Fast Five

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: First of all, can you believe I saw this?! Got passes to a free screening and thought the poster looked cool, so I went to the 5th installment of The Fast and the Furious franchise, of which I've seen NONE of the the first four. So here's what I think it's about... There's this bad guy, and he befriended an undercover cop, but now the cop loves him, because he's dating the bad guy's sister, so he decides to break the bad guy out of jail, and now he's a bad guy, too. But really, they're both good guys.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Lucacris" Bridges, Matt Schulze, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, Tego Calderon, Don Omar, Joaquim de Almeida, Dwayne Johnson, Elsa Pataky, Michael Irby

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! It's loud! And crazy! And I think the heroes died about once every five minutes if this weren't a movie. But it really is adrenaline pumping, and anyone who takes it as pure fantasy, existing merely for the purpose of outlandish action, is gonna love it.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Yes. At the acting. I haven't seen the first four, so I'm assuming this is meant to be a spoof.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: They destroy at least $10 million worth of cars, so somebody should be crying. Like all those people who just lost their jobs and got their cars repoed recently. Look out for yours, it's probably in there getting smashed to bits.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I don't see how anyone could ever beat this in a vehicular stunt contest. I also think the guy who has to clean up the mess these guys leave in their wake should get an award.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Vin Diesel makes the Rock look like an Oscar contender. And Paul Walker is so bland, that most actors would have to be lobotomized to do what he does. But at least the girls are bad-ass.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Sometimes when I watch all the different angles Justin Lin had to get to cover the action scenes and explosions, I think he must have a lot of patience. But don't cast The Rock and Vin Diesel in the same fight scene. In fast motion, it's impossible to tell their bald heads apart!

Q: How is the story/script?

A: As a screenwriter myself, all I can say is, "How do they come up with this stuff?!" Oh, yeah, it's like this.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Fast Five Trailer

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Paul

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A couple of English nerds (Simon Pegg & Nick Frost), who are in America for Comic Con, encounter an Alien named Paul (Seth Rogen), who is on the run from Area 51, and then, the English guys decide that it would be a good idea to help Paul get back home.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, Jo Lo Truglio, Sigourney Weaver, John Carroll Lynch, Jane Lynch, Blythe Danner, David Koechner, Jesse Plemons, Jeffrey Tambor, Steven Spielberg (on the phone)

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! Don't let the slow start scare you, once it gets going, you won't want it to ever stop.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: I went for the Hot Fuzz duo, but I stayed for the funny alien.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but if you have strong religious beliefs, it's probably going to piss you off.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Comedy Central is finally putting together the Comedy Awards, in order to compete with the Tragedy Awards, also known as the Oscars, and so far, Paul is the front-runner to sweep the new show.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Turns out, I'm not sick of Seth Rogen, after all.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Greg Mottola is lucky that he's friends with more talented writers than himself, because when given a good script, his work is not half bad.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Great for nerds because they will be able to pick out references to every sci-fi film and TV series ever made. And great for everybody else because they will be able to laugh at how lame it is to be so nerdy that you can recognize references to every sci-fi film and TV series ever made.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Paul Trailer

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The X Files: I Want to Believe

(Guest Review by Jack and Kacy)

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Mulder and Scully (David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson) are called back to duty by the FBI when a former priest claims to be receiving psychic visions pertaining to a kidnapped agent.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly, Alvin "Xzibit" Joiner, Mitch Pileggi

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! If you liked the series, revisit your favorite episode on DVD. If you didn’t like the series, this will not make you want to believe.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: No. There is a George Bush joke in there, but even that isn’t funny. And he's the easiest target since Michael Jackson.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you liked the series, you will cry about how badly they wasted their opportunity to grow the franchise. After this bomb, you can file Mulder and Scully in a place more remote than the X-Files. They will not return. Believe that.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: If this wins anything, then I'll believe that aliens exist!

Q: How is the Acting?

A: During the extended hiatus, Gillian Anderson seems to have forgotten who Scully was... David Duchovny is passable, but all that mumbling through his beard for the first third of the movie doesn’t help his cause.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Chris Carter promised that this movie would scare the daylights out of me... It did. I was scared that he thought this was any good. No wonder they kept everything ultra secret. They didn’t want the secret to get out that it stank!

Q: How is the story/script?

A: In Gillian Anderson's defense, maybe she phoned in her performance because she wasn’t given anything worthwhile to say. The story is boring and the script even more so. This would not even rate in the upper half of X-Files TV episodes.

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