The Twilight Sage: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  Bella and Edward (Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson-- like you don't know) get married and defy all possibility when she gets pregnant from his demon seed, which threatens to kill her.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Jackson Rathbone, Gil Birmingham, Sarah Clarke, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Chaske Spencer, Kiowa Gordon, Julia Jones, Bronson Pelletier,  Alex Meraz, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chon, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Mia Meastro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mackenzie Foy

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed with Caution.  This movie is very weird, and the only reason you should see it is if you're a Die-hard Twihard, and you're going to see it anyway.  According to this weekend's box-office, that description accounts for a butt-load of you.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  Well it starts with a human marrying a vampire, followed by some teenie-porn, and finally concludes with what I'm pretty sure is a form of pedophilia between a half human-half werewolf and a half vampire-half baby, so yeah, it's just all very, very weird.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A:  "Everybody cries at weddings," one of Bella's cheesier lines, turns out to be kinda true.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  I'll tell you what it won't be up for, Make-up, special effects, screenplay, directing, cinematography... The clothes are pretty good-- mostly at the weddings.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Some of the lines are so bad, that I could actually hear the actors' inner struggle to get them out.  And that's why I have the utmost respect for these actors, especially Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, who have pauses and stares that make you keenly aware that this series could not have worked with anybody else in those roles.  Taylor Lautner still can't act.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  Bill Condon is a great director, but there's no way to know that from watching this film.  Most disappointing for me are the warmer colors used in the cinematography, which are completely inconsistent with the look and tone of the first 3 movies in the series.  Even TV shows manage to look the same from week to week, and they sometimes have over 100 different episodes, using up to 50 different directors.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  It starts with a wedding and then  strains to have anything to talk about for the next two hours, proving why movies are supposed to end with weddings.  There is some very strange and illogical drama around the now-defunct love-triangle-- which no longer makes any sense because Bella has already made a firm decision-- at the wedding.   The author tries her damnedest to find reasons to keep Taylor Lautner involved, but they all ring false.  And then there's some drama about whether or not Bella will survive her pregnancy, which is also kind of spoiled by the fact that the title includes the phrase "Part 1."

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

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The Beaver

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A suicidally depressed man (Mel Gibson) figures out that he can feel instantly strong and powerful again by communicating all of his thoughts and feelings through a beaver hand puppet.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, Anton Yelchin, Jennifer Lawrence, Riley Thomas Stewart, Cherry Jones

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. This film is different. The way a tuna sandwich served on cinnamon raisin bread is different. You think you might like it, but you're pretty sure your friends will think it's just not right.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It's extremely dark comedy, so whether or not you laugh is really gonna depend on how you feel about cinnamon-raisin tuna sandwiches.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It is almost impossible to cry for Mel Gibson, because no matter how bad this movie makes you feel for the guy, it's hard to forget that he's a big jerk who really could use a few lonely hours, days, or years, sitting alone with his own self-hating thoughts.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Biggest Casting Risk. After taking several years off from work, it's hard to believe that Jodie Foster would think a Mel Gibson movie is a good way for her to announce her return to the scene.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Anton Yelchin is pretty amazing... But if I'm being honest, Mel Gibson is also really great. I guess there's no denying that he's good at playing crazy, because he is crazy.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Aside from the opening shot, the directing doesn't have much of a voice.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: This script was on the Black List of best scripts in Hollywood a couple of years ago. Development executives spend their days, night, and weekends reading sequels, prequels, remakes and bad rehashings of every other film ever made, where only the character names and situations have changed. So I can see how they would get excited about a script that in no way resembles any previous commercial success. The question remains, though, whether or not that means this script can ever be a commercial success.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: The Beaver Trailer

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Prom

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: The most uninteresting and unoriginal problems that an ensemble of teens in an imaginary high school might encounter around going to Prom.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Aimee Teegarden, Thomas McDonell, DeVaughn Nixon, Danielle Campbell, Yin Chang, Jared Kusnitz, Nolan Sotillo, Cameron Monaghan, Kylie Bunbury, Joe Adler, Janelle Ortiz, Jonathan Keltz, Nicholas Braun, Raini Rodriguez, Christine Elise McCarthy, Dean Norris, Faith Ford, Jere Burns

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! This movie makes me so angry. It has cliché dialogue and storylines, no energy whatsoever, and adds absolutely nothing to the teen movie genre. The best way to describe it is completely unnecessary.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The only thing that made me laugh was the animalistic squealing of two thirteen year old girl across the row, who could hardly contain their teen angst every time the pulchritudinous Thomas McDonell strutted into frame. And when I say he strutted into frame every time, I am neither joking, nor exaggerating.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Oh, I'm crying alright! I have written three great teen comedies, all of which actually have plots-- I know, crazy-- and all of which have premises-- i.e. concepts that add something new to the teen comedy genre. My movies have been well received by Hollywood execs who have wanted to make them, but couldn't pass them up the ladder because, "Teen movies aren't making money, right now, so nobody's making them, and I have nowhere to sell this." I was really counting on this movie to bring the whole genre back into vogue. But this movie is so awful, it makes me never want to see another teen movie again. And in case you weren't paying attention, I've written 3 of them!

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most Well Behaved Teenagers of the New Millenium. What makes this group so special? In the whole movie, I didn't see one of them talk on a cell phone, text, or tweet. And here I thought that was an impossibility... But I guess not when you have a modern day high school movie where the filmmakers forgot that it's no longer 1983.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Let me describe the depth of characters to you. There's the blond peppy girl, the tall nerdy guy, the sweet underclassmen, the jock who cheats (and looks about 35), the popular girl who's confident even when things go bad, and the guy who looks like a young Johnny Depp and drives a motorcycle because he's a bad boy. I defy anyone to find more to any of those characters than I've put down here.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Joe Nussbaum has directed both straight to video movies, and theatrical movies that nobody saw until they came out on video. His work here should continue nicely in that direction.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I read in The Hollywood Reporter last week that Katie Wech, who wrote this movie, has already been hired to write another movie for Disney that may be a sequel to Prom. Having seen this movie, I have come to the conclusion that the "news" article I read was only given to the press to create false buzz, by pretending that Prom would be worthy of a sequel, which clearly it's not.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Rich Ross was recently appointed the new Chairman of Disney, and this movie is the first to come out that was developed by his regime. Ever since he's become the head, no one in Hollywood seems to be able to figure out what Disney wants to be. But if this is it, I have a stock tip for you: SELL!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Prom Trailer

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Bella (Kristen Stewart) still wants to be a vampire. Edward (Robert Pattison) still wants her to marry him. Jacob (Taylor Lautner) still loves her. And Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) is coming to eat her.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Xavier Samuel, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Nikki Reed, Kellan Lutz, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dakota Fanning, Anna Kendrick, Michael Welch, Christian Serratos, Justin Chon, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Chaske Spencer, Gil Birmingham, Alex Rice, BooBoo Stewart, Daniel Cudmore, Cameron Bright, Charlie Bewley, Catalina Sandino, Moreno

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! If you overlook the fact that Bella is basically choosing between bestiality and necrophilia, it's a fun, sexually-charged, tantric ride.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The threesome scene is pretty funny.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: For sure. But it's the kind of crying that only happens during moments of insane fandom, when you realize that your idol is right there in front of you in 70mm. Think Beatlemania with Twi-hards.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: There is something about the way Bella and Edward kiss that makes you wish it were you. I don't know how they do it, but they really do deserve a nomination for Best Kiss. (That's an actual award, Mom.)

Q: How is the Acting?

A: The acting is decent enough in this one, but the characters are really getting annoying. Jacob is a douche for continually trying to convince Bella to love him, right in front of her boyfriend. He comes off delusional and out of his league. Edward is a sap, all he can talk about is marriage and saving sex until after that's done. His love is so unconditional, you start to really wonder what it's based on. And Bella comes off like a whiny brat, always saying, "I don't want you guys putting your lives in danger over little ol' me... But don't let me die, okay?"

Q: How is the Directing?

A: More than one scene was blurry, and the filmic style has definitely gotten less gritty since Catherine Hardwicke left the picture. On the flip side, the latest director, David Slade, seems to have brought out a slightly deeper level of acting from his stars. Rumor has it, Billy Burke (the dad) and Peter Facinelli (the vampire dad) ended up having to take over the acting-coaching responsibilities before this director came along.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It's a nice touch that this episode gives us some of their origin stories. We learn about Rosalie's background and how she became a vampire and what era she lived in, as well as Jasper's history, era, and conversion days. Most interesting perhaps, though, is the brief history of the Indian tribe's bloody past, and how they came to hate vampires. In other scripting news, I still haven't figured out why Edward and Jacob are fighting over Bella. What's she got? I mean, aside from being a good kisser.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Rob Pattinson gets a pretty bad rap for constantly complaining about all the fanatical girls screaming in his presence. Well, I went to the Premiere last night, and I have to say, the insanity of the energy (and screaming and fainting) that occurred when he walked in, gave me a lot more sympathy for what he's dealing with on a daily basis. He could hardly get to his seat, despite more security than the Commander in Chief. His fans are not only crazy, they're animalistic. Then again, their presence in the screening added a wonderful je ne sais quoi to the whole viewing experience. Especially during the sexy scenes, when they literally freaked out screaming at the screen, as if Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart weren't in the room, too. It must have been very uncomfortable for them.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-twilight-saga-eclipse/36837/trailers

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The Last Song

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A rebellious teen (Miley Cyrus) is forced to spend the summer at the beach with her dad (Greg Kinnear), where she meets a boy (Liam Hemsworth) and falls in love. Whoa, tough life.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Miley Cyrus, Greg Kinnear, Bobby Coleman, Liam Hemsworth, Hallock Beals, Kelly Preston, Nick Lashaway, Carly Chaikin, Kate Vernon, Melissa Ordway

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! This ain't no Hannah Montana. And whatever you may think about the double-life-living Disney character, at least her stories don't make you regret having wasted your time watching them.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Miley's turn as a serious actress might.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: I want to say no, but for saps like me, there is a ray of light that could move you to the point of having to be embarrassed about it. (Sometimes I wonder if I have any standards at all...)

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: If Miley Cyrus wants to win awards, I'm gonna highly recommend that she stick with Hannah Montana, and continue aiming for Kid's Choice.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: When I was a teenager I believed deeply in love at first sight. But this movie helped me realize that it's a concept that can only exist when all parties involved are drop dead gorgeous, since naturally, "first sight" implies that nobody cares about the other's personality. I wasn't particularly sold on Liam Hemsworth's acting, but I have to give him credit for trying to sell the idea that he could instantly be attracted to Miley, despite the fact that she's acting like a rude, angry, little female dog. Unfortunately for her, this kind of selfish, bitter character makes her look both ugly and dumb. Bring back the blond wig and the fake teeth!

Q: How is the Directing?

A: My first directing teacher once said, "Directors are judged on their taste in material." So while Julie Anne Robinson's directing is perfectly passable, I'm still giving her an F for the day.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The drama manages to be both superficial and contrived. Shame on you Nicholas Sparks, for not taking your name off this unoriginal story, which was obviously written by a ghost apprentice, who was trying unsuccessfully to imitate your work in Dear John.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-last-song/37683/trailers

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Youth in Revolt

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A nerdy loser teenager (Michael Cera) gets an alter ego and becomes a juvenile delinquent to get a girl (Portia Doubleday). So what else is new?

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Michael Cera, Portia Doubleday, Jean Smart, Steve Buscemi, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Long, Mary Kay Place, M. Emmet Walsh, Erik Knudsen, Adhir Kalyan, Ari Graynor, Fred Willard, Ray Liotta, Rooney Mara, Jade Fusco, Jonathan Bradford Wright

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It tries a little too hard to be charming and quirky, and the result is the story of a pretentious, creepy teen who somehow finds a girl who is equally as pretentious as him- only pretty(ish)--, who has a boyfriend so pretentious that even our pretentious hero thinks he's a prick. On the other hand, some of you might be charmed by this film's quirk. I'm not judging you.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: In all its efforts to be quirky and charming, it's only natural that it should have a few successes in the cleverness department.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you believe in making criminals pay for their crimes, you might be upset by how easy the law is on our little juvie friend.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most big names with most small parts.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: You know how much I love Michael Cera, right?... Well he kind of creeped me out in this one. Although his alter ego- the very cool, very dangerous, and very French, Francois Dillinger-- was an unexpected stretch to see Cera pull off.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Miguel Arteta seems to be one of those directors who refuses to expand from the indie roots that got him where he is. So despite all the big name actors, this film looks like it was made by a no-name director on a microbudget. But at least this no-name director seems to have majored in animation, so there are some interesting animated interludes.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The precociousness of the teenagers' dialogue in this movie makes the dialogue in Juno look like Ebonics.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: There's an animated epilogue that takes place during the credits, so don't leave your seat too fast.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/youth-in-revolt/30923/trailers

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