Your Highness

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Two princes, one noble (James Franco) and one a slacker (Danny McBride), go on a quest to save a fair maiden (Zooey Deschanel) from an evil wizard (Justin Theroux), who plans to take over the world with the power he will gain by de-virginizing/raping her when the two moons meet.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Danny McBride, James Franco, Rasmus Hardiker, Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel, Justin Theroux, Toby Jones, Damian Lewis, Charles Dance

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! I read a speculative headline today that asked, "Did Your Highness' box office suffer because James Franco bombed at the Oscars?" The writer of this article obviously has not seen this movie, or he would know that the reason this movie suffers is because it's very ill. By which I mean sick. By which I mean awful. But it may actually be so bad that it's good.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Not at first, but after a while, when you get past the shock and denial of how terrible all of it is, you may start to giggle that this is actually happening. You are actually watching this. You actually spent money on the ticket. And they actually just said that.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: "Disturb" is a more accurate description of the emotion it elicits.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: They get the I Beat the MPAA Award. How they avoided an NC17 rating with the extended full frontal shots of a Minotaur's boner, is beyond me.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Natalie Portman's presence in this film reminds me of that time when Sandra Bullock won the Oscar and the Razzie in the same day. Only difference is Natalie is so good in this atrocity that it really makes you wonder if when she signed up to be in it, she wasn't convinced that anyone was actually going to like Black Swan.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: If you want to think David Gordon Green is a good director, you should see Pineapple Express. If you want to think he's a crappy director, you should see this.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: This is one of the scripts where you know it was hatched because a bunch of guys were sitting around, probably getting loaded, and throwing out hilarious "What ifs." The conversation most likely went something like this: "What if you were on a quest, and when you got to the wise man he was a freaky looking alien?" "Yeah! And what if he were a perv, too, who makes you blow him for information." "That's hilarious! And what if he had molested you, when you were young, but you don't realize it, cuz when kids get molested, they don't know that there's anything wrong with it." Crickets.... "That's really weird... We should definitely put that in!" The thing is, some what ifs make good movies and some what ifs make funny conversations that you should never admit to having been a part of.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Your Highness Trailer

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Centurion

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: During Roman times, a few honorable soldiers swashbuckled for their lives in a world of corrupt allies and enemies.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, Olga Kurylenko, Noel Clarke, David Morrissey, JJ Feild, Riz Ahmed, Ulrich Thomsen, Imogen Poots, Axelle Carolyn, Dave Legeno,

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. With battle scenes that are reminiscent of Inglorious Basterds but a much less emotionally compelling plot, this movie is made for guys who like bloody sword fights and the thrill of combat movies that take place during an age when men wore dresses.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: There are very few jokes, but they are as funny as they are rare.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but it will probably make you close your eyes and turn away from the screen a few times, as you scrunch up your face like you just bit into a lemon.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I'd consider it for Most Gratifying Murder of a Small to Medium-sized Child.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: The most standout thing about the acting is the incredible beauty of both Olga Kurylenko and Imogen Poots. And also finding out that (according to this movie) in Ancient Roman times, women apparently fought in battles, and men apparently had no issues with killing them brutally if need be.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: With a few well placed sweeping crane shots, Neil Marshall makes a small movie, with very few differing locations seem big in scale, but the battle scenes tend to be shot too close up, so that even during climactic moments, it's hard to tell who killed who and how.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It relies mostly on voice over to move the story along between chase scenes and battles, but the most annoying part is actually the ending, which humiliates itself by desperately and blatantly begging for a sequel, instead of neatly wrapping everything up.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiQCofKrYAI

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Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightnight Thief

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) discovers that he is the Demi-God son of Poseidon, and that it is up to him to find Zeus' lightning bolt and save his mother from Hades' clutches before the Gods go to war and destroy the Earth for good.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Jake Abel, Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnan, Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, Rosario Dawson, Melina Kanakaredes, Kevin McKidd, Joe Pantoliano, Uma Thurman

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! Come on, just from the description you can tell this film has it all: adventure, battle, and a really cute new teenage leading man!... boy.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: I think it's funny that I went to see a movie aimed at 10 year old boys and liked it.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: I'm not confessing to anything... but to be fair, it's not my fault, it used the same trick that got me choked up in Valentine's Day, and that trick gets me every time, because it's so easy, it's practically like cheating! Plus, I was already feeling vulnerable from all the scary creatures that had me jumping out of my seat on a regular basis.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It could probably get a Kid's Choice Award on Nickelodeon. But if not this time, then I imagine the sequel will... No, they haven't made it yet, I'm just assuming that was the point.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: No one does anything all that incredible, but I'm always impressed when people under 18 can do anything at all.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: There are a lot of beautiful special effects made out of the elements: The skies, the water, the fire, and the debris floating in the air of the Underworld.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Everything is set up in exceedingly obvious ways that a 10 year old could see coming, but at least it always pays off. And the adventure genuinely gets you wondering how they're going to get out of some of the precarious situations they get into.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: NSFW: When Pierce Brosnan reveals himself to be a centaur and his bottom half becomes that of a horse, it looks like he has a gigantic package where his human parts would have been. Did I just say that out loud?

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/percy-jackson-and-the-olympians-the/32797/trailers

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