Your Highness

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Two princes, one noble (James Franco) and one a slacker (Danny McBride), go on a quest to save a fair maiden (Zooey Deschanel) from an evil wizard (Justin Theroux), who plans to take over the world with the power he will gain by de-virginizing/raping her when the two moons meet.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Danny McBride, James Franco, Rasmus Hardiker, Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel, Justin Theroux, Toby Jones, Damian Lewis, Charles Dance

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! I read a speculative headline today that asked, "Did Your Highness' box office suffer because James Franco bombed at the Oscars?" The writer of this article obviously has not seen this movie, or he would know that the reason this movie suffers is because it's very ill. By which I mean sick. By which I mean awful. But it may actually be so bad that it's good.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Not at first, but after a while, when you get past the shock and denial of how terrible all of it is, you may start to giggle that this is actually happening. You are actually watching this. You actually spent money on the ticket. And they actually just said that.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: "Disturb" is a more accurate description of the emotion it elicits.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: They get the I Beat the MPAA Award. How they avoided an NC17 rating with the extended full frontal shots of a Minotaur's boner, is beyond me.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Natalie Portman's presence in this film reminds me of that time when Sandra Bullock won the Oscar and the Razzie in the same day. Only difference is Natalie is so good in this atrocity that it really makes you wonder if when she signed up to be in it, she wasn't convinced that anyone was actually going to like Black Swan.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: If you want to think David Gordon Green is a good director, you should see Pineapple Express. If you want to think he's a crappy director, you should see this.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: This is one of the scripts where you know it was hatched because a bunch of guys were sitting around, probably getting loaded, and throwing out hilarious "What ifs." The conversation most likely went something like this: "What if you were on a quest, and when you got to the wise man he was a freaky looking alien?" "Yeah! And what if he were a perv, too, who makes you blow him for information." "That's hilarious! And what if he had molested you, when you were young, but you don't realize it, cuz when kids get molested, they don't know that there's anything wrong with it." Crickets.... "That's really weird... We should definitely put that in!" The thing is, some what ifs make good movies and some what ifs make funny conversations that you should never admit to having been a part of.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: Your Highness Trailer

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Tangled 3D

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Disney's animated version of Rapunzel, about a lost princess, who longs to get out of her tower and visit the world. Is it just me, or does anyone else not remember her hair being magical in any previous versions?

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi, Donna Murphy, Ron Perlman, M.C. Gainey, Jeffrey Tambor, Brad Garrett, Paul F. Tompkins

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It's very cute, but not the most original or funny animated Disney movie of the bunch. Most disappointing are the songs, which seem like rehashes of better songs from more remarkable Disney musicals. I guess the bottom line is that now that they've spoofed themselves in Enchanted, it's very hard to go back to making these princess musicals in a non-joking way. They just seem like some old-fashioned thing trying desperately to make a comeback, and you find yourself thinking of Amy Adams and laughing when you're not supposed to.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Aside from when you're imagining Amy Adams, not so much. But I find Dan Fogelman to be a comedy writer whose forte isn't really humor.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Your small children might cry at the blood, and the multiple frightening falls from high places that seem to pollute these films, which are supposedly made for kids, but clearly only exist to teach them what their nightmares should be about.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Probably not Best Animated Picture of the year. It's a small category, but the competition is thick this year, and this isn't the best one.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: The chameleon is right on hue, but the horse chews up the scenery.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: On the plus side, there is a beautiful shot of lanterns floating in the sky that both parallels and exceeds the beauty of the flying balloons of Up. On the minus side, the prince and the horse each take several falls that they shouldn't have survived, which jolts you right out of the reality of this fantasy film. That's why when the prince dies at the end, it almost makes up for all the times he didn't... Come on, that's not really a spoiler, this is a Disney movie, the Prince couldn't possibly die!

Q: How is the story/script?

A: There's not nearly enough of a fish out of water moments for a girl who has never seen anything besides the view from her window. The love story is only thinly developed. And the ending seems like a cheat... I mean, sure I'll buy that it could work, but it's not set up and it's hardly justified.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Did you ever notice that the bad guys always get the most powerful songs?

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/tangled/33552/trailers

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