You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: There's this family, and everyone in it is unhappy and wants to cheat on and/or leave their spouse. Uplifting. Oh, yeah, and one of them is seeing a quack psychic.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Gemma Jones, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins, Lucy Punch, Freida Pinto, Antonio Banderas, Roger Ashton-Griffiths, Pauline Collins, Ewen Bremner, Christian McKay, Theo James, Fenella Woolgar, Anna Friel, Neil Jackson, Zak Orth

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Woody Allen's movies often start with a voice over or inscription citing a quote that outright states the theme of the movie, so when the first words of this film's voice over stated that Shakespeare said life was a lot of sound and fury leading up to nothing, I started to worry. And as foretold, the film is exactly that.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The whole "everybody's unhappy, selfish, and wants to cheat" theme is almost too depressing to allow the humor to play.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If this film is anything more than Woody Allen's cynical viewpoint with a touch of aging thrown in, then we should all cry, because life sucks and then, if you're lucky, you die. If you're unlucky, you're reborn and have to go through the Hell of it all over again.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The French will think of something. They just love that fool.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Josh Brolin put on weight for the role and Anthony Hopkins lost a bunch. I know some people consider that acting.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Woody Allen's style hasn't evolved since the 70s. In 300 years, you would be able to pick up any of his films and recognize his auteurship by the long shots of two people walking and talking in some urban city. The strangest part is that after all these decades, and in all its simplicity, his style still works.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: This story is a good example of why Woody Allen shouldn't try to do one film a year. There are some incredibly clever twists, which lead to nothing, as they are not resolved. Which leaves me with the impression that he knew he hadn't finished the script, but it was time to start shooting if he was gonna make his self-imposed one film a year schedule, so he tagged on the theme of Shakespeare's "A lot of sound and fury amounting to nothing" as an excuse about why he never bothered to resolve the story... Which, I guess, in itself is pretty clever in its own way.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/you-will-meet-a-tall-dark-stranger/38103/trailers

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Crazy Heart

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Another story about a washed up singer who turns to alcoholism. This time it’s Country.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell, Robert Duvall, James Keane, Jack Nation, Ryan Bingham

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! You’ve seen this movie already. The only reason to go to this would be for the music, so if you like blues-influenced country music, you should save your money for the soundtrack.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The singer has an agent, and agents in movies are usually as funny as agents in real life are upsetting.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Maggie Gyllenhaal cries in almost every scene she has. Often for reasons that don’t make much sense, like that Jeff Bridges is lying in her bed writing a pretty song.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Since most of the songs were written by T. Bone Burnett, I imagine at least one of them will get nominated for something. He’s really hot right now. And according to the marketing campaign for this very movie, Jeff Bridges has practically already won his first Academy Award for this performance.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Jeff Bridges is totally believable as a country singer, from his southern accent to his gravitas. Next to him, Colin Farrell’s complete lack of on screen charisma becomes ever more apparent.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The Southwest locations are pretty. The motel rooms and bars are ugly. And the concerts rip off shots from Walk the Line have already been spoofed in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story… so they end up seeming funny, instead of cool.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Movies about has-been alcoholics who used to be famous are depressing. Nobody cares!... Unless that alcoholism leads to something spectacular, like the invention of a usable jet pack, please don't subject me to this played out storyline anymore.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/crazy-heart/1441169/trailers

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O'Horten

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A railroad conductor retires after a life of rigidity and schedule, to finally discover the lighter side of life.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Baard Owe, Espen Skjonberg, Ghita Norby, Henny Moan, Bjorn Floberg, Kai Remlov, Peder Anders Lohne Hamer, Kari Loland

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! The only reason to see this movie is if you want to look at a snowy Norwegian vista, but you can’t afford a ticket to visit it live.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Only if you have a lot of patience and a very peculiar sense of what’s funny.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Boy, will it not do that.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: If a movie could be a wallflower, this one would define that genre. But to get awards somebody has to notice you exist.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Most of the characters aren’t on screen long enough to do anything wrong. (You have to see the movie to know how incredibly true that is.)

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The lighting, framing and production design are what make this film a piece of art…

Q: How is the story/script?

A: …And the quiet story-less story is what makes this art film another boring piece of-- art film.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: This movie doesn’t come out until May 15th in the US, but I’m posting it now because it’s already out in the rest of the world.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/search/o'horten/trailers

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