Zookeeper

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A zookeeper (Kevin James) finds out that the animals can talk, when they try to reunite him with the woman who broke his heart (Leslie Bibb).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Kevin James, Rosario Dawson, Leslie Bibb, Ken Jeong, Donnie Wahlberg, Joe Rogan, Nat Faxon, Steffiana De La Cruz, Nick Turturro, Brandon Keener, and the voices of: Nick Nolte, Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Judd Apatow, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, Maya Rudolph, Bas Rutten, Don Rickles, Jim Breuer

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Here's what happened to me... I tried to take my almost 3 year old niece to see the movie with talking cars, but the Arclight didn't let us in because they were more than 10 minutes into the previews. She was disappointed, so I agreed to take her to the movie with talking animals instead. Turns out that talking animals are really scary to an almost 3 year old-- especially when voiced by the dulcet tones of Nick Nolte, Sylvester Stallone, and Faizon Love. So we left after 20 minutes. Unfortunately for me, the first 20 minutes were really promising, so I went back the next day to see the rest.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: A few times in the first 20 minutes. Less when I found out what the ride I was on was really gonna be like.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It made my niece cry.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Best Beastiality Scene in a PG movie. (Thanks to the beautiful and charming Katrina Begin of Minnesota.)

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Kevin James is great. I know, I really just said that. But the voice cast is a-nnoy-ing! Especially Maya Rudolf as the giraffe. She's lucky she's in Bridesmaids, because otherwise, this could've marked the beginning of a dry spell for her. And why did Judd Apatow suddenly decide he needed to add acting to his resume? Isn't he busy enough?

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Seeing it a second time, I realized that it was the lighting and the score that were scaring my niece almost as much as the deep voiced lions, bears, and gorilla. But I think the fact that I had to explain to her several times that it was supposed to "funny" not "scary" kind of says it all.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Well it has 5 writers, so you know how that goes. But at least they got a T.G.I.Fridays promotion in there, so everyone could get paid and laugh all the way to the bank! Honestly, it's not that bad if you like movies that are completely predictable in every way.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: A Gorilla in T.G.I.Fridays is totally disturbing even if he does speak English and wear a shirt. Speaking of which, whatever happened to "No shoes, no shirt, no service"? Dude isn't even wearing pants!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Zookeeper Trailer

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Eat Pray Love

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Book writer, Elizabeth Gilbert's (Julia Roberts), memoirs about the time when her life and marriage fell apart, and she lost all of her money, but somehow had enough left over to take a year off so she could travel to Italy to eat, to India to get religion, and to Bali to do-- God knows what her plan was there, but luckily she fell in love, so that her book could have a title that comes full circle.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Julia Roberts, James Franco, Viola Davis, Javier Bardem, Billy Crudup, Richard Jenkins, Mike O'Malley, Hadi Subiyanto, Tuva Novotny, Luca Argentero, Giuseppe Gandini, Christine Hakim, Anakia Lapae

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Everything about the book that works works better in the book.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: There's a funny scene where Julia Roberts and her Swedish friend realize that they've eaten so much in Italy, and put on so much weight, that they can no longer zip up their pants. The funniest part about the scene is how skinny they both are.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Boy does this film have a lot of sentimentality in it.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Let me smile in my liver on it and get back to you.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Julia Roberts is still a movie star who lights up the screen without even trying. Javier Bardem and James Franco are duly sexy in their respective love interest roles. But Richard Jenkins, as the unlikely friend who's unlikely to be in an ashram, is totally miscast. For one thing, he doesn't look enough like an all-American Texan good-ol' boy, by which I mean he's not fat. And more importantly, he looks like a Democrat.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: It's hard to go wrong in such colorful places as Italy, India and Bali, so it looks beautiful, but I wish the meditations had been more visually inventive... Although I admit that based on the description in the book which describes the meditations as indescribable, that was a losing battle from the moment the director signed up for this job.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Any adaptation is a challenge because there are things that work on the page which don't translate well to the screen, and this adaptation is no exception to the rule proven by my personal, made-up statistic that an average of 1 out of 18 books succeeds as a movie. This adaptation, along with the other 17 out of 18, fails on several levels. Things that are described in the book come off staged and monolgue-y when they're said out loud as dialogue. Also most of the angst that works as a starting point for Liz Gilbert's inspiring transformation from a depressed mess to a well-balanced woman with an undeniable joie de vivre is invisible on the screen. In the book, being inside her head keeps the audience attuned to her ever changing emotional level. But it would be ridiculous to hear her every thought throughout the movie-- hey, I just got a good idea for a Will Ferrell comedy!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/eat-pray-love/27799/trailers

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The White Ribbon

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Pre-World War I Germany, in a small town made up of self-righteous a-holes, strange accidents start to occur on a regular basis, and nobody knows why or who.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Christian Friedel, Ernst Jacobi, Leonie Benesch, Ulrich Tukur, Ursina Lardi, Burghart Klaussner, Steffi Kuhnert, Josef Bierbichler, Gabriela Maria Schmeide, Rainer Bock, Susanne Lothar

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It’s in black and white. It’s in German. It’s got subtitles. It’s a period piece. And it’s over 2 hours long. But if you enjoy not having a story spoon fed to you as to the why’s, how’s, and what for’s, this dark story could be your favorite film of the year.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If the depraved nature of heartless humans humors you, you will. My audience certainly discovered their dark side.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Especially if you’re Jewish, because it’s hard to look at all those Aryans and listen to the harsh German accents they are not using in jest… Although this movie certainly explains the type of cultural background it would take to lead so many people to think that joining the SS is cool.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It won the Palme D’Or at Cannes. Which says more about the French than it does about this movie.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Even the smallest of children were able to cry on cue.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: About as deliberate as it gets. You get the impression that Michael Haneke gets everything he wants on the set, and there’s nothing accidental anywhere.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Pay very close attention to the narration in the first 2 minutes. Write it down if you have to. It’s the only clue you will get as to what this movie was about, and when the story ends, it will all seem much more relevant.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Regardless of your intellectual prowess, I suggest you bring the smartest person you know. You’re going to need someone to piece it together with you when it’s over, and you won’t know where to start.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-white-ribbon/38469/trailers

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Medicine for Melancholy

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: After waking up from a one night stand, two Black people with nothing in common besides the shade of their skin, spend a day together trying to get closer, despite that fact that the woman has a white boyfriend, who's away on a business trip.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Wyatt Cenac and Tracey Heggins

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! Imagine if Before Sunrise took place in San Francisco, and had hardly any dialogue. Yes, this is a movie about two people talking, that has almost no words.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The woman's emotional arc might. Let me paint you a picture. When she wakes up next to him she seems deeply annoyed, and yet she agrees to go to coffee with him. When he shows up at her house with the wallet she left in the cab, she seems deeply annoyed, and yet she lets him come in for a drink. When he won't leave the house (which she tells him belongs to her boyfriend), she seems deeply annoyed, and yet she agrees to spend the rest of the day with him... Not only that, she starts to smile and laugh at his lame attempts at humor. Then out of nowhere she angrily snaps at him, "This is just a one night stand!" Which is obviously followed immediately by playfully running around San Francisco and taking a ride on a Merry-Go-Round. Although it was never mentioned that she might have a mental disorder, I have to imagine her psychosis is the reason for the "medicine" mentioned in the title.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Yes!... Oh, no, wait. I was just having a bout of dyslexia and I thought the question said, "Will this movie make me cyr?" Hold on a minute, it doesn't make you cyr either.  That's southern for "care."  It's true, ask anyone from the south. (Disclaimer: I've never met or spoken to anyone from the south.)

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It's nominated for 3 Independent Spirit Awards-- which is a dead giveaway that the movie will be esoteric and make you feel very sleepy.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: I find Wyatt Cenac to be a little too understated for my taste, both here and on The Daily Show. But he's also specific enough in that thing he does that his whole acting style could catch on as a hip joint.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Disjointed and non-sequitur are two words that come to mind. I would like to mention the cinematography, too, which was one of the only interesting aspects of the film. They shot in 97% color, so it looks like they shot on colored film and then developed it in black & white. I thought it was a pretty cool effect until I found out (during a Q & A with the director of photography) that this look was only chosen because they couldn't figure out another way to light the Black actors without making their skin look chalky.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It's supposed to be about the growing socio-economic divide occurring in San Francisco as the poor get pushed out due to gentrification. It's not... But there is a random scene where we see a group of concerned citizens, who have nothing to do with the rest of the film, discussing those ever-so-timely Propositions 98 and 99 from last June's California ballot. In case you didn't get the memo, they were about getting rid of Rent Control and they didn't pass.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: The filmmakers clearly know a lot of aspiring Indie Rock musicians, and they put all of their music in the film. So the soundtrack is pretty good if you like that sort of white boy independent stuff. That said, I'm not sure it went well with the characters in this story who are constantly discussing the Black man's place in this city.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFHWGvDRKYw

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