Appaloosa

Q: What’s the movie about?

A: A couple of peace enforcers (Ed Harris & Viggo Mortensen) try to maintain the law in Appaloosa, which is being overrun by a bullying scoundrel (Jeremy Irons). But at its core, it's really just another movie about how women ruin everything (Renee Zellweger).

Q: Who’s in the movie?

A: Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons, Renee Zellweger, Cerris Morgan-Moyer, Timothy Spall, Gabriel Marantz, Lance Henriksen, Adam Nelson

Q: Is this movie worth the price of admission?

A: Proceed with Caution. It's predictable, a trifle, and without moral dilemma. To quote my friend Matthew, "People with undiscerning taste will enjoy this movie." So, go ahead. Like this movie. I dare you.

Q: Will this movie make me laugh?

A: Some people in my theater were laughing, but I'm not sure why.

Q: Will this movie make me cry?

A: Cowboys ain't supposed to cry. (1977 Country & Western reference, anyone?)

Q: Will this movie be up for any awards?

A: Seeing this film get any recognition, besides for Cinematography, would be a disappointment.

Q: How is the Acting?

A: Viggo Mortensen is always perfect, but he usually picks more interesting roles. Jeremy Irons is reminiscent of Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood, so that's probably a good thing. Ed Harris, who also directs himself, gives a textured and appropriately deadpan performance. But Renee Zellweger and her fat face make you wince the moment she appears on the screen. Not because she's such an awful actress, just because she's so unpleasant to look at, with her squinty eyes and her fake smile, and her anorexic body, which miraculously holds up her giant head. Perhaps I would be less annoyed with her physical appearance if she stopped getting cast as some kind of beauty queen, that men are willing to die over. I mean, I can only suspend disbelief so much for one movie.

Q: How is the Directing?

A: Ed Harris' composition and Dean Semler's cinematography are the highlights of what this film has to offer. But Harris' pacing is so slow and monotonous that you find yourself tapping your feet impatiently, as you wait for something-- anything-- exciting to happen.

Q: How is the story/script?

A: The conflict level is very light. There's a little, but most of it is predictable, as the writers often take the easy way out of each difficult situation. The main character is too accepting, so he doesn't get angry and retaliate when bad things are done to him. It's a character choice, but it's not a compelling one. And while they tried to justify his blind love for his undeserving wife by explaining that she, "Takes a bath every night," and "Keeps herself clean," you don't buy that he would be so forgiving of a woman who acts the way she does, and looks like Renee Zellweger, to boot.

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