Beginners

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A man (Ewan McGregor), with a gay dad who dies (Christopher Plummer), falls in love with a French woman (Melanie Laurent).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Ewan McGregor, Christopher Plummer, Melanie Laurent, Goran Visnjic, Kai Lennox, Mary Page Keller, Keegan Boos, China Shavers

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! This film did not make me think, it did not make me laugh, it did not make me cry, no not in the bath. It did not inspire me, it did not teach me a thing, it did not entertain me, it did not make me sing. But I think the most annoying thing, is that it's not quite so bad, to stop others from liking. (Yeah, I watched Green Eggs and Ham recently. So what?!)

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It did do one thing. It made me sleep-- bada-bing!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: ...But at least I wasn't snoring, like the man next to me, so boring... Okay, enough with the "rhyming", which I quote to mock my timing. And get ready for it, we're going back to my usual style of wit.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The Animal Acting category is really filling up this year. I've got another great contender in the Jack Russell Terrier named Arthur, who is played by Cosmo... My audience gave him the biggest applause of all the actors during the closing credits.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: What a waste of good actors. Whatever. They were fine.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Throughout the film, Mike Mills cuts to colors and still images during Ewan McGregor's quirky narrations. At first it's cute, but as it continues, you get the distinct impression that Mills is only keeping up the gimmick because he feels artistic pressure to maintain a consistent look throughout the film. You can even feel him starting to regret having introduced this style in the first place.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Quirky and dull. Two adjectives I've never had to use together before.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: The best of the quirky parts are in the trailer below, so enjoy those for free.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Beginners Trailer

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The Art of the Steal

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: This PBS-style documentary recounts the story of how The Barnes Collection, the most valuable collection of art in America, and possibly the world, was metaphorically stolen in broad daylight by politicians and non-profit organizations.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Some Van Goghs, some Cezannes, some Monets, some Matisses, some Picassos, some Manets, some Renoirs, and countless other famous artists' works, which you probably haven't heard of.

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. If you've heard of any of the artists I didn't bother to mention from Barnes' collection, then you're just the kind of cultural art snob this talking heads documentary was made for.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Only if poopy jokes make you laugh... You weren't expecting me to say that, were you?

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you're one of those cultural art snobs I mentioned above, just seeing some of these paintings committed to celluloid could move you in ways so profound that you can hardly put your emotions into a category.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most of the commentators in the film would likely give it The Philistine Award. Let me define "philistine" for those of you not culturally-art-snobby enough to go see this: (Merriam-Webster) "A person who is guided by materialism and is usually disdainful of intellectual or artistic values"... So basically, it's you.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: It's so interesting how no matter whose side of the story you're hearing, the person telling it to you always believes they are 100% right.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: The guy clearly knows he's making a film about art, so whenever he is tasked with shooting transitional shots of cityscapes and skylines, he makes a point of being as showy as possible. He also conspicuously places all of his interview subjects in front of large pieces of art, which are presumably from their own personal collections.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The musical score leads you to believe that they are hoping that you are watching a thriller. And again, if you are the cultural art snob mentioned above, maybe this is all it takes to thrill you.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: The movie does (very casually) open the debate about what is best for the art. Is it best to respect the will of the original owner, which may mean that no one makes any money off the collection and very few people in the world are ever invited to see it, but it is respected and preserved in the way it was intended to be? Or is it best to go against the dead owner's desires, so that people from around the world can enjoy these great works, even if it means that greedy rich aristocrats and selfish politicians are profiting from it? The fact that you're even pondering the answer to that, points directly to the evidence that you are in fact the cultural art snob in question, so I suggest you see the movie and discuss it with you co-snobs immediately.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-art-of-the-steal/10011565/trailers

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When in Rome

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A workaholic curator (Kristen Bell), who doesn't believe in love, picks 5 coins out of a fountain of love, in Rome, and is surprised to find the previous owners of those coins (Danny DeVito, Will Arnett, Dax Shepard, Jon Heder, & Josh Duhamel) chasing her around New York, like crazy in love puppy dogs, who will do anything to impress her. Really? Not a single one of the coins that she picked was tossed in by a woman? I find that unlikely.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel, Will Arnett, Danny DeVito, Jon Heder, Dax Shepard, Anjelica Huston, Alexis Dziena, Kate Micucci, Peggy Lipton, Bobby Moynihan, Luca Calvani, Keir O'Donnell, Kristen Schaal, Lee Pace, Judith Malina

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! I might almost have given this a yellow light, only because I know there are people, like my friend Stacy, who have less discriminating taste, and don't mind when a movie has glaring flaws, so long as it's cute. Thankfully, Stacy was with me at this screening, and she hated it. If Stacy doesn't like it, nobody will.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Mostly after you leave the theater, and you challenge yourself to think of a single thing about it that made any logical sense. Not only were the coin tossers all men, they were all American men, who happened to be in Italy that day, and in New York two days later, with a psychic knowledge of Bell's name and whereabouts at any given time.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you cry at cliches, this movie is one... only without the tear-jerking parts.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I'm going to go ahead and give it a Razzie for the hair department. I don't know if they give Razzies for hair, but someone on that set thought it was a good idea to put Kristen Bell's hair in a pony tail at a fancy Italian wedding. Yeah, the kind of pony tail you wear to go jogging, or to brush your teeth.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Kristen Bell acted like a girl who would turn away Josh Duhamel, so that probably took some heavy sense memory work. And Josh Duhamel acted like a wuss, who would come back to a fairly average girl like Bell, no matter how many different ways she rejected him and walked out on him. Since I'm pretty sure he's never experienced anything like that in his real life, I imagine he had to dig pretty deep to figure out what that might feel like, too.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: You almost feel sorry for the director on a piece like this, because where the script is lacking, he has to make it up. Like, for example, when the writers forget to put in the romance, the director has to make up for it with that old standby: the slow motion stare... "Oh," you will think to yourself, "They must be in love at first sight now!"

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It really would've been nice if there were even one single moment based in some kind of reality. One believable thing sprinkled in... Or maybe at least a joke once in while. Is that too much to ask?

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/when-in-rome/33121/trailers

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