The Back-up Plan

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A desperate, baby-obsessed woman (Jennifer Lopez), gets artificially inseminated, and then immediately meets the love of her life (Alex O'Loughlin).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Jennifer Lopez, Alex O'Loughlin, Michaela Watkins, Anthony Anderson, Linda Lavin, Eric Christian Olsen, Noureen DeWulf, Tom Bosley, Danneel Harris, Robert Klein, Melissa McCarthy, Maribeth Monroe, Jennifer Elise Cox

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Stop! This movie could only possibly be enjoyed at an all-girls' slumber party, where everyone is getting drunk on their own individual pint of ice cream. And even then, the ice cream is the only part you'll enjoy.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If you're Jennifer Lopez, this movie will make you laugh all the way to the bank.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: It makes me cry when I see yet another movie depicting women as crazy, pathetic losers, with illogical mood-swings, who can only think about how they're going to get a baby before they're too old. If I'm supposed to be the audience for this movie, maybe you should try getting on my good side, once in a while, instead of insulting my intelligence.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: The users on imdb are already suggesting it for the Razzies, so what I was gonna say turns out not to be original in the slightest.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: If I ever though Jennifer Lopez was a good actress in the tabloids, this movie is more proof that reality TV stars can't necessarily act. I have rarely seen so much grimacing from a so-called professional actress.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: You know they got a first-time feature director because everyone else passed on the script. But ultimately, Alan Poul's biggest mistake was being the guy desperate enough to say yes.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I never found out what these two people saw in each other besides their mutual good looks-- which is not the reason given for their deep, instant love, but what else am I left to assume? At the same time, if it weren't for Alex O'Loughlin's hotness, there would be nothing differentiating his approach to J-Lo from stalking. Not only would that be creepy in the real world, but then, the first date he plans is so over-the-top romantic, that you can't help but think that he's up to no good. If they weren't in a movie together, he would just be some random guy she met on the street, who harassed her until she agreed to go out with him, and then took her to a secluded park, where no one could hear her scream-- yikes!

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-back-up-plan/38957/trailers

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Imagine That

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A financial adviser (Eddie Murphy), who is estranged from his young daughter (Yara Shahidi), finds out that her security blanket can take him to a magical world that can predict the stock market. Get it? It's a securities blanket.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Eddie Murphy, Yara Shahidi, Thomas Haden Church, Ronny Cox, Martin Sheen, Bobbe'e J. Thompson, Nicole Ari Parker, James Patrick Stuart, DeRay Davis, Vanessa Williams, Timm Sharp, Talen Ruth Riley, Stephen Root

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It's very cute, but if you don't have a family to bring, you'll find yourself wondering why you're there.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: There are some laughs. And a couple of them aren't even totally immature.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Maybe if you're on your period... Yes, some girls get it when they're still young enough to be in the demographic for this movie! And don't say, "Eiw," it's a fact of life, it's where babies come from, and you should have a little more compassion for those poor young girls who are already having to deal with it, even though they're only 9 or 10 years old.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Most Adorable Disney Movie to come out of Nickelodeon this year.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Yara Shahidi has a mug you could look at for hours. She is beautiful from all angles, in all hairdos, and in all emotions-- each of which she plays like a real child, but without any of the bad acting that usually comes with having to let a child play the part. It's amazing to think that she's never done a movie before.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Run of the mill, but inoffensive.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I can't help but wonder whose idea it was to make a children's movie so heavily centered around stock trading. It's hard to imagine that even if there were an imaginary world in which 3 invisible Princesses and a Queen can communicate with a little girl through her blanky, that they would talk to her about which companies' values were going to rise or plummet on the market, the next day. While it's a good device to help the little girl relate better to her dad, kids don't want to see a movie about that, and imaginary royalty certainly wouldn't care about it either.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/imagine-that/28965/trailers

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Milk

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: The true story of the first openly gay elected official, Harvey Milk (Sean Penn), and how he pioneered the gay civil rights movement in San Francisco in the 70s.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Sean Penn, James Franco, Josh Brolin, Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna, Alison Pill, Lucas Grabeel, Victor Garber, Denis O'Hare, Joseph Cross, Howard Rosenman, Brandon Boyce, Kelvin Yu, Stephen Spinella, Anita Bryant

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Go! This movie about political actions which took place 30 years ago couldn't be more timely today, as we juxtapose the election of our first Black president with the overturning of the ruling that gays have the right to marry. The parallels between that time and this one make you question how much progress we've really made, all while feeling inspired about how far we've come. I'm so confused...

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Put a bunch of gay guys in a room together for two hours, and something is bound to make you laugh.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: If you don't know how this story goes, your chance of tears is high. Likewise, if you're a bigot, a Nazi, a skinhead, a member of the KKK, or any other organization based on hate and segregation (yes, I'm talking about right-wing fundamentalist Christians), you may also cry, but for a whole different set of reasons.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Sean Penn's portrayal of the gay supervisor makes you want to look for him in the race for Oscar-- or even in a gay bar near you.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Playing gay seems to come a little too naturally to most of these actors. It's almost like they've waited their whole lives for a chance to come out of the closet for these roles. I'd especially like to congratulate Lucas Grabeel of High School Musical fame, who without changing his performance from one movie to the next, fits right into this group of men coming up and coming out in the Castro... Which brings me back to my long standing theory, that fans shouldn't be so surprised when they find out that their favorite actors are secretly gay. Most of our biggest celebrities started out doing theater in high school. And everyone remembers the nickname male theater geeks were donned with in high school. So why do they think that just because they grew up and became sexy and famous that would change? Now, I'm not saying all actors are gay... Just most of them.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Ah, Gus Van Sant, we have such a tumultuous relationship, you and I. While I don't hate your work on the movies you don't write (like this one), I can't help but still get annoyed at all the gratuitous male bodies that are featured so deliberately in your films, as if their sole purpose is so you can ask hot young men to take off their clothes, without having to seem like the pervert that I'm starting to think you are. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a nice bit of eye candy in my films, and in this film about the gay 70s, it's actually quite appropriate.   But I can't help but be reminded of the similar images from your past films (like Paranoid Park, Last Days, and Elephant), where the shirtlessness of some 16-year-old unknown actor seemed pre-meditavely orchestrated  for the sole purpose of exploitation by a man in a position of power.  Like the boy who cried wolf, it now lessens my ability to enjoy the perfect curves of a James Franco or Diego Luna, but especially of Josh Brolin, for whom the shirtless scene seems totally out of character-- he is, after all, the voice of conservatism in the film-- and his shirtlessness took me out of it.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The writer manages to circumvent many of the usual trappings of a biopic, by encasing the narrative in a narration that is delivered by Harvey Milk into a Dictaphone, and also by focusing only on the parts of the story that need to be told to move the plot along and get the political points across.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: I don't often get a chance to share anything personal about myself in this blog, but in this case I must. I was raised in the Castro, and Harvey Milk ran my district. I was very young, and Milk's campaign signs in all the neighborhood windows formed my first recollection of what it meant to vote and have elections. Milk shopped at our supermarket, and we bought film at his camera store, and when I saw him, I told him that my Daddy voted for him. As a young child, I was very proud that my Daddy would vote for a man with such a cool name. I could only have been prouder if his name had been Chocolate Milk.

Q: Where can I see the trailer?

A: http://www.moviefone.com/movie/milk/32261/trailers

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The Black Balloon

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: An Australian coming of age drama about a teenage boy (Rhys Wakefield) who tries to lead a normal life, despite the fact that his older brother (Luke Ford) has autism and ADD.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Rhys Wakefield, Luke Ford, Toni Collette, Erik Thomson, Gemma Ward, Firass Dirani

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It's beautiful to watch how this family stands by each other as chaos ensues all around them due to their uncontrollable autistic son, but unless you have similarities to the people and situations in the story, their pain isn't always that relatable.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Only if you think it's okay to laugh at retarded people acting retarded. Which, of course, you don't.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: The person I saw it with cried, but I asked her why, and her reasons were personal. No, I swear, I'm not telling.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: It won some Australian Award for writing, but their film industry is pretty small, so I can't vouch for how important that is.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: The two young leads, Rhys Wakefield and Gemma Ward, are very easy on the eyes and will probably have big careers ahead of them. The two boys playing the autistic kids are of more questionable talent, but since I don't have any first hand experience with autistic kids, it's hard for me to judge how accurately they were portrayed. All I can do is refer you back to Tropic Thunder, where we learned that it's never a safe bet to go full-retard.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Elissa Down is young, cute, and would do well in a meeting-- in other words, she has what it takes to slowly chip away at that oh-so-lopsided ratio of female to male directors. The fact that she cut her teeth doing 6 short films before tackling her first feature (that's 5 more than most people do), proves that she means business. And the added bonus that she's already attracting talent like Toni Collette, should give her some pull if she plans to make her move to the Hollywood studios.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: Some interesting arenas are tackled but not pinned. The script is subtle, and the beats are hit, but there's not quite enough of an emotional spine pulling you through, from incident to incident as the autistic boy acts out and the normal boy suffers for it.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: This is the second film I've seen in the last two days containing a graphic poop scene. Please don't let this become a movie-making trend. Nobody wants to see that.

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Synecdoche, New York

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A theater director (Philip Seymour Hoffman), whose life starts out fairly normal (bad marriage and a kid), gets a chance to direct his life's work-- quite literally-- as the play gradually becomes a metaphor of his own life examination, and at the same time a carbon copy of his life experiences. The project takes the rest of his life to complete, as he's constantly trying to figure his life out, although it's ambiguous enough that at certain points you wonder if he's already dead... I don't know, it's Charlie Kaufman.

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Samantha Morton, Michelle Williams, Catherine Keener, Emily Watson, Dianne Wiest, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Hope Davis, Tom Noonan, Sadie Goldstein, Paul Sparks, Daisy Tahan, Robin Weigert

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. Don't go to this movie if you're one of those people who likes to understand what's going on. And if you do go, bring a friend, preferably one who likes psychoanalyzing poetry and extracting from it esoteric innuendo. You'll need that someone there to discuss it with you (read: explain) afterward.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: If not for Charlie Kaufman's offbeat brand of humor, this would be a David Lynch movie.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: No, but it may move your mind. Sometimes to boredom, sometimes to confusion, and sometimes to insight-- or a headache.

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Kaufman is the only person in Hollywood who's allowed to do anything original... so probably.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Emma Watson plays Samantha Morton, and you literally don't know which is the real one and which is the fake at times. As for the rest, if I may refer you to the list of talent under FAQ #2, you'll rightly presume that everyone else is great, too.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Charlie Kaufman directs from his own script, and it still looks like a Charlie Kaufman film. Unfortunately, I think it's less strong than some of his previous scripts, most likely due to the lack of an outside eye/director cutting and shaping the insanity into more comprehensible terms for those of us who don't live inside Kaufman's mind.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: I sat through a Q & A to find out just that, and what I learned is that Kaufman himself isn't quite sure what it's about. It conveys certain ideas about life, or dream-states, or maybe after-life, or stream of consciousness... all of which you won't be tested on.

Q: Is there anything else worth mentioning about the movie?

A: Cleavage. Lots of it. But not the perky kind, either. More like the fleshy kind. In any case, I think our award winning screenwriter may be a breast man.

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