You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: There's this family, and everyone in it is unhappy and wants to cheat on and/or leave their spouse. Uplifting. Oh, yeah, and one of them is seeing a quack psychic.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Gemma Jones, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins, Lucy Punch, Freida Pinto, Antonio Banderas, Roger Ashton-Griffiths, Pauline Collins, Ewen Bremner, Christian McKay, Theo James, Fenella Woolgar, Anna Friel, Neil Jackson, Zak Orth

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Woody Allen's movies often start with a voice over or inscription citing a quote that outright states the theme of the movie, so when the first words of this film's voice over stated that Shakespeare said life was a lot of sound and fury leading up to nothing, I started to worry. And as foretold, the film is exactly that.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The whole "everybody's unhappy, selfish, and wants to cheat" theme is almost too depressing to allow the humor to play.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If this film is anything more than Woody Allen's cynical viewpoint with a touch of aging thrown in, then we should all cry, because life sucks and then, if you're lucky, you die. If you're unlucky, you're reborn and have to go through the Hell of it all over again.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The French will think of something. They just love that fool.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Josh Brolin put on weight for the role and Anthony Hopkins lost a bunch. I know some people consider that acting.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Woody Allen's style hasn't evolved since the 70s. In 300 years, you would be able to pick up any of his films and recognize his auteurship by the long shots of two people walking and talking in some urban city. The strangest part is that after all these decades, and in all its simplicity, his style still works.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: This story is a good example of why Woody Allen shouldn't try to do one film a year. There are some incredibly clever twists, which lead to nothing, as they are not resolved. Which leaves me with the impression that he knew he hadn't finished the script, but it was time to start shooting if he was gonna make his self-imposed one film a year schedule, so he tagged on the theme of Shakespeare's "A lot of sound and fury amounting to nothing" as an excuse about why he never bothered to resolve the story... Which, I guess, in itself is pretty clever in its own way.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/you-will-meet-a-tall-dark-stranger/38103/trailers

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Hereafter

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A man in America (Matt Damon) struggles with his gift for talking to the dead, while a woman in France (Cecile de France) struggles with the aftermath of a near-death experience, while a boy in England (Frankie McLaren/George McLaren) struggles with the sudden loss of his twin brother.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Matt Damon, Cecile de France, Jay Mohr, Frankie McLaren, George McLaren, Thierry Neuvic, Bryce Dallas Howard, Richard Kind, Lyndsey Marshal, Rebekah Staton, Declan Conlon, Steven R. Schirripa, Jean-Yves Berteloot, Niamh Cusack, George Costigan, Jenifer Lewis, Marthe Keller, Derek Jacobi

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! I was so into it, that I couldn't stop thinking it was a true story. It's not... But I still think the basic principles of it are.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Clint Eastwood wouldn't know humor if it landed on his head and farted ... Okay, I may just be saying that to get a rise out of the idiot commentators who threatened to rape and kill me when I compared Clint Eastwood's performance in Gran Torino to Will Ferrell. I've erased the comments because they were so incredibly graphic and offensive, but I still wanted to take this occasion to say F-U!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: As I learned from the aforementioned commentators, death is a very sensitive subject, especially when it's threatened on you. But the answer to this question would have been yes anyway. You will cry.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I kind of hope so, even though this is the kind of "Hollywood" movie that will have all the die hard cineastes up in arms if itwins. It's got a similar vibe to Crash.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: The young boys and their heroin-addicted mother (Lyndsey Marshal) are the surprise break out performances. And Cecile De France has a charm that's reminiscent of Meg Ryan in her prime-- with a cute little French accent to boot.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Anyone who shoots a movie that takes place in not one, but both of my favorite cities in the world, is all right with me. Go ahead, take a guess. Hint: they're the two cities I grew up flying back and forth between. If you've been reading my reviews, you should be able to answer this one by now.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Let me tell you why Peter Morgan is a great writer: even as I'm predicting what's going to happen next, I'm not feeling like I'm watching anything formulaic. Try to figure that one out.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/hereafter/1421819/trailers

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The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: An ethereal battle between good and evil, which takes place in each character's imagination, as interpreted by the old mystic, Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Christopher Plummer, Heath Ledger, Lily Cole, Andrew Garfield, Tom Waits, Verne Troyer, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Colin Farrell

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. If you've ever seen a Terry Gilliam film, you know what you're in for: a lot of style and theory, with very strange substance. This film is as visually beautiful and imaginative as the storyline is surreal.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: That depends on if you have a subscription to Bizzaro magazine or not. If you do, this humor will fall right in line with your sensibilities. Also if you do, you are the proud owner of a magazine that I just made up.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you're an aspiring actor, you'll cry when you realize that Mini-me has a legitimate acting career and you don't.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I might give this movie an award for premonition, because it seems as if they knew Heath Ledger was going to drop out (read: die) mid-filming. They managed to have him in all the "real-life" scenes, where his presence is necessary, and the way they use Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell to replace him in the imaginings actually makes a lot of sense for the "logic" of this story.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Tom Waits, as the devil, gets applause just for showing up... Or at least that's what the people in my theater seemed to think.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Lavish and riddled with over-the-top, fun-loving, and sometimes campy special effects-- which begs the question: how does this guy continue to get these giant budgets to make esoteric comedies that nobody is going to see? I guess his financiers are still hoping he'll accidentally churn out another Monty Python film, despite the lack of any Monty Python players.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Terry Gilliam is like a fun and upbeat version of David Lynch. In both cases, it's easier to call them genius, than to admit that you have no idea what they're talking about... But what really makes them genius, is I'm pretty sure that they have no idea what they're talking about either.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-imaginarium-of-doctor-parnassus/33122/trailers

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The Men Who Stare at Goats

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: After getting dumped by his wife, a journalist (Ewan McGregor) goes to Iraq to write a story that will win her back, and ends up getting the adventure of his life when he meets an eccentric military man from the psychic superpower division (George Clooney). It's somewhat based on a true story.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Ewan McGregor, George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey, Stephen Lang, Robert Patrick, Waleed Zuaiter, Stephen Root, Glenn Morshower

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. The premise shows more promise than the execution, which has a perfect wacky tone, but leaves you wondering what it was all supposed to be about.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It is highly reminiscent of a Coen Brothers comedy, only the jokes are a little more laugh out loud. And there are some inside jokes for people who have seen Star Wars... which I guess includes just about everyone.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Really not at all. Although when you see how they torture the prisoners, you may feel terrible for those poor little terrorists.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Jeff Bridges could finally get that nomination he was passed over for when he played The Dude in The Big Lebowski. This character is pretty much the same, except he doesn't bowl, and he's a Colonel in the military.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Aside from Ewan McGregor sometimes slipping into his Scottish accent, the performances showcase four great actors, each playing the role they do best.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Grant Heslov has clearly been paying attention on set. He doesn't quite have that Coen Brothers' flare, but you can still tell he studied at their school.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The structure jumps around in both time and place, but is nonetheless easy to follow, thanks to a running voice over by McGregor's character. Unfortunately, while the jokes are good and the characters are special, the story never really draws you in.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-men-who-stare-at-goats/38908/trailers

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Paranormal Activity

(Guest Review by Russ)

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A young couple moves into their new house and decides to record the paranormal activity that seems to be escalating as time goes by.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs, Amber Armstrong

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! Hey folks, it’s Halloween and time to be frightened, so if you’re searching for a scare-guarantee then look no further than this. With not a drop of blood, serial killer or ghostly figure anywhere in sight, Paranormal Activity uses suspense and our fear of the unknown to create a movie-going experience that will scare the pants off you.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Yes. Micah Sloat is goofily charming and funny as the boyfriend most girls will want as their protector and husband.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: That depends, do you usually cry when you discover that you've just crapped your pants?

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Best Film Hollywood Could Never-Ever Make in a million years? (But I give Dreamworks credit for buying it and releasing it as is, instead of remaking it with Megan Fox and some star from Gossip Girl.)

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Astonishing. Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat (as “Katie” and “Micah”) are tasked with bringing an ‘everyman’ anonymous quality to their characters and relationship and they almost succeed a little too well. This is all supposed to play out as if watching the found-footage of a real-life average couple that went through something extraordinary and there isn’t a false moment to be found in their performances. The fact you’ve never seen (or heard of) these actors before is a condition of making this film work, but I don’t think Katie and Micah will stay anonymous for very much longer.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: This entire movie is shot from the POV of a digital camera either sitting on a tripod or being carried around by one of the leads, but while that might sound annoying in a sea-sick feeling kind of way, thankfully it's not. It also proves how much more there is to directing than how the director moves the camera because the straightforwardness and documentary-like feel of it only enhance the creepiness. Oren Peli, the director-screenwriter may not have had a lot of resources in making this movie but he still manages to ratchet up the tension and suspense in ways that can only lead to the conclusion that he’s a gifted director with a bright future.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: This movie is so natural in the way it unfolds, it’s easy to forget there even was a script. The conceit of Paranormal Activity is to make you feel as if you’re watching the equivalent of home-movies, but the sequence of events that unfolds is masterful in how it creates escalating fear that never lets up and makes for one of the most rewarding movie-viewing experiences you can hope to have in 2009.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: In case I haven't made this completely clear: this movie will scare the s**t out of you!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/paranormal-activity/33046/main

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Drag Me to Hell

(Guest Review by Russ)

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A loan officer (Alison Lohman) makes a fatal mistake when she doesn’t approve an old woman for a loan and gets a supernatural curse placed on her that makes her life a living hell.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Lorna Raver, Dileep Rao, David Paymar, Reggie Lee

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! It’s scary, it’s funny and gross as hell (of the PG-13 variety). And you’re in the talented, masterful hands of a filmmaker who knows this genre inside and out. Grab your bucket of popcorn and 10 gallons of soda and go scream with two-hundred other people and have a great time. This is why we go to the movies, right?

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Yes. It’ll make you laugh in two ways, 1: Nervous laughter cause you know things are about to go horribly wrong and 2. Genuine laughter because the filmmakers meant for you to laugh.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Does projectile vomiting make you weep? If so, bring Kleenex.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Probably not, but I’d rather see Sam Raimi win something for this than a Spider-Man movie.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Lorna Raver as Mrs. Ganush, the gypsy woman who puts a curse on Alison Lohman, is brilliant. She’s all sorts of creepy-scary and her dentures alone will give you nightmares. And just wait till her eyelid gets stapled shut. Awesome! Also, I would be remiss not to mention a goat in this movie that is weirdly expressive and gets some good laughs.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Before becoming a mega-director overseeing the Spider-Man franchise, Sam Raimi made some cool horror movies in his early career and it’s obvious he’s having a great time returning to that genre with this film. If you’ve seen any of his Evil Dead movies, then you’ll have an idea of the tone of this one and what constitutes Sam Raimi Horror. He knows how to keep it suspenseful, scary and funny without the gross-out of severed limbs and tons of blood. Drag Me To Hell offers up a bunch of sequences that will make you want to hurl, but your revulsion will be tempered by how much you’re laughing. A five-minute sequence in a parking garage near the beginning of the film is worth the price of admission alone; it has to be seen to be believed.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: There is just enough back-story mumbo jumbo about the curse to make it work, and that’s about all this movie really needs to get you hooked. The humor (mainly from Justin Long) is appreciated and the plot zips along fast enough so that you don’t think too much about any plot holes or if Alison Lohman’s character really deserves the curse she incurs. I wish the twist had been cleverer – it’s not hard to figure out – but it doesn’t detract one bit from a great ending that still comes as a nice surprise. With a title like Drag Me To Hell, don’t expect this movie to wimp out for even one second of its 99 minutes.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/drag-me-to-hell/32362/trailers

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