Zookeeper

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A zookeeper (Kevin James) finds out that the animals can talk, when they try to reunite him with the woman who broke his heart (Leslie Bibb).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Kevin James, Rosario Dawson, Leslie Bibb, Ken Jeong, Donnie Wahlberg, Joe Rogan, Nat Faxon, Steffiana De La Cruz, Nick Turturro, Brandon Keener, and the voices of: Nick Nolte, Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Judd Apatow, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, Maya Rudolph, Bas Rutten, Don Rickles, Jim Breuer

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Here's what happened to me... I tried to take my almost 3 year old niece to see the movie with talking cars, but the Arclight didn't let us in because they were more than 10 minutes into the previews. She was disappointed, so I agreed to take her to the movie with talking animals instead. Turns out that talking animals are really scary to an almost 3 year old-- especially when voiced by the dulcet tones of Nick Nolte, Sylvester Stallone, and Faizon Love. So we left after 20 minutes. Unfortunately for me, the first 20 minutes were really promising, so I went back the next day to see the rest.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: A few times in the first 20 minutes. Less when I found out what the ride I was on was really gonna be like.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It made my niece cry.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Best Beastiality Scene in a PG movie. (Thanks to the beautiful and charming Katrina Begin of Minnesota.)

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Kevin James is great. I know, I really just said that. But the voice cast is a-nnoy-ing! Especially Maya Rudolf as the giraffe. She's lucky she's in Bridesmaids, because otherwise, this could've marked the beginning of a dry spell for her. And why did Judd Apatow suddenly decide he needed to add acting to his resume? Isn't he busy enough?

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Seeing it a second time, I realized that it was the lighting and the score that were scaring my niece almost as much as the deep voiced lions, bears, and gorilla. But I think the fact that I had to explain to her several times that it was supposed to "funny" not "scary" kind of says it all.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Well it has 5 writers, so you know how that goes. But at least they got a T.G.I.Fridays promotion in there, so everyone could get paid and laugh all the way to the bank! Honestly, it's not that bad if you like movies that are completely predictable in every way.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: A Gorilla in T.G.I.Fridays is totally disturbing even if he does speak English and wear a shirt. Speaking of which, whatever happened to "No shoes, no shirt, no service"? Dude isn't even wearing pants!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Zookeeper Trailer

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Water for Elephants

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A young man (Robert Pattinson) becomes a veterinarian for the circus during the Great Depression, and falls in love with the tyrannical circus owner's (Christoph Waltz) wife (Reese Witherspoon).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Stephen Monroe Taylor, and Tai, in the role of Rosie the elephant.

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! Though riddled with coincidences too good to be true, the setting is fairly original, the characters are complex and well developed, and the story of good love conquering evil love never gets old.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: There's a laughing hyena who actually laughs, and that made me laugh. Even more so when I tried to figure out what you would do with a hyena in a circus.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: You should be warned that for a love story, there's a lot of violence and gore, and some of it is against animals, so all you beast worshipers will probably never feel anything less than rage for Christoph Waltz again. Just try to remember that he's just an actor playing a part. And if you can't get yourself to relate to that, then console yourself with the fact that what he did to the Jews in Inglorious Basterds was much worse.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Will somebody please give that elephant an Academy Award?

Q: How is the Acting?

A: When I was at the Twilight premiere, some Hollywood big-wig tried to convince me that Robert Pattinson would never be able to break out of his Edward role. He was wrong.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Director, Francis Lawrence has once again proven that Rob Pattinson is an amazing kisser. Separately, I really enjoyed the shots of the smoke coming from the train, as it speeds off into the blue screen-- er, night sky.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I haven't read the book this is based on, but I am still impressed at how well Richard LaGravenese transformed it into a properly structured movie. I wish, however, that there weren't so many pivotal plot points that revolved around convenient happenstances, which snap you out of the feeling that this might just be a true story-- which it isn't.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Am I the only one who really wants to call this movie "Like Water for Elephants" behind its back?

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Water for Elephants

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Paranoid Park

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A teenage skater's life begins to fall apart when he gets somewhat accused of murder.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Gabe Nevins, Daniel Liu, Taylor Momsen, Jake Miller, Lauren McKinney

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! Unless you don't care about how it ends... because the movie certainly doesn't let you in on that. On a positive note, compared to some of Gus Van Sant's other indies, at least this one has the beginnings of a plot.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Has Gus Van Sant ever made you laugh?

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Has Gus Van Sant ever made you cry?... No really, think about it.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Yes, but why?

Q: How is the Acting?

A: This group of naturalistic young unknown actors will go very far.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Over indulgent. Dude needs to learn how to cut. For example, if someone is walking down a hallway, I don't need to see the moment they set foot in the locker-lined part of their high school, all the way to the moment they reach their destination at the other end, unless something of importance is going to happen along the way. The same goes for grassy knolls, and drives along the freeway.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Here's a list of some of the most boring and pointless movies I've ever seen: Last Days, Elephant, Gerry... What do they all have in common? They're all written by the writer of this movie. This is his best work. But that's not saying much. The man just doesn't know story structure.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: The hairstyles.

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