Prom

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: The most uninteresting and unoriginal problems that an ensemble of teens in an imaginary high school might encounter around going to Prom.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Aimee Teegarden, Thomas McDonell, DeVaughn Nixon, Danielle Campbell, Yin Chang, Jared Kusnitz, Nolan Sotillo, Cameron Monaghan, Kylie Bunbury, Joe Adler, Janelle Ortiz, Jonathan Keltz, Nicholas Braun, Raini Rodriguez, Christine Elise McCarthy, Dean Norris, Faith Ford, Jere Burns

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! This movie makes me so angry. It has cliché dialogue and storylines, no energy whatsoever, and adds absolutely nothing to the teen movie genre. The best way to describe it is completely unnecessary.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The only thing that made me laugh was the animalistic squealing of two thirteen year old girl across the row, who could hardly contain their teen angst every time the pulchritudinous Thomas McDonell strutted into frame. And when I say he strutted into frame every time, I am neither joking, nor exaggerating.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Oh, I'm crying alright! I have written three great teen comedies, all of which actually have plots-- I know, crazy-- and all of which have premises-- i.e. concepts that add something new to the teen comedy genre. My movies have been well received by Hollywood execs who have wanted to make them, but couldn't pass them up the ladder because, "Teen movies aren't making money, right now, so nobody's making them, and I have nowhere to sell this." I was really counting on this movie to bring the whole genre back into vogue. But this movie is so awful, it makes me never want to see another teen movie again. And in case you weren't paying attention, I've written 3 of them!

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most Well Behaved Teenagers of the New Millenium. What makes this group so special? In the whole movie, I didn't see one of them talk on a cell phone, text, or tweet. And here I thought that was an impossibility... But I guess not when you have a modern day high school movie where the filmmakers forgot that it's no longer 1983.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Let me describe the depth of characters to you. There's the blond peppy girl, the tall nerdy guy, the sweet underclassmen, the jock who cheats (and looks about 35), the popular girl who's confident even when things go bad, and the guy who looks like a young Johnny Depp and drives a motorcycle because he's a bad boy. I defy anyone to find more to any of those characters than I've put down here.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Joe Nussbaum has directed both straight to video movies, and theatrical movies that nobody saw until they came out on video. His work here should continue nicely in that direction.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I read in The Hollywood Reporter last week that Katie Wech, who wrote this movie, has already been hired to write another movie for Disney that may be a sequel to Prom. Having seen this movie, I have come to the conclusion that the "news" article I read was only given to the press to create false buzz, by pretending that Prom would be worthy of a sequel, which clearly it's not.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Rich Ross was recently appointed the new Chairman of Disney, and this movie is the first to come out that was developed by his regime. Ever since he's become the head, no one in Hollywood seems to be able to figure out what Disney wants to be. But if this is it, I have a stock tip for you: SELL!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Prom Trailer

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Adam

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A romance develops between a man with Asperger's Syndrome (Hugh Dancy) and his beautiful neighbor (Rose Byrne).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Hugh Dancy, Rose Byrne, Peter Gallagher, Amy Irving, Frankie Faison

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. While the movie clearly tries to shed light on what it is to live with Asperger's Syndrome, it's unclear if the filmmaker is trying to create sympathy for the bearers of this mental condition, or if this is a cautionary tale warning the rest of us to stay away from them.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If you see any blurbs describing this film as a "romantic-comedy" (as I did), I would advise you never to read the trash-rags on which that was printed again, as a film is required to have jokes, in order to qualify for that label.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It makes me sad to think that if this film's depiction of Asperger's is correct, no one should ever date a person who has it... On the bright side, since one of the key elements of Asperger's is that you can't tell how other people are feeling, at least you would never have to know that you are not loved.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Not to go back to the whole "Half-retard" thing (see Tropic Thunder), but clearly Hugh Dancy took this role in the hopes that he would get recognized by award-givers everywhere. Unfortunately, his forced performance is one of the things that worked against the movie's success.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Not only is Hugh Dancy's performance uneven, and way too autistic to represent the true functionality of a person with Asperger's, but he's also not nearly as attractive when he doesn't use his English accent. Rose Byrne proves to be a TV actress, at best... Although, I've never seen her on TV, and guest reviewer Russ says she's no good at that either.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Since the director is also the writer, I have to blame him for the bad performances, as he had to have known the right way to deliver the lines, and wasn't able to get the actors to do it. If Hugh Dancy, for example, had simply trusted the words in the script, and said them like a normal person, instead of adding so many actorish mannerisms to them, the words alone could've gotten his social awkwardness across in a much more believable way. It's called trusting the script.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: For once, the script was better than the movie. Not by much, mind you, but with stronger actors, it could have been ever so slightly more compelling. And perhaps I would've understood what the author was trying to tell his audience about people who have Asperger's. Because I find it hard to believe that he went to the trouble of writing a film, raising money for it, going through an arduous production and post-production process, doing the festival circuit, and finding a distributor, just so that I could take away the message, "Don't bother with these people, they're not worth the effort."

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/search/adam/trailers

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Slumdog Millionaire

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: An orphan from the slums of Bombay relives his difficult childhood through a game of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Dev Patel, Freida Pinto, Irfan Khan, Anil Kapoor, Madhur Mittal, and a bunch of fantastic child actors whose names are nowhere to be found on the internet, and race by much too quickly in the end credits. Total ageism, I say!

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! It is your destiny. I know the description sounds too meta for school, but it's actually really cool, inventive, and even a little bit spiritual-- especially if you believe that everything happens for a reason.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The humor is very subtle and highbrow, so if you're afraid of the sound of one man laughing, you should try to do it quietly.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Though it is moving, there are no real tear-jerking moments. In other emotionally disturbing news, including The Black Balloon and Zack & Miri Make a Porno, this is the third movie I've seen IN A ROW, with an extended graphic sequence about poop! I'm only now realizing how many different colors and textures it comes in. Lucky for me, bad things happen in threes, so I have hope that the next film I see will be poopless. Lucky for you, you've been warned.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: A. R. Rahman, who is known as the John Williams of Bollywood-- only more famous-- is highly likely to acquire an Oscar nomination for his score. And actually, it's even got a solid chance at Best Picture in the smaller races, like the Independent Spirit Awards.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: As we see 3 generations of each character (who are cast surprisingly well to look like each other), it is always impressive when the youngest versions of the characters are the most fun to watch. Perhaps it's because they're so uninhibited, but maybe it's because they're so little and cute... And speaking of good-looking, the grown up version of the girl, Freida Pinto, who has never acted in a movie before-- though you'd have no way of knowing from this performance--, looks like Indian Barbie... I think she may be one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: High energy and beautifully descriptive, even in the ugliest and most downtrodden of neighborhoods. If you've seen Trainspotting, then you know that Danny Boyle has a gift for making nasty, dirty things look exhilarating.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It's something I have never seen before, both in structure and in content. You will be entertained and learn about the culture of a far away place, without having to smell its stench. Sorry, India, but I can tell just by looking at you that you stink like rotting flesh.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Paper Planes by M. I. A., the same song that is highly featured in Pineapple Express, is also used ad-nauseam in this film. Music creates such an important visceral association, that I think there should be a law against musicians being allowed to sell a song to more than one movie soundtrack within the same 5 year period-- Unless, of course, it's a spoof trying to recall the original movie the song incites. Bottom line, M. I. A. is a whore.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/slumdog-millionaire/31044/trailers

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