I Melt With You

Q: What’s the movie about?

A:  4 44-year-old guys (Thomas Jane, Jeremy Piven, Rob Lowe, & Christian McKay) reunite every year for one of their birthdays and take more drugs than seems humanly possible, as they work out their lives.  Let me tell you something about the number 4, in China, it's considered such bad luck, that the elevators don't have any floors with the number 4 in them.  Yes, this does mean that if you live on the 50th floor of a building, your direct downstairs neighbors live on the 39th floor.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A:  Thomas Jane, Jeremy Piven, Rob Lowe, Christian McKay, Carla Gugino, Tom Bower, Arielle Kebbel, Zander Eckhouse, Abhi Sinha, Sasha Grey, Joe Reegan, August Emerson, Rebecca Creskoff, Melora Hardin, Shane Roney

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A:  Proceed wit Caution.  This movie is love it or hate it.  Personally, I did both.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A:  If you are paying very close attention.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: There is a butt-load of crying in it, but will you relate?  That depends on how much you hate yourself and why.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A:  Surprisingly it's not yet.  And oddly, this is one overly-arty and borderline boring indy film that I would've voted for in a few categories-- particularly directing.

Q: How is the Acting?

A:  Christian McKay often seems to be in a much more melodramatic film than the others.  Jeremy Piven has moments where you begin to see his range, and others where you wonder if he'll ever be anyone besides Ari Gold again.  And Rob Lowe... Is it just me, or is he getting hotter with age.  I never went for him as a kid (I was a rebel), but now, his face is practically inhuman.

Q: How is the Directing?

A:  Mark Pellington directs this film as an independent film should be directed.  He shows individuality and a style all his own, without  coming off deliberately pretentious.  His shots are unpredictable and often have you wondering why he chose to shoot from a certain angle, but strangely, this time the thought is never accompanied by a feeling of anger.

Q: How is the story/script?

A:  I knew where this film was going to go about 30 minutes in, but it is such a strange place to go that I remained intrigued about how it would manage to go there.  Ultimately the characters' actions as a group are completely unjustifiable, despite the fact that their actions as indivuals make perfect sense.  I have you intrigued, don't I?

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A:  The soundtrack wants me to comment about it, but I'm not going to.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: I Melt With You

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Bad Teacher

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A gold-digger (Cameron Diaz) resentfully moonlights as a teacher, hating her job, students, co-workers, and basically anyone who doesn’t have money that she might be able to manipulate out of them.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Lucy Punch, Jason Segel, Phyllis Smith, John Michael Higgins, Matthew J. Evans, Kaitlyn Dever, Kathryn Newton, Jillian Armenante, Igal Ben Yair

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Not boring or hard to watch, but if my description of the movie sounds like it doesn’t include a plot, well…

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Jason Segel has most of the good lines.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: When I think that this crappy teacher, with a little financial motivation, ends up being about 100 times more efficient than the majority of teachers in the public schools, yeah, it makes me a little weepy... Then again, this movie has less than nothing to do with real life, so why even compare the two.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most Desirous of the Audience Noticing that the Teacher was Not Good, but "BAD." I first noticed the strong desire to get this across when in the the opening titles, they underlined the word "Bad" three times, and then circled it twice (just in case we hadn't noticed it yet.) So of course I had to ask myself why this was so important to them, and I think I figured it out. I have concluded that naming this movie "Bad Teacher" (instead of "Whore Teacher"-- which would've been a thousand times more apt), was done in an effort to create a genre based around a similar but great movie called, Bad Santa. You see in both movies, a protagonist with a drinking problem is placed in a job that involves dealing with innocent children, where the professional is expected to be sweet, but instead is an asshole-- and therefore funny. Get it? I know you do. So as a FREE GIFT from reading my blog, here are some marketable ideas that you might want to write in this genre: Bad Camp Counselor, Bad Pediatrician, and Bad Tooth-Fairy (the list of possibilities is endless). You're welcome.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Cameron Diaz is convincingly unlikeable, and Justin Timberlake is completely miscast in the role of a naïve, easily manipulated, sensitive nerd. He is so incredibly miscast, in fact, that no amount of acting could have saved his performance. This role is simply custom-made to be played by not him. And by “not him,” I mean, Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: I tend to want to blame the director for casting Justin Timberlake in a role so ill-suited to him, and thereby causing the movie to be even more stupid than it already is... But, considering all the press about how Cameron Diaz lobbied for her ex to have this role, I tend to think that Jake Kasdan's hands were tied. After all, she’s the big star, and his job is to make sure she doesn’t walk, thereby causing his movie to never get made at all.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Most of the elements of the school, the teacher-student relationships, the parent-teacher relationships, the teacher-teacher and principal-teacher relationships are as unlikely as a woman who looks like Cameron Diaz and acts like a transparent bitch ever getting hired for a job around pubescent children. But the most offensive and blatant problem with the script is the resolution, where the character turns around her whole attitude because I have no idea why.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Bad Teacher Trailer

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Cedar Rapids

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A severely sheltered insurance salesman (Ed Helms) from a very small town in Wisconsin goes to the annual insurance convention in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and grows a pair of balls.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Stephen Root, Kurtwood Smith, Alia Shawkat, Sigourney Weaver, Mike O'Malley, Rob Corddry, Thomas Lennon

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! This film, about the happenings at a convention, is somehow unconventional. This isn't completely surprising, since it's produced by Ad Hominem, i.e. Alexander Payne, the director who brought us Citizen Ruth, Election, and Sideways. So keep that in mind, if you want to fully appreciate the quirky brand of broad humor this is going for.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: There are plenty of good jokes. Though I haven't heard the word "awesome" used so much for a cheap laugh since Chris Farley died.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It's kind of a non-stop party, and nobody cries at parties. Especially not when they're hopped up on drugs, alcohol and hookers, like the fine folks in this movie.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most Amazing Cougar of the Year Award goes to Sigourney Weaver's character who is a lover, a mother, a grade school teacher, and mentor, all rolled into one very secure package.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: John C. Reilly resurrects himself from a slew of depressing roles, to finally bring us something fun again. Ed Helms continues to clearly define his niche for us. And Anne Heche is so funny that I thought she was some quirky new comedienne, who I was about to let you all into the know about, until the end credits came up, at which point I realized that there must be two actresses named Anne Heche.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: It looks like a little, low budget indy comedy by a first time director. Miguel Arteta, of course, has been directing little, low budget indy comedies since the 90s. Normally I would knock the lack of improvement over a director's career, but in this case, I think the glossy-less-ness actually makes the jokes seem funnier.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It's directionless, meandering, and even predictable, yet it manages to stay fun and keep you engaged. Kind of like Superbad and The Hangover.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Cedar Rapids Trailer

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The Romantics

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A girl (Katie Holmes) is asked to be the maid of honor as the love of her life (Josh Duhamel) marries her best friend (Anna Paquin).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Katie Holmes, Josh Duhamel, Anna Paquin, Malin Akerman, Adam Brody, Dianna Agron, Jeremy Strong, Rebecca Lawrence, Candice Bergen, Elijah Wood

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! I was all set to moderately like this movie until the ending, which was like when a guy is torn between the woman he's marrying and the woman he loves, and then it rains... Oops, spoiler alert.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Yes, it's like Rachel Getting Married, but with jokes.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It might have if you got to find out what happened.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I'd like to give an Irony Award to the Casting Director, who placed 5'8'' Katie Holmes next to hobbit Elijah Wood in scene after scene, and picked Anna Paquin for a character that is continually referred to as "enviably gorgeous," when she's clearly the least attractive woman in the movie. Even Candice Bergen at 64 is sexier.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Once I got over the fact that Katie Holmes is fake-married to Tom Cruise, I began to enjoy her performance. But Malin Akerman (as always) and Adam Brody were the ones with the chemistry.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Several shots are visibly grainy as if they had to push the exposure in post-production.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Galt Niederhoffer has way too much experience to think it's okay to tell a story without an ending.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-romantics/10024556/trailers

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Nothing Like the Holidays

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Another ensemble holiday movie about the drama that ensues when families get together for Christmas. Only this time, the family is Puerto Rican!

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Alfred Molina, Elizabeth Pena, John Leguizamo, Debra Messing, Freddy Rodriguez, Vanessa Ferlito, Jay Hernandez, Luis Guzman, Melonie Diaz, Ramses Jimenez

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. If you've ever been home for the holidays, this movie will feel familiar to you. It will also feel familiar if you've ever seen The Family Stone, This Christmas, or Home for the Holidays. Hey, it's nothing new, but it will satisfy your annual craving for holiday-themed films about a family that's almost as messed up as yours.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It will certainly try.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Also an A for effort.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Well, it's got the Latin thing going for it, which qualifies it for some awards that films of other ethnicities might not be in the running for. But if you're into Latin hotties, you're probably just gonna want to give it the Best Eye Candy Award.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Surprisingly, Alfred Molina is not up to his usual amazingness. His acting is fine, but his accent goes from White to Scarface and everything in between, depending on the scene. Elizabeth Pena, playing his wife, does the cooking, the cleaning, and the good acting in this one.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Clearly the work of someone looking to have an illustrious career in TV. Hey, TV has gotten very fancy these days.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It does a great job of capturing that eerie way in which being around family brings your emotions from the happiest highs to the angriest lows and back in the most unpredictable and instantaneous ways. But every time the story tries to deal with the son who has just returned traumatized from Iraq, the dialogue becomes trite, corny and cliche, like, "Why'd it have to be me and not him?"  While I'm sure that survivors guilt is a common pain that veterans suffer, there's something about it that just seems to come off cheesy in films about Iraq vets. (Which is not to take credit away from Stop Loss, which is the only film that I've seen capture those feelings well, so far.)

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: My friend left the theater wishing she was Puerto Rican, so they must've done something right!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/nothing-like-the-holidays/33265/trailers

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W.

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Biopic about a man (Josh Brolin) who becomes president of the United States (George W. Bush) to prove to his father (George H.W. Bush) that he's not a disappointment.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Josh Brolin, James Cromwell, Elizabeth Banks, Richard Dreyfuss, Ellen Burstyn, Thandie Newton, Jesse Bradford, Rob Corddry, Dennis Boutsikaris, Scott Glenn, Michael Gaston, Toby Jones, Stacy Keach, Bruce McGill, Jason Ritter, Marley Shelton, Jeffrey Wright

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. All the facts we already know. What's interesting is getting to see W's emotional state as these incidents unfold, his relationship with his father, and finding out who said and did what within his cabinet... Unfortunately, all those parts of the movie are based on pure speculation, and not to be trusted.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Not nearly as much as when you watch the real W. trying to speak English.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Again, not nearly as much as when you watch the real thing.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The whole thing would be a lot more insightful if it came out 30 years from now.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: In many cases the cast of Saturday Night Live could have done these characters more justice. While they are all reminiscent of the actual people they play, either by their looks or by their speech cadence, there is at least one false thing in each of them which keeps you focused on the actor playing the real person, rather than the real person they're playing. For example Josh Brolin sounds right, but he's much too good looking. Thandie Newton looks like Condoleezza Rice, but her speech sounds as if someone has glued her lips together. And Richard Dreyfuss just smiles way too much to be Dick Cheney.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: As is to be expected, watching this film causes you to learn more about Oliver Stone, and his personal fantasies of what it might be like to be George W. Bush, than it teaches you about what it's actually like to be George W. Bush.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It would have worked better as a Reality TV show... In fact, I think there was a similar show on TV once. Wasn't it called something like, "The News"? I don't know, who can remember such things.

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