The X Files: I Want to Believe

(Guest Review by Jack and Kacy)

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Mulder and Scully (David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson) are called back to duty by the FBI when a former priest claims to be receiving psychic visions pertaining to a kidnapped agent.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly, Alvin "Xzibit" Joiner, Mitch Pileggi

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! If you liked the series, revisit your favorite episode on DVD. If you didn’t like the series, this will not make you want to believe.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: No. There is a George Bush joke in there, but even that isn’t funny. And he's the easiest target since Michael Jackson.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you liked the series, you will cry about how badly they wasted their opportunity to grow the franchise. After this bomb, you can file Mulder and Scully in a place more remote than the X-Files. They will not return. Believe that.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: If this wins anything, then I'll believe that aliens exist!

Q: How is the Acting?

A: During the extended hiatus, Gillian Anderson seems to have forgotten who Scully was... David Duchovny is passable, but all that mumbling through his beard for the first third of the movie doesn’t help his cause.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Chris Carter promised that this movie would scare the daylights out of me... It did. I was scared that he thought this was any good. No wonder they kept everything ultra secret. They didn’t want the secret to get out that it stank!

Q: How is the story/script?

A: In Gillian Anderson's defense, maybe she phoned in her performance because she wasn’t given anything worthwhile to say. The story is boring and the script even more so. This would not even rate in the upper half of X-Files TV episodes.

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Sex and the City

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: The four girls from HBO continue to deal with love and heartache.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Jennifer Hudson, Chris Noth, Candice Bergen, David Eigenberg, Evan Handler, Jason Lewis, Mario Cantone, Willie Garson

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. At 2 hours and 20 minutes, it's like watching an entire season in one sitting, but without getting to hear nearly enough of that beautiful Sex and the City theme song which we love. Doo-doo-Doo-DOO-de-DOO-de-DOO-De-doooooo.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: The clothes.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: The clothes.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Best product placement. Did you know that there's a website called bagborroworsteal.com, where you can rent designer purses for the week?

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Samantha still has all the good lines, and Charlotte is still cute as a button, but Miranda's negativity gets a little grating, and Carrie has never been more materialistic or selfish. In most cases, that would be the fault of the script, but by now, I think we've all accepted that these are real people.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Someone should tell the director that a fashion show is not a story point. And five of them is the reason we all grow as old as these ladies, in the time it takes to watch this movie.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: True to the TV show, the dialogue is still cute, and poignant as ever. But there are moments in the plot that are hard to get past. Like the whole second act. Because if Carrie had stopped to listen to what Big was saying for just one second, she wouldn't have had any reason to be upset for the rest of the movie.

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