also think the guy who has to clean up the mess these guys leave in their wake should get an award.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Vin Diesel makes the Rock look like an Oscar contender. And Paul Walker is so bland, that most actors would have to be lobotomized to do what he does. But at least the girls are bad-ass.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Sometimes when I watch all the different angles Justin Lin had to get to cover the action scenes and explosions, I think he must have a lot of patience. But don't cast The Rock and Vin Diesel in the same fight scene. In fast motion, it's impossible to tell their bald heads apart!

Q: How is the story/script?

A: As a screenwriter myself, all I can say is, "How do they come up with this stuff?!" Oh, yeah, it's like this.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Fast Five Trailer

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The Green Hornet

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A spoiled rich kid (Seth Rogen) who's mad at his dead dad (Tom Wilkinson) teams up with his dad's newly unemployed barrista/mechanic (Jay Chou) to fight crime in Los Angeles.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Cameron Diaz, Christoph Waltz, Tom Wilkinson, David Harbour, Edward James Olmos, Jamie Harris, Chad Coleman, Edward Furlong

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. There is something very exciting about this movie... But it might just be the car.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The humor is very dark and a little weird. I liked it... But I might have just been excited about that car.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Seth Rogen loses his mother, then his father... But I mostly felt bad about what happened to the car.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Better Car than the Batmobile. Yeah, I said it, Batmaniacs, bring it on!

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Jay Chou is not John Cho with a Chinese accent. Although, he's equally as funny, in a much more Taiwanese way.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Michel Gondry plays down his abilities for the first time ever, simply telling the story without drawing excessive attention to his own superb directing skillz. He only showboats in two scenes. The first one is the opening party scene which feels forced and out of place next to the style of the rest of the film. The second showboating scene, though, where all of L.A.'s criminals spread the word about a million dollar bounty, leads your eye in so many interesting directions that you want to watch it more than once just to figure out how he did it.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Seth Rogen co-wrote the script, so I'm surprised he didn't make his own character a little more likeable. It's probably the one thing that could've really taken this movie from slightly off-putting and vaguely disturbing to just plain great.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Green Hornet Trailer

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True Grit

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A 14-year-old girl (Hailee Steinfeld) is determined to avenge the murder of her father, so she hires a ruthless Marshall (Jeff Bridges) and they accidentally team up with a cocky Texas Ranger (Matt Damon), on their hunt through the wild west, to find an inconsequential criminal (Josh Brolin).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Jeff Bridges, Hailee Steinfeld, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, Barry Pepper, Dakin Matthews, Jarlath Conroy, Paul Rae, Domhnall Gleeson, Elizabeth Marvel

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Contrary to popular belief, this movie isn't for everyone. It's for people who love Westerns, and/or people who love the Coen Brothers. Note: I said "love," not "like."

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: I'm pretty sure Jeff Bridges said a lot of funny things, but he mumbles so much that without closed captioning, you won't understand any of them.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: The number one problem with this film is that you don't care about anybody. They're all cold hearted jerks, including the kid, so I dare you to find someone to cry for.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The Cinematography is award-worthy. The remainder of the buzz is poppycock.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Hailee Steinfeld is good for a 14-year-old, but completely average for a person of normal-age. Let's not start giving out awards to people just for being young-- that would only aggravate the problem. Jeff Bridges is incomprehensible. And right when you think you've understood just about as little as you can understand, Matt Damon gets his tongue mangled, so that he can't articulate anymore either. Regardless of all that, the actors seem to struggle severely throughout due to the absence of their beloved contractions... Turns out, it's not so easy for even the most professional of them to sound natural when saying things like, "I will do it," when inside they're clearly dying to say, "I'll do it."

Q: How is the Directing?

A: I've never had anything bad to say about the Coens as directors, and I doubt I ever will, but this, their most profitable film ever, has much less of their signature style in it, and aside from the final shot of a woman in black walking away from us, none of the shots in this film stand out as particularly memorable.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Aside from making the lead character a smart-talking 14-year-old girl, the story line seems particularly unoriginal. And the fact that it's a remake makes the whole 14-year-old girl idea not so original either. The dialogue is clever, though, if you're able to understand it.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Sorry for my assessment on this one. Feel free to yell at me in the comments section about all the reasons this movie is brilliant.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: True Grit Trailer

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The Town

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Charlestown, MA has historically cultivated more bank and armored car robbers than any other city in the world, because it's a family trade passed down from one generation to the next. This is the fictional story of one such gang of guys who grew up together, and the fate they face due to having been born into this life.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Ben Affleck, Rebecca Hall, Jon Hamm, Jeremy Renner, Blake Lively, Slaine, Owen Burke, Titus Welliver, Pete Postlethwaite, Chris Cooper

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! Like an Irish mob movie, every time you try to get out, they pull you back in.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Somehow they managed to slip in two belly laughs. That's more than most romantic-"comedies" seem to muster.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but it certainly does get morbid at times. Like when one character points out that sunny days remind her of her brother's death. I'd hate to think what rainy days remind her of.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I wouldn't mind seeing either Blake Lively or Jeremy Renner get a Supporting nod. And while we're on the topic, I'd like to complain about a preview for a new Clint Eastwood film that played before this, which proclaimed that it starred, "Academy Award Winner, Matt Damon." I know we all think Matt Damon is a good actor, but he won for writing, not acting. And he shares that award with Ben Affleck, so I guess I just saw a movie starring Academy Award Winner, Ben Affleck. What I'm trying to say is that this is a gateway advertising campaign, and if we don't use some restraint now, it won't be long before we're seeing movie advertised as starring Academy Award winners Eminem and Mafia 360.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Blake Lively and Jeremy Renner should get married and have lots of great actor babies to populate the future movies of America. Separately, by making himself the lead in this movie, Ben Affleck pointedly neglects the main reason we're all so complimentary of his directing career-- it's because we've been hinting and hoping that he'd be so busy behind the camera, he wouldn't have any time to get in front of it.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Ben, we love your directing!

Q: How is the story/script?

A: For a bunch of dumb idiots, these robbers really come up with some clever ideas about how to rip everybody off and get away. Thanks writers!... But I still have no idea why they took the girl hostage after the first robbery.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-town/38942/video/the-town-trailer-no-1/605531563001

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The Other Guys

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A couple of buddy cops who hate each other (Will Ferrell & Mark Wahlberg) try to prove that they are not the two most incompetent police officers who ever lived.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Will Ferrel, Mark Wahlberg, Michael Keaton, Eva Mendez, Steve Coogan, Rob Riggle, Damon Wayans, Jr., Dwayne Johnson, Samuel L. Jackson, Ray Stevenson, Bobby Cannavale, Andy Buckley, Lindsay Sloane, Natalie Zea, Anne Heche, Michael Delaney

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! As far as Will Ferrell movies go, this one actually has a story. And yes, I admit that my expectations for his movies are so low that I may be being more lenient than I normally am.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Prepare for usual stupid, wacky Will Ferrel comedy stylings, which often make no logical sense, and yet seem to catch on like The Macarena.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but when people fall from tall buildings, you actually get to see them hitting the ground... So that's disturbing.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I think it's going to be up for the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences for the mind blowing stats and charts during the credit sequence that point out exactly how badly we were screwed by the banks in the financial collapse. What, you didn't know this was a message movie?

Q: How is the Acting?

A: First of all Mark Wahlberg is hilarious in this. His curmudgeonliness reminded me of Mr. Roper from Three's Company, the way he would smile through intense annoyance, unable to hide his insincerity. And Will Ferrell's jokes are always funnier when they come from a character who is sweet, naive, and innocent, as they do in this film, than when they come from that unlikeble cocky, bastard place, as they do in some of his less well developed films. I am always happy to see him in a character that highlights his strength. Sadly, I didn't think Steve Coogan was exploited to the best of his abilities.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Adam McKay, who directs most of Will Ferrell's movies, succeeded in making it look like a Will Ferrell movie.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I was ecstatic to see that there was one, even if it contained several moments, emotions, and jokes that have no basis in reality.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-other-guys/38655/trailers

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