Burlesque

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A small town Iowa girl (Christina Aguilera) has medium-sized Hollywood dreams and discovers a Burlesque Club on Sunset Strip that I personally have never heard of, seen there, or found on Google Maps. She quickly falls in love with Burlesque dancing and singing, and instantly realizes that she absolutely has to be a part of it.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Christina Aguilera, Cher, Cam Gigandet, Eric Dane, Kristen Bell, Stanley Tucci, Julianne Hough, Alan Cumming, Peter Gallagher, Dianna Agron, Chelsea Traille

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Fun dancing and singing, with a plot as thin and predictably delicious as the caramel coating of a candied apple means you'll get exactly what you came for.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Even though you will get your fill of laughs simply by sitting through the often-times horrendous dialogue, the filmmakers are also kind enough to throw in a bit of deliberate humor as well, which comes in the form of sexy clown contortionists. Yes, I said sexy clown contortionists.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Doesn't Christina's singing voice always? It's the reason I never listen to her music before a business meeting and always listen to it before I show up unannounced at some guy's house who I want to make feel sorry for me, because my mascara is running down my face, and I look pathetic and helpless.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: If this movie doesn't get nominated for Best Costume Design, I will seriously be offended by the whole process. These Burlesque outfits are not only more inventive than anything that King George and Queen Elizabeth wore, they're also sexier.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Christina Aguilera can act. Cam Gigandet wearing only a box of cookies is one of the highlights of the film (trust me, girls the world over will watch this movie more than once just for that reason). And Kristen Bell should fire her agents, as she finds herself in yet another role that makes her look like she would do better to stick to TV. She has no charisma or charm, and the entire subplot revolving around her antagonist character is poorly defined and uninteresting to follow... That said, her outfits are good.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: While some of the numbers are slightly over-lit for my taste, the angles on the dance sequences are dynamic and energetic. Unfortunately, there are several scenes without dancing and music in the beginning and middle, that lack in energy and bounce. And the requisite solo ballad at the end of the 2nd act is flying its boring-flag high and proud... As the late 2nd act ballad always seems to do in these movies.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: One good thing I can say about the writer of this script is that he clearly knows how predictable his plot and dialogue are, and uses it to fake the audience into thinking he's giving them good writing by having characters point out when the others have just said something cliché. I imagine him now, sitting at his desk writing something terrible, and rather than trying to finesse it and make it better, he just has one of his other characters say what he really thinks of the line he's just written, like, "That's so cheesy." Strangely enough, this technique actually works because once the audience thinks you're in on the cheesiness, they are more than willing to forgive you for it. And that's a hot tip to all you aspiring screenwriters out there... especially those of you who hope to achieve mediocrity.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/burlesque/38474/trailers

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