Barney's Version

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Based on a book by Mordecai Richler, Barney's Version is the story of some guy named Barney (Paul Giamatti), as he partakes in life, loves, and possibly the murder of his best friend. It's a character piece.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Paul Giamatti, Rosamund Pike, Dustin Hoffman, Scott Speedman, Minnie Driver, Bruce Greenwood, Rachelle Lefevre, Saul Rubinek, Mark Addy, Jake Hoffman, Anna Hopkins, Macha Grenon

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. The first two hours are very compelling, even though the final extraneous 20 minutes, meanders around until it became clear that the rest of the movie isn't really about anything either.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Paul Giamatti plays his usual slightly lovable curmudgeon, so there are a fair number of laughs from that, but my favorite humor comes simply from the names of the places. You see, he works at Totally Unnecessary Productions, and drinks at Grumpy's bar. And you even believe these locations are real, because the movie takes place in Canada... Oh, those silly Canadians!

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: The extraneous 20 minutes at the end are pretty sad, but I would've rather just cut that part altogether. Why? Because it's extraneous.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It's currently in a one week Oscar qualifying release in Los Angeles, so that it can be considered for Academy Awards even though it's really coming out in a month, after it's too late to be considered for 2010. So obviously they think they have something.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Dustin Hoffman is fantabulous. His son, Jake, while much better looking than his father, seems poised to follow in the footsteps of John Ritter's and Tom Hanks' sons, by not even deserving to carry the same last name as a man whose shoes he will never come close to filling. Minnie Driver plays the most annoying character in the world, and yet, this may be the most attractive she's ever looked on screen. (Kristen Bell may want to take some pointers from her.) And Rosamund Pike, when her hair is dyed brown, looks indisputably half-Asian.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Most of the time it is fast-paced and engaging, and then suddenly, in just one or two places, it slips into photographic montages that don't match the style of the rest, and therefore come off like fixes to parts of the film that probably weren't working.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: If you've been reading along with me, you already know my feelings about why biopics rarely work. So what kind of person makes a biopic about a made-up person who's not even real or famous?

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OBd5jPBzOI

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W.

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: Biopic about a man (Josh Brolin) who becomes president of the United States (George W. Bush) to prove to his father (George H.W. Bush) that he's not a disappointment.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Josh Brolin, James Cromwell, Elizabeth Banks, Richard Dreyfuss, Ellen Burstyn, Thandie Newton, Jesse Bradford, Rob Corddry, Dennis Boutsikaris, Scott Glenn, Michael Gaston, Toby Jones, Stacy Keach, Bruce McGill, Jason Ritter, Marley Shelton, Jeffrey Wright

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. All the facts we already know. What's interesting is getting to see W's emotional state as these incidents unfold, his relationship with his father, and finding out who said and did what within his cabinet... Unfortunately, all those parts of the movie are based on pure speculation, and not to be trusted.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Not nearly as much as when you watch the real W. trying to speak English.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Again, not nearly as much as when you watch the real thing.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The whole thing would be a lot more insightful if it came out 30 years from now.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: In many cases the cast of Saturday Night Live could have done these characters more justice. While they are all reminiscent of the actual people they play, either by their looks or by their speech cadence, there is at least one false thing in each of them which keeps you focused on the actor playing the real person, rather than the real person they're playing. For example Josh Brolin sounds right, but he's much too good looking. Thandie Newton looks like Condoleezza Rice, but her speech sounds as if someone has glued her lips together. And Richard Dreyfuss just smiles way too much to be Dick Cheney.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: As is to be expected, watching this film causes you to learn more about Oliver Stone, and his personal fantasies of what it might be like to be George W. Bush, than it teaches you about what it's actually like to be George W. Bush.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: It would have worked better as a Reality TV show... In fact, I think there was a similar show on TV once. Wasn't it called something like, "The News"? I don't know, who can remember such things.

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Rachel Getting Married

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A recovering addict (Anne Hathaway) comes home from rehab for her sister Rachel's (Rosemarie DeWitt) wedding, and has trouble coping with the fact that all the attention is focused on her sister's joyous day, instead of where it usually is: on her own problems.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Anne Hathaway, Rosemarie DeWitt, Bill Irwin, Debrah Winger, Mather Zickel, Anna Deavere Smith, Tunde Adibimpe, Anisa George

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! This movie is like sitting through a 5 day long wedding (in real time), where you don't know anyone, you don't care about anyone, and the one person you recognize is a completely narcissistic a-hole. Oh, yeah, and because you're actually sitting in a theater, you're not even drunk.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It's got a few guffaws in the first fifteen minutes, but then you lose interest and stop paying attention.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you find anything to sympathize with in this movie, it's probably because your family dysfunction is similar to theirs, in which case you would have something to cry about. But not necessarily while watching this film.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I hated it in just the right way for the "mainstream" critics and the Independent Spirit nominators to love it.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: If it weren't for Anne Hathaway's celebrity status, you would think the whole thing was actually unfolding in front of your eyes-- it's that real. Rosemarie DeWitt is natural and organic, and it's hard to remember that she's not Anne Hathaway's sister in real life. Since this review is such a major pan, I'd like to take some extra care to point out that that was a compliment for the acting.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: You know when an old pro, with a couple dozen films to his name, decides to pick up a hand-held dv cam, and pretend he's a first time director? It's like that.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Jenny Lumet is the daughter of Sidney Lumet, so God only knows how she got her big break in Hollywood with this, her first outing. I imagine she worked hard, learned her chosen skill, and persisted through all the rejection and heartache... Or more likely, she wrote a first draft, with a couple of good scenes, and when she realized she only had about 25 minutes worth of story, she filled in the rest with pointless wedding speeches, guests performing for the bride and groom, and extended dance sequences at the wedding reception. After which, she had her dad call in some favors, and got herself a movie deal... Did I mention that there's a 7 minute scene where the dad and the groom-to-be compete (in all seriousness) in a competition to see who can load the dishwasher faster? Yeah.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: In this Connecticut wedding, a Black man marries a White woman in a ceremony where everyone wears full (dot) Indian wedding regalia, for no apparent reason, and without comment. Their attire has you so confused, that you almost forget to notice the other gaping discrepancy, which is: there ain't never been a Black person in Connecticut!

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Bigger, Faster, Stronger*

*The side effects of being an American

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A documentary examining the safety and morality of steroid use, from the point of view of a director, whose brothers are both on steroids.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Chris Bell, Mark "Smelly" Bell, Mike "Mad Dog" Bell, Rosemary Bell, Sheldon Bell, and every known steroid user of the past three decades, including Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, Jose Canseco, Sylvester Stallone, Hulk Hogan, Carl Lewis, and of course... Governor Schwarzenegger.

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! Find out why steroids are the American way.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: It's got the humorous tone of a Michael Moore doc, without nearly as much shoving of opinions down your throat.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: All I can say is, man, is our country messed up...

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: I don't see why not.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Raging... Actually, one of the surprising things about this film is that there are no instances of roid-rage, besides those that take place in a Ben Affleck movie of the week.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Wow. They used 800 clips of archival footage and all of it is placed perfectly. How did they find all this stuff?

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Focusing on the Bell family makes the story relatable and touching, while whipping off to the many different sports scandals and political scandals makes it big and important.

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