The White Ribbon

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Pre-World War I Germany, in a small town made up of self-righteous a-holes, strange accidents start to occur on a regular basis, and nobody knows why or who.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Christian Friedel, Ernst Jacobi, Leonie Benesch, Ulrich Tukur, Ursina Lardi, Burghart Klaussner, Steffi Kuhnert, Josef Bierbichler, Gabriela Maria Schmeide, Rainer Bock, Susanne Lothar

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It’s in black and white. It’s in German. It’s got subtitles. It’s a period piece. And it’s over 2 hours long. But if you enjoy not having a story spoon fed to you as to the why’s, how’s, and what for’s, this dark story could be your favorite film of the year.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If the depraved nature of heartless humans humors you, you will. My audience certainly discovered their dark side.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Especially if you’re Jewish, because it’s hard to look at all those Aryans and listen to the harsh German accents they are not using in jest… Although this movie certainly explains the type of cultural background it would take to lead so many people to think that joining the SS is cool.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It won the Palme D’Or at Cannes. Which says more about the French than it does about this movie.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Even the smallest of children were able to cry on cue.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: About as deliberate as it gets. You get the impression that Michael Haneke gets everything he wants on the set, and there’s nothing accidental anywhere.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Pay very close attention to the narration in the first 2 minutes. Write it down if you have to. It’s the only clue you will get as to what this movie was about, and when the story ends, it will all seem much more relevant.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Regardless of your intellectual prowess, I suggest you bring the smartest person you know. You’re going to need someone to piece it together with you when it’s over, and you won’t know where to start.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-white-ribbon/38469/trailers

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Boy A

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A young man (Andrew Garfield) gets released from jail after doing time for a murder he (may have) committed as a boy. Now he has to rebuild his life under an assumed identity.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Andrew Garfield, Peter Mullan, Alfie Owen, Taylor Doherty, Katie Lyons, Shaun Evans, James Young, Anthony Lewis, Jeremy Swift

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! If you manage to get past the low-class British dialect which makes the dialogue nearly incomprehensible to the non-Manchester-born viewer, you will be left with a plot that is depressing and not particularly well justified in its unfolding.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Only if you're Satan. And it's not a happy laugh either. It's more of an evil victorious laugh. The kind you let slip when you've just won another soul from the Heavens.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: That would've been a good thing for the filmmaker to aim for... Maybe I'll drop that one in the suggestion box.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It's just slow and boring enough to be called a masterpiece by all those edumacated critics, who go around giving awards for pretension, which they are clearly confusing with art.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Most of the supporting cast was decent. But I never bought that Andrew Garfield was British... And to be perfectly honest, I think I'm still holding a grudge against him for starring in Lions for Lambs.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Dark, Gritty, possibly the least offensive aspect of the movie.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: There are a few good scenes and a few good moments, but the story is a downer with no lessons learned, no inspiration given, and not even a clever plot twist that makes it feel okay when the audience is left with a completely hopeless ending.

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